Lou played the role of foreman and began barking out instructions to me and Rachel. The first step was to get the amp onto the dolly. Lou offered no physical assistance as we struggled to haul it onto the set of wheels. It was very hard to do this. And it hurt. The amp was somehow even heavier than it appeared.
Rachel was indeed strong. Her hands were smooth and fleshy and were bigger than mine or Lou’s, though not by much. They were not really masculine hands nor were they truly feminine. They fit who she was perfectly.
“Excellent, kids! Very well done. The worst is over. Let’s get it downstairs!” Lou exclaimed as we began to push the load into the hallway and onto the elevator. He kissed Rachel on the lips as we descended.
I tried to give them privacy and just faced the door with the two of them behind me.
Right before the door opened to the lobby he said to her: “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”
She didn’t reply.
We pushed the amp through to the front of the building with Lou still calling the shots but not lifting a finger. Rachel, Freddy, and I struggled to get it up off the dolly and into the back of the van.
“Use your legs!” Lou kept shouting, though I didn’t know what he meant by that.
Freddy was groaning and huffing under the weight of the thing. A slight, bookish-looking guy with thick-lensed glasses and bad skin, Freddy was the weakest of our crew and his end of the amp kept sagging. Rachel was the most stoic and maintained her poise and grace throughout the ordeal. She never questioned why Lou wasn’t helping us, like she somehow understood that it was better this way. I didn’t understand and I resented doing it without him and having to listen to his orders.
“Heave . . . ho . . . heave . . . ho . . .” Lou was the slaveship drummer pounding out the beat as the chained rowers sweated to reach ramming speed.
We got it up and slid it into place in the van’s cargo hold. Freddy was pale and looked like he was about to keel over. Rachel said I was a strong young man and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I felt a slight scrape from her stubble.
Lou took a small piece of paper from his pocket and pointed out to me what he’d written down. “Okay. Here’s where you’re going and here’s the total price. That’s what you’re collecting. In cash. No checks.”
So Lou was not driving or even coming with me. Neither was Rachel, who had already run back inside. I was to do it all alone. He handed over the slip of paper.
“Ask for Al when you get there. Him and his guys’ll unload it for you. Make sure he gives you all the money. Don’t let him haggle you, it’s already been negotiated so don’t take a penny less. And don’t listen to any cockamamy bullshit sob story about why he’s short or when he can get us the rest.”
I was to meet Al at an address on the West Side across from the pier on 48th Street. In miles it wasn’t so great a distance but I’d have to traverse the entire width of Manhattan through the heart of Midtown at the height of the evening rush hour. It was an insane prospect.
“Lou . . . I really don’t think I should be doing this.”
“Nonsense, Tim. Nonsense. I am 100 percent certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that you will successfully complete this mission. Don’t fall for any of Al’s pathetic cripple routines. He’ll try and hustle you, play on your sympathies . . . but just stick to your guns and tell him you are on strict orders from me. I gotta go.”
He slapped me hard between my shoulder blades and disappeared back into the building. I felt trapped and claustrophobic. I didn’t have the strength or the will to confront and refuse him. And it wasn’t because I was afraid of him, I really wasn’t. I guess I just really wanted him to like me. I hadn’t even heard any of his music (that’s not true, I had heard one of his songs a few times) outside of the droning-feedback massacre of sound. Still, I was enchanted by him, bewitched and under his spell. He mesmerized me. When I was with him it was like being in another world altogether. Like time had slowed to a stop and I was oblivious to anything else going on in my life or in the world at large.
I couldn’t let him down, yet I was sure that the crosstown journey would end in disaster. I would be fired by Ciro for crashing the van—assuming I survived the accident—and I’d owe him money for the damages; I’d be arrested for driving recklessly without a license and would have to call my mother to bail me out ’cause, god knows, Lou was not going to do it. I couldn’t even be sure he’d answer the phone when I made the one call the police would allow me.
On top of all this, it was Friday the thirteenth! And that started to fuck with my head. The walls were closing in; my pulse quickened and my temples throbbed. My heart felt like it had swelled to fill my entire thoracic cavity. There was pain in my jaw, my left arm, and my groin. It was the beginning of a heart attack, I was sure. I was short of breath and afraid I was about to die.
I told Freddy I needed five more minutes and didn’t wait for his answer. I ran into the building and pressed for the elevator.
