I just wanted to tell you in advance of the event, because while I feel stronger than ever and more secure than ever, I am a girl with a huge heart, and I might be wicked sad when we break up, and I might shut down just like you did when you and Justin broke up.
I ask you this, Stace. Please do not think I am ignoring you, your calls, or your notes. You and I are so similar, and if I don’t respond right away it’s not about YOU at all . . . it’s just me processin’.
Here goes nothin’.
Tara!
Dear Tara—
It’s just not in my comfort zone to tell Stef anything you say to me, even though what you said was so lovely. I just do not pass information and I never have. It’s just not me.
But I am really excited for you, Tara. I know that sounds strange, but being on the other side of my breakup I can tell you that it’s a whole new world. Being single can be the greatest gift you give yourself. My only suggestion is to remember you shared something special with your boyfriend, so to best honor that I think it is good to lovingly end things and leave space for the friendship that got you there in the first place to be able to come around again.
Be good,
Stacey Simon
Stace!
You are so beyond special. I hope there’s room in your single world for me, because I will be joining you.
Hearing that guidance from you means everything. And to hear how amazing your life is now that you are single is so friggin’ inspiring.
I pledge to lovingly break up with Christopher and to graciously leave room for a friendship with him.
You rule!
Love you!
Tara “Soon to Be Single and Lovin’ It” Murphy
Oh, my Matt . . .
Stef won’t return my calls. Stacey takes a thousand years to respond, so I am praying you will find the time in your busy and happy life to get back to me.
How was your weekend? Hopefully filled with love and laughter. I bet you got to spend time with your adoring family, and knowing you, I’m sure you rehearsed your songs for West Side. Professional actors like you take advantage of the weekends. Maybe you even talked to your big brother. How lucky you are to have such a close relationship with him. And him bein’ at college and still looking out for you is huge and so rare.
Um, me? Thanks for askin’. I, um . . . I had a pretty cool weekend. Yeah, it was okay. Busy of course, but definitely, by all definitions, a weekend.
I know you have so much of your own stuff goin’ on and that you have your priorities, like doing well in school and focusing on acting and being in a sacred friendship with Stacey Simon, but if you can dig through your heart and find one tiny, little-little section for me, I would be indebted.
I met up with Christopher so I could break up with him. And I was so calm and loving and therefore I was takin’ my time in tellin’ him. It’s not like I was talking slow, but I was being mindful. Even though he cheated on me I had made my choice to leave him, and I wanted to do that with kindness and integrity. It’s just not in my comfort zone to be any other way.
So as I am trying to get to my point and say, “Christopher, I am breaking up with you,” he just interrupted me and said, “I’m not sure what you are trying to tell me here, Tara, but it might not be important after I tell you that I am dumping you.”
He didn’t even say, “breaking up with you,” he said, “dumping you.”
I was so shocked, Matt, I couldn’t even speak. Literally. It was just like that day after the reservoir with Timmy Garabino all over again. And as I sat there in silence he said, “So . . . we good?” And then he said, “Can I have my ring back?”
I was, like, comatose, Matt. I didn’t speak. I didn’t move. And he just ever so gently slid the claddagh ring off my finger and said, “See ya at school?” Um, where else would he see me, Matt . . . at Disney World? In Paris? In Allentown, Pennsylvania? (My one uncle lives there, so I thought of it.)
I need a friend right now, Matt. And I have a huge favor. It’s a favor that actually benefits everyone involved. I have an envelope (it’s sealed) of photographs. I do not want them in my house for I fear I will be too tempted to do something harsh with them. You needn’t know what the photos are—the less you know about those, the better. But would you just keep the envelope at your house, in your room . . . somewhere no one can find them? If you have them, I won’t, and therefore I will be able to move through this without revenge. Could you do this for me, Matt?
Your Devastated Maria . . .
Tara
APRIL 1992
Bloom—
I hope it’s okay with you that I joined stage crew for West Side Story. I’m not trying to stalk you, I swear—I just wanted to start building up extracurricular credits even though I’m not gonna be doing
