He’d convinced himself that coming out here and staying away from people and situations that might set him off would help him get a better grip on the animal inside. He’d obviously been wrong about that. The truth was he was worse off now than he’d ever been at the DCO compound. As much as he hated to admit it, being away from Zarina had caused him to lose even the small amount of control he’d fought to gain over the past year. He felt as on edge as he had when the DCO had first dragged him out of the woods a wild, feral monster.
He guessed he’d made a lot of bad decisions lately. He’d made them for the best possible reasons, of course, but they were still terrible decisions regardless. Now he was heading into a diner to meet a brother he hadn’t seen in years in the crazy hope that somehow it’d make things better. The only problem was that he couldn’t imagine how this family reunion could possibly end well.
To say he hadn’t been planning to see his brother or any other members of his family while he was out here was an understatement. He’d been living in the Wenatchee Forest within two hours of the home he’d grown up in and had never even considered calling them. The fact that he was meeting with Cam now only because he needed help made him feel kind of dirty.
“How’s your shoulder?” Zarina asked softly from the passenger seat.
Tanner glanced at her. It was obvious from the concern on her beautiful face that she was worried about the damage he’d sustained in the fight, even though she knew he’d survived far worse. In addition to bandaging the wounds at the camp before they’d left, she’d checked his injuries twice on the way down the mountain. He flexed his shoulder, feeling the fresh scar tissue tighten and pull across his deltoids and biceps. It hurt, but the gouges and bite wounds were healing. Within a day, he wouldn’t even notice them.
“Shoulder’s fine,” he said.
Zarina nodded, turning back to gaze out the windshield at the brick diner with its metal roof and photographs of happy people enjoying burgers, fries, and Cokes pictured in each of the windows. “You never told me your brother was a cop.”
She hadn’t mentioned his brother once on the drive down or while they’d picked up supplies and equipment for the camp. Not even after he’d talked to him on the satellite phone. But now that they were about to meet Cam, he supposed her curiosity had finally gotten the best of her.
Tanner didn’t blame her. He’d never talked about himself much, even though Zarina had tried to engage him on the subject hundreds of times. The obvious tension in his voice during the short phone call with his brother probably hadn’t done anything to lessen that curiosity.
“Cam was only fifteen years old when I left to join the army,” Tanner told her, smiling a little as his mind filled with images of his little brother. “I tried to get home as much as I could, but my Ranger battalion deployed all the time, so I didn’t get a chance to see him or the rest of my family nearly as much as I wanted to. Time just sort of gets away from you, and you tell yourself there’ll be time to make it up to them later.” He sobered at that thought. “When I finally got out of the army, I expected to come back and see the same little brother I’d always had, only to discover he’d gone out and grown up on me when I wasn’t looking. He’d already joined the Seattle Police Department and was close to finishing the academy before I got a chance to talk to him. I didn’t even know he wanted to be a cop.”
Sighing, Tanner glanced at the Seattle Police cruiser parked beside them. It was crazy to think the brother he’d tossed the football around with in the backyard between army basic training and reporting to Fort Lewis after Ranger School was a cop.
“Was that the last time you saw him?” Zarina asked, turning her head to look at him. “When you got out of the army, I mean.”
Part of Tanner wanted to tell her what happened the last time he’d seen Cam, about all the horrible things he’d done and how those few short days had changed his whole life. But it would be stupid to unload his problems on Zarina when there was nothing she could do to change any of it. More than that, though, it would be unfair. His burdens were his alone to carry, no matter how much she might wish otherwise.
He reached out to switch off the engine. “It was a long time ago.”
Beside him, Zarina got that same determined look in her eye she got whenever she wanted something, and it was all Tanner could do not to chuckle. He’d come to be wary of that part of her personality at the same time as he’d grown to adore it. When Zarina felt she was doing the right thing, there was little that would stop her from continuing down the path she was on.
“I think it’s time we head inside,” he said, opening his door. “This meeting won’t get any easier by putting it off.”
Tanner stepped out of the truck before Zarina could try to stop him—or ask him what he’d meant by that comment. He busied himself for a few moments tightening the tarp over the load of supplies they’d already picked up before going around to help Zarina out.
Tanner resolutely led her to the door of the diner. He forced himself to
