“That is revolting.”
“Thanks, Marama.”
“No,” Marama said. “I mean, yes, it was probably nasty to have vomit everywhere. But why didn’t Ben do something? If you were close to vomiting, you were too drunk to consent to whatever it was you two were doing. Why didn’t he stop when he knew you weren’t right?”
Erin hadn’t thought of that.
“And the way people reacted is disgusting,” Marama said. “Why didn’t you say something? Just tell the truth?”
Erin said, “The thing is, if you say ‘No, no, no, I don’t have a gag reflex, I was just drunk,’ then you’re someone who can’t hold her liquor. It’s just another thing they’re going to talk about.”
Jade said, “Who is this Ben wanker, anyway?”
“My very ex-boyfriend.”
“What happened to him?”
“He ghosted and got a new girlfriend.”
Marama’s eyes narrowed. “You know what you should have said? You should have said his penis wasn’t long enough to trigger your gag reflex.”
Erin felt the left side of her mouth curl up. “That would make me no better than him.”
“Yeah, but at least it would make him look just as bad as you.”
“Thanks.”
“Fuckwad,” Jade said, and Erin smiled.
Marama said, “Ignore that girl and her phone. If she comes by again, I will spew on her.”
Erin’s friends surrounded her for the rest of the meet. She lost the 200M, won the 100M, but considered Marama and Jade her true winnings.
FORTY-FOUR
Erin texted Lalitha on the way to drop off Felicity at the airport.
Litha: Is that good enough? Can you come home? I MISS YOU.
Erin: Miss you, too. Still have to stay through December.
Erin: Plus, what would I do there? Can’t swim. Can’t start classes mid-semester.
Litha: Won’t you be starting mid-semester in Jan?
Erin: Maybe I will take a vacation until second semester starts.
Litha: Maybe we BOTH can take a vacation!
Litha: NYC, we’re coming back!
Erin: Or Fiji
Litha: Hawaii!
Erin: Keep dreaming. I have to say good-bye to Felicity.
Litha: ♥
Erin:: One more thing.
Erin: Please send Claudia’s contact information.
Litha: What now?
Erin: She never called me, and I want to talk to her.
Litha: Wait, why?
Erin: Long story. All good.
Erin: Talk soon.
Erin: ♥
At the airport, Erin hugged Felicity good-bye. She wished she could fly instead of enduring another eight hours on the road with ice cream punnets.
Felicity said, “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks.”
Felicity touched Erin’s arm lightly. “Erin, this is a major accomplishment. You aren’t just the fastest in the meet, you set two national records. Among all racers. Ever.”
“Yeah. It’s great.”
Felicity frowned. “You don’t seem remotely excited.”
Erin shrugged.
“What’s the matter, love?”
Erin stared at the ground. “I’m New Zealand great, not American great.”
Felicity set her jaw.
“That didn’t come out like I meant it to. I just meant it’s not the same here as in America.”
Felicity took stock of her luggage. “I’ll see you at home, then.”
“Felicity?” How could Erin remove the foot from her mouth? “Here’s the thing.”
“No, here’s the thing, Erin.”
Ear-in. She wanted to plug one ear to prevent any ear-out.
“That is the weird dichotomy of America: kids get awards for participating. Everyone gets a trophy! Everyone gets a medal! Have a ribbon, even if you’re the very worst player ever.”
Erin agreed. Only winners should receive trophies.
“Everyone gets a prize, so your prizes mean absolutely nothing. Except the big prize. National champion. Olympic champion. World champion. Well, there’s only one of each, Erin. Everyone wants to be the very best, and anything less is not enough. Why can’t you feel proud of your accomplishment today? Acknowledge how hard you’ve worked and for how long, and be proud of that work? No matter what it means to anyone else.”
Erin couldn’t look at her.
“I think you’re setting yourself up for a long and unhappy life. If you feel proud only when you’re the very best, you never will be proud. If you’re happy only when you’ve beaten everyone else, you will never find happiness.”
Felicity gently turned Erin’s chin and stared into her glassy eyes until Erin looked away. “I’ll see you at home.”
Erin watched Felicity walk into the airport and straight to the terminals without any security whatsoever.
Erin told herself Felicity didn’t know how it felt to lose something she really, really wanted. Or to be upstaged in her own pool.
Erin could claim national champion on her Columbia application, but being champion of a tiny country wouldn’t change her life.
She joined Percy in the car. “Are you sure it’s safe for Felicity to fly? There was no security or anything. Couldn’t a terrorist hijack the plane or something?”
“Not likely in New Zealand,” Percy said. “If you were going to hijack a plane, you’d better do it somewhere closer to wherever you wanted to be.”
Erin wasn’t sure where she wanted to be. She didn’t want to return to Wheaton. She mostly didn’t want to be in the tiny house in Christchurch. She wanted to be settled in her great life, fifteen years from now.
“The general rule here is: if your plane is big enough to reach Australia, go through security. Otherwise, hop aboard.”
Of course. Because kiwis were all so happy. Most hijackings were for or about the United States, and what hijacker is patient enough for a flight that long?
Percy zoomed back toward the house on stilts. “You all right?”
“I’m fine.”
“Seem pretty blasé after such a huge accomplishment. Something else going on with you?”
New Zealand good, not American good.
Erin reached for the next truth in line. “I’m not sure winning the championship will make any difference to colleges, is all.”
“Can’t help you there. Hey, want to get pizza for our crew? We’ll have a proper celebration tonight.”
Hairy Buffalo and Ben were still too front of mind for Erin to consider any sort of celebration.
Tears welled in Erin’s eyes as she stepped inside Lalitha’s house. They had been swimming together since elementary school; surely their friendship could withstand Erin’s fall from
