Shock washed across his features.
“Abi … that’s not true.”
“It is true. You abandoned me. Left me to suffer alone. I needed you and you weren’t there for me.”
* * *
The pain in Abi’s eyes tore at Liam’s heart. He’d been wrapped up in his own pain back then. Grieving the loss of the baby. Of being a father.
Of losing his family when he was only five years old.
He’d been alone for so long. Until he’d met Abi. She’d made him feel whole again.
And when he’d found out she was pregnant, he had been thrilled. He would finally have his own family. A set of three people—and hopefully more in the future—who loved each other unconditionally. Who cared about each other above all else.
When Abi lost the baby … all those dreams had been torn from him.
Not only that one child, but any children. Abi could no longer have children, so that dream of a family had been stolen from him forever.
But in wallowing in that desperate pain … somewhere along the way he’d lost Abi, too.
There was nothing he could say … nothing he could do … to make up for that.
She stood up. “Where’s my room?”
His hope of her staying in his bedroom was shattered. He stood up and led her to the room beside his.
“I’ll bring your suitcase,” he said, as he opened the door to her bedroom.
“Thank you.”
He retrieved her bag from the master bedroom and carried it into her room and set it on the love seat.
As soon as he left the room, she closed the door behind him.
* * *
Abi couldn’t sleep. She’d tossed and turned for hours, but now she just lay there staring at the ceiling. The talk with Liam about losing the baby had her dwelling on her fear of losing this baby, too. She stroked her stomach, thinking of the life growing inside her.
Finally, she pushed back the covers and got out of bed. The soft illumination of moonlight on the carpet drew her to the window and she gazed outside. The water on the lake glittered with the silvery light. The sky was clear and deep, inky blue.
She opened the French doors that led from her bedroom onto the deck and stepped outside, breathing in the fresh, warm summer air. She walked from the wooden deck to the stone patio, then to the pool and sat on the edge, dangling her feet in the water.
She loved the water. She swished her feet around, watching the rippling circles cascading across the surface.
She glanced toward the dark house, turning to the window of the room where Liam was sleeping. She remembered that night so clearly. She’d woken up in the middle of the night to sharp cramps. The pain had caused her to double over. Liam had woken up and called an ambulance, but they were going to take too long, so he’d carried her to the car and had held her hand all the way to the hospital.
But the doctors hadn’t been able to do anything. When they’d told her that she’d lost the baby …
A sob shuddered from her throat. She drew her legs from the water and hugged her knees tight to her body, tears flooding from her eyes. Her body shivered. She sat there, cocooned in her pain. Letting it wash through her body and soul.
“Abi, are you okay?”
At Liam’s words, she lifted her head from her knees. She drew in a deep breath and tried to keep her voice even.
“Yes. I’m just enjoying the view.”
The lake, silvery and smooth as glass, lay beyond the pool, and leaves in the tall trees between here and there rustled in the soft breeze.
“Really? It looks to me like you could use someone to talk to.”
He held out his hand and she stared at it for a moment, considering whether to tell him she wanted some time to herself.
But he was right. She did want to talk to someone.
Even if that someone was him.
Maybe especially because it was him.
She took his hand and let him pull her to her feet. He didn’t release her hand as he led her to the rattan sofa on the patio. He sat down, drawing her beside him, then he turned to her and took her other hand.
She might lose this baby, too, and she didn’t know how she’d endure that pain again.
“Liam, you never talk about the fact that if we were to get back together again, you’d never have the family you’ve always dreamed of. I know how badly you want to have a child of your own.”
“Abi, being with you—”
“No, please. Let me get this out.” She squeezed his hands, staring into his concerned eyes. “What you really want is for us to be married … and for me to get pregnant. That’s what you really want. Right?”
“Of course. I would love that. But I know we can’t have that. That doesn’t mean I want you less.”
“If we could have that, though. If that magically happened for us…”
His brown eyes … deep and somber … seemed to fill with hope. Her chest tightened.
What the hell was she doing? But the words had started tumbling from her and she couldn’t stop now.
“Wouldn’t you be terrified?”
He shook his head. “Why, Abi?”
Her hands clenched tight, squeezing his fingers.
“Because of what happened last time. Because we’d be terrified that we’d lose the baby again. Would you really be able to go through that a second time?”
“If we were given a miraculous gift like that, I would believe that we were being given a second chance at happiness.”
She shook her head and it drooped forward.
“Why are you asking about this? Has your situation changed?”
Oh, God, she’d said too much. She couldn’t let him suspect … Not yet.
“I’ve been thinking about the baby … our baby … about how painful it was…” Her voice caught and she sucked in a
