Con could tell that Mandy was biting back laughter. “How about a chorus of ‘Oops, I Did It Again?’ ”
Con shook his head. “I really believed cats always landed on their feet. Learn something new every day.” He reached down to lift the pot off Deimos’s head.
“Look, dumbass, I’m not used to handling four legs. Okay? I just wanted to get away from all that X-rated garbage you guys were projecting. You need to throw cold water on those mental images. Young and innocent eyes are watching here.” Deimos sat down and used one spotted paw to scrape off a few mangled leaves from his head. “I hate this job. I want real action, violence, destruction. You know, guy stuff.”
Con sucked in his breath as he stared down at the cat. The pot fell unnoticed to the floor. “Tell me you heard that, Mandy.”
“Heard what?” Mandy frowned at the dirt. “Where’s the vacuum?”
He didn’t answer. The cat had spoken in his head. Again. Con wasn’t imagining it this time. No blaming it on the heat. When he was a kid, he used to imagine he had magical powers like his supposed Druid ancestors. But this wasn’t make-believe, and he wasn’t a kid anymore. First he had to figure out if this was real or if he was going crazy. Who could he ask? Not Mandy. She already half thought he was nuts.
She turned to see why he hadn’t answered, and sudden concern flooded her eyes. “You look terrible. You’re gray and”—she put her palm on his forehead—“clammy. It’s the heat. We need to get some liquids into—”
She never got a chance to finish her sentence, because Sparkle Stardust rushed into the room. Sparkle’s face was red, and she was puffing. “Ran all the way up those damned stairs.” She scanned the room. “Someone hurt Sweetie Pie. I felt her cry out to me.”
Her? Con could’ve sworn Deimos was male. Mandy glanced at Con for inspiration, but he could only shrug. How could he concentrate on Sparkle when he was trying to come to terms with the bizarre fact that a cat was talking in his head?
Mandy’s expression said he was a poor excuse for a hero. “Deimos is fine. It was . . .”
Sparkle swept by all of them, including Deimos, without a glance. She plunked herself on the floor beside the plant, scooped it up gently, and then held it cradled against her chest. “Who did this to you?”
If the blasted plant answered her, Con was gone.
“It was an accident. Deimos was trying to jump onto the ledge, and he misjudged the distance.” Mandy’s tone said she pretty much thought Sweetie Pie was too traumatized to get her facts straight, and why was everyone so bent out of shape?
Sparkle glanced at Deimos and cocked her head as though she was listening to something only she could hear. Con had a good idea what it was.
“Oh for crying out loud. Cut the whining. I guess I have to do everything myself.” Sparkle stood and then picked up Sweetie Pie’s pot. “I’ve got to get her back in her pot right away.”
“Are you talking to me?” Mandy looked completely confused.
“Hmm?” Sparkle looked at Mandy as if she’d just seen her. “No, I’m talking to Deimos.” She shifted her attention to Con. “I hope you guys will be getting it on soon.”
Con stared at Sparkle, Deimos, and Sweetie Pie. This was some serious weirdness. “Is this place cursed?”
Sparkle smiled, a sly calculating lift of her lips. “I’m not asking for myself, hot bod. I’m asking for Sweetie Pie.”
“Ah, everything is clear now.” Mandy looked amused. “You want Con and Sweetie Pie to hook up.”
Sparkle cast Mandy a slitty-eyed glare. “Is this where I’m supposed to laugh?”
Mandy had the sense to shut up.
“Sweetie Pie’s well-being is in your hands . . .” Sparkle paused to consider her words. “Or other body parts. According to Holgarth, the owner wants you guys to take care of the plants. I was just keeping an eye on them until you got here.” She carefully set Sweetie Pie in her dirtless pot.
“Here’s the fun part. The owner enjoys studying plant behavior. Experiments have shown plants react to the things humans do and say. Plants seem to be healthiest in places with a lot of sexual activity.” Sparkle smiled a wicked smile. “So I guess we’ll all know how things are going by how perky Sweetie Pie and her siblings are.”
Satisfied with her bombshell, Sparkle carried Sweetie Pie to the door and then paused. “I’ll bring her back once I’ve replaced her soil.”
As Sparkle left the room, Deimos trailed after her. He glanced at Con before disappearing. “I hope you’re not buying that. Umm, but if you do decide to help old Sweetie Pie get perky again, let me know your schedule so I can be far, far away.”
After they were gone, Mandy closed the door and leaned her back against it. “Tell me that woman didn’t say we had to have sex so the plants would stay healthy.”
“That’s what she said.” Now why hadn’t he ever thought of that for a school science fair project? He shook his head to clear it. Forget the plants, he had more important things to think about.
“And what’s with Deimos? You and Sparkle were acting strange around him.” She was talking to him, but her gaze was riveted on the small pile of dirt.
Ha! She thought a pile of dirt was her biggest worry. “Deimos was talking to us.” Mandy wouldn’t believe him, but he wanted to see her expression anyway.
“Uh-huh.” She never took her eyes off the dirt. “I need a vacuum cleaner.”
“There’s one in my room.”
Long pregnant pause. “And that would be where?”
“Across the hall.”
A longer, more
