All is darkness.
I feel numb throughout the next day, even when Kelly teachesme new words and proper signing techniques. My hands follow his instructions,but my mind is thinking of more important things. How can I find Mary Arden?She’ll help me save Tom, won’t she? Archimendax threatens us both, after all. ButCordelia makes it difficult to concentrate, conversing so cheerfully with thedoctor that it’s impossible to ignore her chipper voice.
“Your heart isn’t in this, Hester,” Kelly finally says. “Whywaste my time if you’d rather mope?”
“She’s been sad all morning,” Cordie replies. “Anxious abouther friend, I think.”
Kelly walks to the coat rack briskly. He smells of dried inkand tea leaves. I can’t even enjoy these wonderful scents, worried as I am.
“There’s no reason for sadness, minx. Give Craddock a chance torecover. He’s only human.” Kelly slips on his jacket, coins jingling in thepocket. “I haven’t said anything to either of you about this, but I’m leavingfor Boston tonight. To collect my daughter Alice from boarding school.”
Is she coming to visit? I sign.
“No. To live with me. We’ve been separated for too long.”
Wonderful! Congratulations!
“Thank you, Hester.” He opens the office door and twists theknob a few times. “Shall we take a walk? A little fresh air might do you good.”
Snow swirls against my face as I walk with Cordelia and Kelly.The air smells nondescript, just of clean, sharp winter, and I hunch myshoulders against the cold. As we amble down the sidewalk, I imagine this issimply a brief constitutional to clear the cobwebs from my mind beforereturning to Kelly’s office for more signing practice. But the doctor has asofter heart than he lets on and leads us exactly where I’ve wanted to go allday. Kelly’s a good friend, and I’m glad Alice will be a greater part of hislife now. He deserves some happiness of his own. The wind picks up and my feetare sopping wet by the time we reach the hospital. I stomp them against theboot bristles in the lobby and follow Kelly to the men’s ward.
As always, Sir Death is waiting in the shadows. Cordelia standsa foot away, practically touching His elbow. Out of fondness for her, Iindicate that she should go first through the doorway, giving her a chance toput distance between herself and the Reaper. But Cordie halts a few feet overthe threshold.
“The screen is up around your friend’s bed again, miss. Shallwe sit and wait?”
Yes, I sign. Thank you.
This is when I hear Tom whispering to Kelly. “I don’t care ifshe’s out there or not,” he says. “I don’t want to see her.”
“Why, Craddock? Is your schedule full? To the best of myknowledge, it has nothing on it but a dose of cod liver oil and a sponge bath.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Tom grumbles. “It feels wrong. I feelwrong when she’s around.”
“That’s ridiculous. You adore the girl.”
“I can’t explain, Doc, but I don’t trust myself. I want to lashout, to hurt her.”
“That’s a strange reaction, I must say.” The doctor scribbleson something, maybe a pad of paper or a chart, and drops it on the table. “Allright, I’ll talk to Hester. She’s my friend, too. I’m sure she’ll understand ifyou aren’t able to see her now.”
“Not now, not ever. A fresh start’s just what I need.”
Kelly yanks the screen out of his way. “You shouldn’t burn yourbridges, Craddock. I’ll send Hester home today, and then you and I will talkagain when I get back from Boston. You’ll have time to cool off and clear yourhead.”
“I won’t change my mind,” Tom replies.
My heart begins to pound, and I wish for the lucky stones in mypocket. Tom’s right. He won’t change his mind. Olfaction reveals genuinehostility, to the point of violence. It’s physically painful to feel thisemotion directed at me, coming from the person who has been my belovedprotector. I rise from my chair and put a hand over my aching heart, needing toleave the ward before I faint. Kelly calls my name and hastens to join Cordeliaand me. The doctor lies to spare my feelings, making excuses for Tom that Iknow to be untrue.
Don’t worry, I sign. Understand everything.
“Give him a couple of weeks, Hester. I’ll get you in for avisit when I return from my trip. Afterward, I’d like you to come to dinner atmy home. To meet Alice.”
Thank you. Honored.
Cordie takes the lead as we make our departure, and Iaccidentally brush up against the Reaper at the door. The contact chills likeice water and lingers unpleasantly. His voice is a cool whisper in my mind. Careful,Visionary.
Pardon, Sir. I’m having a bad day.
His dry laughter scrapes against my bones. Oh, believe me,it could get worse.
Cordelia tugs my hand and I follow her to the stairs, stumblingon the first one. I do believe Sir Death, and it frightens me to the core.
Life can always get worse.
19
Bellum domesticum.
War among family.
Willarddraws the horses to a halt at the porte cochere of my home. The animals whinnyand stomp as they wait for a good brushing and a bucket of oats. It’s suppertime for their humans as well, although I lack Cordelia’s appetite at themoment. Eager to get inside, she climbs out of the carriage first and thenhelps me down. Wintery air surrounds us as we walk toward the house. It pushesunder our cloaks, swirls our petticoats.
Cordelia opens the heavy door and cries out in shock. It seemsthat Cook is sitting at the entrance to the servants wing. I know it’s she fromthe sound of her fitful weeping. Hoping that her tears are a result of anargument with the scullery girl or a fallen soufflé, I walk toward the front ofthe house where masculine voices are conversing in somber tones.
Something terrible has happened. I shut down my ears,afraid of what I might hear. Where shall I go? The library is located on myleft, so I walk inside and close the door. It smells of antique leather anddusty books,
