I’m gonna sing “Dogs in the Yard” today. It’s from the musical Fame. And yeah, I dance. I think I’m just gonna make up a dance routine when I get up there. I really want to play Danny Zuko. So, we’ll see what happens.
How do you fold your notes like an envelope? That’s pretty awesome.
Matt Bloom
Hey Mark (Sat, Cat . . . Matt)—hey Matt,
You say “pretty awesome” a lot. That’s cute. Very Freshman-y. You’ll learn more expressions now that you’re at South. Just don’t say MINT CONDITION. It’s overused by average people. And whatever you do, never say KHED instead of KID. People around here think it’s cool, but I’ve gotta tell you, it’s not.
Danny Zuko?!!!!! That’s the lead, Matt. You’re in 9th grade. I mean, good luck and junk, but I’ve gotta be older-sister-ish and tell you that it’s very impossible to beat out Ari Levy or Joel Waldman. I mean, those guys are Seniors, and they’re majorly talented. But good for you for tryin’. I always say, “Aim for the moon,” ’cuz in case you miss you’ll be hangin’ among the stars. Know what I mean? Do you? Do you know what I mean, Young Person?
Look at you askin’ me how I fold my notes! Ever seen Mystic Pizza, Matt? If you haven’t, you should. It’s about a really hot girl and her weird friend and homely sister. The hot girl wants to get the hell outta her small town. She deserves to get out and live a better life. Anyway, she works at a pizza joint, and the fat woman who runs the joint makes the best pizza, but she won’t tell anyone what’s in the pizza. Not even the hot girl. Well, Matt. You probably think I’m the hot girl in this analogy, but guess what? I’m actually the fat woman with the top-secret pizza recipe. And double guess what? My folding is top secret, too.
I HATE HEATHER GOULD! I am so proud, in an older-sister way, that you turned down her offer to drive you to school. She’s in marching band, Matt (which is a very hard thing to get into and very, veeery good for college transcripts), but she doesn’t even play any instruments, she just twirls a baton! But because she’s the baton twirler she’s in the front row, so everyone sees her first at football games, so she thinks she’s the best. And she always talks about marching band, but it’s like, “Heather, you just throw a dumb stick around, you’re not friggin’ Mozart!”
And oh my god . . . she did a video presentation for Ms. Feeno’s Spanish class last year where she played two characters (a Spanish-speaking Robin Leach and a Spanish-speaking Madonna, ’cuz in her video presentation Robin Leach was interviewing Madonna at one of her “mansions” for Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous), and she filmed it in her basement and by her aboveground pool and tried to pass it off as a mansion, not to mention it should be illegal for non-actresses slash baton twirlers who pretend to be in the marching band to play Madonna in ANYTHING! Have some friggin’ respect. You gotta be someone with years of experience and natural chops to take on Madonna. So few of us can pull that off, do you know what I mean? I know you’re fresh outta middle school and stuff, but do you know what I mean? Stay away from Heather Gould! K?
See ya at auditions. And you’ll be so great in the chorus.
Always,
Tara Maureen Murphy
Dear Tara,
I like Mystic Pizza a lot. My mom’s a teacher at another school, but sometimes she takes me out of school so we can play hooky together. We always do cool things like go into Harvard Square or Faneuil Hall. She took me to see Mystic Pizza at that small theater downtown. You know that one?
Leona. Leona is the woman who won’t tell her pizza secrets. And Daisy is the hot girl in the movie.
Chorus would be cool, I guess. But I am going for Danny Zuko.
Hope you’re having a friggin’ great day
(new expression),
Matt Bloom
Dearest Christopher,
Q believe your little neighbor Ben, I mean Matt, is tryin’ out for Danny Zuko? He’s nuts. Freshmen never get leads, Christopher. You haven’t even asked me if I’m nervous for auditions? Hello . . .
xoxo, I guess,
Tara
Hey T-Baby,
What’s Danny Zuko? Yeah, Matty B. is a good kid. Super cool you’re being cool to him. He told me. And I was like, “That’s why she’s my girl.”
Crossing my fingers for you, Tara. Kick ass. And when you’re done with your audition get in your Wagoneer and get on over to my house. Mom’s out of town as usual, so the kitchen counter is all ours.
Love ya,
C.P.C.
Dear Christopher,
What’s Danny Zuko?!!!!!!!
Maybe I’ll come over later. Maybe.
Mwah,
Tara
To Stefanie,
Sorry it’s taken me so long to write you back. As you can imagine, there was a ton of new information in your note, and someone like me, a very, veeery deep and loving person, needs time to process new information, especially when it involves my best friend on earth. That would be you, Stef. Not like you don’t remember, but just a reminder in case.
First let me tell you that I did write a welcome note to that Freshman across-the-street neighbor of Christopher’s. And he seems sweet, young, and a bit naive. He is auditioning for Danny Zuko, and
