But it’s funny how everything comes back to the beginning. We grew together through the shared hurt of our birth mother’s rejection, then we grew even closer through college, football, and being roommates. And now, as grown men, we still depend on each other. We carry each other’s burdens and shoulder each other’s pain, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. As long as I’m moving forward safely, he will continue to take these small steps. It’s like, “If Michael’s not getting hurt, then there must be a place for me to do the same.”
For years, Caronda has wanted to have a relationship, and I cannot deny her that. I don’t want my kids growing up and not knowing the full truth of who they are or who their family is. I take them to Louisiana to see Bennett Road so they can know a place where “everybody on the street is your family.” I tell them, “This is where you started. Your ancestors, after slavery, this is where they settled. After they were freed, this is the land that they had. This is the church that everybody in your family went to and that your grandfather built with his bare hands. All these people on this street, they are some form of cousin.” I think sometimes when my kids go back, they can’t believe how much family they have.
I try to tell them that when I die, I want my funeral to be like Muhammad Ali’s. He wasn’t buried in Africa. He wasn’t buried in Beverly Hills. He was buried in his hometown of Louisville. I think when you die, if you are truly at peace, you should return to the beginning, and Louisiana is the beginning for me. As much as we’re removed from Bennett Road and as much as I travel around the world, this is home. I wanted my birth mom in our lives to complete the puzzle for my children. I tell them, “Just as much as Miss Pennie is your grandma, Caronda is your grandma. They both are your grandmas, and that’s okay. If somebody don’t understand your story, they don’t need to understand it. You have three grandmothers, and that’s okay.” That’s life. I just wanted them to know that there is this lady who loves them: “She loves you, and you do exactly what she tells you to do simply because she’s your grandma.”
Now she stays with us for a week or two at a time. I’ve also taken her places she had never been before. She had never seen Florida. She had never been to Seattle. She had never seen the ocean, so I took her to see the ocean for the first time. To be her son and to be able to take her to different places, take her to eat food she’s never experienced—it’s been making up for a lot of lost time.
I don’t think I could have opened up to this without support from Pele. It was so important for her to see me be able to move past the resentment. A lot of people might be like, “She hurt you already, just move on. Let’s go to the beach.” Instead, it was, “Your birth mom should come here. I’m booking a ticket for her now.”
But that’s how we have always rolled together. We bring the support for each other. There are times I need her to be strong, to say, “No, Michael, you’re wrong. That’s not the truth.” Or, “Michael, you need to get beyond that.”
When Pele set me on course, I knew I needed to forgive and try to bring the family together because, out of us five brothers and sisters, I’m the big brother. As the big brother, you lead your family. I tell my dad all the time: he’s the father, so the family will always look up to him for certain things, but my brothers and sisters look up to me for a lot of things they would never talk to him about. To take just one example, you are probably not going to tell your mom and dad the first time you have sex! But your little brother can come to you and say, “Bro, I didn’t know what I was doing, but those thirty seconds felt really good!”
I feel like I have an even bigger responsibility with this family because of having two moms. I’m trying to keep the family together and help us grow, to push the envelope and develop together. I’m asking everyone, “How far can this family go? How much can we forgive? How much can we inspire each other to love each other more?” Some of them tell me they’re exhausted by my efforts. They say, “I’m not built to forgive this much. I just want to live.”
I tell them, “People make mistakes, and now they want to make amends. They can change, and you have to give them the chance to do that.” My birth mother has evolved. You can’t torture people with distance when they are trying to do right. This country has torn apart the Black family—the African family—in a thousand different ways. We cannot tear each other apart. That’s a form of resistance we need to take seriously.
The next step, in my mind, is my mom and birth mother and dad, all sitting together around the table, forgiving one another in front of my daughters. I have told my dad that this is what I hope
