“He didn’t abandon you, sweetie. He was hurting, too.”
“I know that,” Abi murmured. “And I feel for him. I do. But I was so alone.”
Her heart ached at the memory of lying in bed by herself, the emptiness eating away at her. Wanting Liam to hold her. But Liam had spent night after night … month after month … avoiding his own pain by sitting in his den working long into the night.
“I know how important having a family of his own is to him. But … if he was really in love with me, he would have been there for me.”
Abi drew away from the comfort of her sister’s hug and plucked a tissue from her clutch bag, then wiped her eyes.
“As much as I wish it was otherwise,” Abi continued, “he only married me because he wanted the baby. I’m sure he convinced himself he really did love me, but that doesn’t make it true.”
“Ah, sweetie, I wish you’d come back here to live after it happened. I mean, I know you were trying to make your marriage work after losing the baby, and that’s really good, and it made sense going back to finish your master’s. But we had no idea you were struggling with so much. We thought you and Liam were good and helping each other through the tough time.” Claire squeezed Abi’s hand. “I wish I’d been there for you.”
“I know. I chose to stay away. I needed the time. And Del was there for support. He was wonderful. He held my hand through the emotional upheaval, always there when I needed a shoulder to cry on … which happened a lot. Especially after the doctor told me I’d never be able to conceive again.”
Claire’s eyes reflected Abi’s own sadness.
“And he never took advantage of my vulnerable state.”
Claire nodded. “Del is a wonderful man. There’s no denying that.”
Abi pursed her lips. “But you still think Liam is the man for me.”
Claire shrugged. “Sorry, but yeah. I do.”
* * *
Abi sat at the table with Claire, Bill, Jaime, Dave, her two nephews Sam and Ty, and her dad and his wife, Sally, who sat beside Abi. She didn’t know Sally well, since Dad had moved to Denver after they got married to be near her family, but she seemed to be good for him. He was the happiest she’d seen him in the eight years since they’d lost Mom.
“So, are you seeing anyone?” Sally asked as they ate the main course.
“Uh … no, I’m not.” Abi reached for a roll and buttered it, then took a bite.
“Kurt told me that Liam’s here,” her dad said. “How are you handling that?”
Her cheeks heated. “There’s nothing to handle, Dad. Our separation is amicable.”
His eyebrows quirked up as he cut through his prime rib. “Have the divorce papers been signed yet?”
Her stomach tightened. “Not yet.”
He put down his knife, then turned his pointed gaze on her. “Then it’s not amicable.” He sipped his wine. “You know, sweetie, this has been going on for too long. Do you want me to talk to him for you?”
Oh, dear God, no.
“Thanks, Dad, but I’d rather leave it to the lawyers.”
He spiked his fork through the bite of beef he’d cut off and waved it at her.
“Clearly the lawyers aren’t helping, otherwise this wouldn’t be dragging on so long. They’re getting rich while they suck you dry.”
Sally patted his hand. “Henry, I’m sure Abi knows what she’s doing. Sometimes these things just take time.”
“Like with your ex?” he asked. “If he’d had his way, your divorce would still be going on and you and I still wouldn’t be married. He did everything he could to stop us from being together.”
Sally squeezed has hand. “But we’re together now.”
Dad harrumphed, but he took Sally’s hand and kissed it, then turned back to his dinner.
“And what’s this I hear that Liam offered you a nice settlement—enough that you’d be set for life—and you turned it down?” he asked.
Abi’s gaze jerked to Claire and she shrugged, with only the tiniest bit of remorse in her eyes.
“I don’t want his money.”
“I thought you said it was an amicable divorce,” he said pointedly, being typical stubborn Dad.
“Dad…”
“What? Is it wrong for me to want my baby to be taken care of? And that son of a…” He bit back the rest of the sentence. “He’s got more money than he knows what to do with. He can spare a little for you after hurting you the way he did.”
“I don’t want to be taken care of, and he didn’t…” Ah, damn. She did not want to justify herself to her father, or to anyone else. “Look, forget it.”
She pushed back her chair and stood up.
“Sweetie, wait. I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said, but she grabbed her clutch and turned away.
Jaime started to get up to follow her, but Abi shook her head and strode across the room, escaping out the double doors to the atrium. A few minutes later, she stepped outside into the courtyard. The sun was low on the horizon, casting long shadows on the slate patio and across the lovely gardens. She sat down on an ornate concrete bench and gazed across the glittering lake.
Why didn’t everyone who wanted her to reconcile with Liam, or wanted her to push Liam to end it for good … why didn’t they understand how painful this was for her? As much as she wanted this whole divorce to be over … so they could both find closure … it wasn’t because that’s what she really wanted.
In fact, she wanted nothing more than for the two of them to really have a chance at happiness. But wishing didn’t make it so and with Liam still living in a fantasy world, she had to be the strong one.
Even though she was tired of being strong. For once, she wished she could just let go and follow her desires. Forget the consequences and do what felt right at the time.
Like she had last night.
She shuddered.
