“Well, you’re white, for one thing.”
“So are you,” I said, holding up my palms.
“I mean you’re not an Arab, and you’re an American,” he said firmly.
For the next few minutes we discussed this ridiculous scenario as if I wouldn’t make a run for it as soon as they let me go.
“Okay, well, we’re going to put you back in your room now, because as you can see, me and my brothers are very busy.”
“Doing what? Come on, man, don’t put me back in there. I’m goin’ crazy in there. Can’t I just sit over there and watch TV? I won’t try to run away, I swear.”
“No,” he said, with a smile on his face. “Come on.”
As I stood up and covered my eyes again I pleaded with them not to take me back, but it didn’t work. As soon as they locked the door behind me I started banging on it harder than ever, screaming out the same things as before. This time it only took about ten minutes for them to come and get me, only now it wasn’t for tea and business propositions. Instead, they led me down the hall and into the bathroom, where Abdullah was standing in camouflage, holding his AK-47.
“What the fuck, man? This is bullshit!” I yelled, hysterical.
“Don’t curse!”
“But what do you want from me? I’m not a CIA agent and you know it!”
“I don’t know anything!”
“Well, use your instincts!”
“No! I believe in your country you have a saying, ‘innocent until proven guilty,’ right? Well, here you are guilty until proven innocent.” Abdullah was angry now, his voice rising. “We do not know who you are! For years, men like you have been coming here,” he screamed, “killing our men and raping our women!”
“Americans rape your women? You’re crazy!” I said, grabbing both sides of my head. “You know what? Just do it! Fuckin’ shoot me! Do it and get it over with!” I started banging my head against the wall to prove I wasn’t afraid of pain or death, just like them. In reality it was mostly for show because I kept my hands to my head, my fingers between the ceramic tiles and my skull.
“Don’t curse! I am not going to tell you again!” Abdullah said furiously. “And stop doing that! Now we are going to put you back in your room—”
“No, come on, it’s gonna be dark soon and I can’t take the darkness anymore!”
“Then I will give you a candle!”
“Well, what about a shower? I stink.”
“As you can see, the electricity is out—” Actually I hadn’t noticed, still being blindfolded. “So if you want to bathe you will have to do so in the cold.”
“But it’s freezing in here; I’ll get sick.”
“Then don’t take one! Now we are going to put you in your room and you will be silent or we will silence you! Do you understand?”
That shut me up. I could tell I had really pissed him off.
“Yes.”
“Now take off your shoes,” he said, calming down.
I did, and as soon as they were off, someone dropped a pair of brand-new black rubber slippers on the floor. I assumed that they were for me to wear inside my room so that my sneakers could remain outside as custom demanded.
“Thank you,” I said, putting on the slippers.
I was returned to my room—again. As soon as the door closed and the key turned, I took a seat on the blanket. I remember thinking there was no way they could peg me for a secret agent now, not after that pathetic display. A minute later the door opened and someone threw something inside, where it rolled across the floor. It was a candle.
Just before the darkness set in, a guard opened the door to drop my dinner and give me a light for the candle. I stared at the dancing flame as if it were a ballet and dreaded the time when it would burn out. A few hours later the door opened again, and I placed my head against the wall. Someone tapped me on the shoulder to turn around and I did. It was one of the guards, wearing a red-and-white-checkered scarf around his face, and a tunic. He pointed to my blankets and said something in Arabic.
“You want me to pick them up?” I asked.
He nodded. That’s when I realized he was wearing my sneakers.
“Hey, are those my Jordans?”
He didn’t understand, so I pointed to his feet.
“My Jordans—you’re wearing my Jordans.”
He finally did the math and nodded. I could tell he was smiling, too.
“I can’t believe this,” I said as I picked up my blankets. “You guys are stealing my sneakers now.”
The sneaker thief instructed me to cover my eyes and follow him down the hallway. We passed a few rooms like mine and then came to a set of black double doors, made of steel and secured with a padlock. He took off the lock, opened one of the doors, and I entered a dark cell. The door closed and locked again behind me.
The stench hit me right away; I immediately knew that I was not alone. As my eyes adjusted I saw figures all along the walls, sitting up from sleeping positions. My instincts told me that I was with POWs from the regime. Although I could not see their eyes, I felt them all staring at me. After a moment I placed my blankets on the ground next to one of the men and he jumped to his feet.
“La,” he said and led me over to a vacant area, next to which an isolated prisoner slept under his blankets.
I shrugged it off and set up my bed where he’d shown me. After I sat down, I looked around again. I could still feel the stares of everyone in the room, which was significantly larger than my old one. Seeing that nobody was going to welcome me to the neighborhood, I decided I’d have to be the one to the break the silence.
“Assallam alekum,”
