“But I am,” she confessed in a tremulous voice.
“Why? I know you want this too.”
“I do. More than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life, but we’re not thinking clearly. There are too many reasons why we mustn’t.”
He crushed her against him. “Name one that matters.”
“How do we know this coup de foudre won’t happen to you again?”
“You mean to us! No, mon amour, you and I have experienced something that only happens once in a lifetime.”
“But your family needs more time.”
Raoul released her enough to look at her with a puzzled expression. “What’s going on with you? My family has nothing to do with my personal life.”
“Oh, yes, it does.”
Lines marred his striking features. “Be honest with me, Abby. What are you really saying?”
She couldn’t avoid this. “I don’t want an affair with you!”
Raoul’s black eyes pierced hers like lasers. His hands gripped her shoulders. “That’s what you think I want?”
She averted her eyes. “I don’t know anymore. I could never be intimate with you and then just fly away as if it never happened. That’s why I’d like you to take me back to the apartment now.”
“Are you saying this because Nigel is still in your heart and that’s what you can’t get over?”
“No—” she cried softly. “All feeling for him was burned out of me the second I saw pictures of his children and realized his wife was telling the truth. I honestly haven’t thought about him since.”
“Even so, being intimate takes time to get over and it hasn’t been that long since you broke it off with him.”
She eased away from Raoul. “You don’t understand. I never went to bed with him. We were going to go away over Christmas to be together for the first time. Thank providence his wife came to the office that day and opened my eyes.”
“Are you saying you’ve never made love?” Raoul sounded incredulous.
“That’s right.”
“Not even with the other man?”
“I couldn’t until I knew my heart. That moment never came.” She folded her arms to her waist. “Does that shock you?”
“Yes.”
“It wasn’t because I was afraid of intimacy. But I didn’t think it fair to sleep with him before telling him I couldn’t marry him. I did love him, but not enough. However, the same can’t be said about you and Angélique.”
His black brows knit together. “What are you talking about? I told you my marriage lacked the passion of a real marriage. We slept together in order to have a baby. But after Nicolette was born, I didn’t touch my wife again.”
She moaned. “But Jean-Marc said—”
“I can just imagine what my brother said,” he cut her off. “But he didn’t live with me and Angélique behind closed doors. I’d like you to tell me what Jean-Marc said.”
“He said several things, among them that Solange was waiting until your pain lifted.”
His head reared. “You and I have already had this conversation. She’ll have to wait forever. As for Nicolette, she definitely took a part of my heart with her. And I was grief stricken, but it was because I could never love Angélique the way a husband should love his wife. I’ll pay a price for that to the end of my days. I’m not an honorable man, Abby.”
A bleak expression had broken out on his handsome face, filling her with turmoil.
“Raoul—surely you don’t mean that! You can’t mean it. When you gave in to your mother and father’s wishes to marry her, Angélique knew you weren’t in love with her. But she married you anyway.”
He shook his head. “But it was wrong.”
“How can you say that? You gave her a beautiful life, and you had a baby who turned out to be a great blessing. Nicolette brought both of you joy. For you to go on punishing yourself makes no sense. You were forced into that marriage because of a lie. Now you’re free to marry the woman you love.”
His pain-filled eyes searched hers. “Are you telling me you could marry me, knowing my history at this point?”
“But we’re not talking about me.”
“Now you’re deliberately misunderstanding me.” He grasped her upper arms. His black gaze burned with an inner fire she could feel. “I want to marry you, Abby Grant. Tonight if we could. I want it more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my whole life.”
She gasped.
“What else could all this be about?” He shook her gently. “Losing my family within seconds of the crash has taught me one important lesson. We don’t know how much time we have before life strikes a blow. The idea of meeting you and not being able to love you forever is anathema to me. Are you listening to me?”
It was a good thing he was holding on to her, or she would have fainted on the spot. “You couldn’t want me for your wife, Raoul. I’m afraid I’d be an embarrassment to you.”
“Embarrassment—don’t you have that turned around? Be honest. In your wildest dreams you couldn’t have imagined a man like me coming into your life.”
“That’s because you had a special destiny decreed generations ago. All that you are, your identity, everything is tied up here in Burgundy.”
“But my curse is that I have good and bad baggage. The question is, why would a brilliant American college professor who has lived by the Pacific Ocean all her life want to leave family and country for an entrenched French vintner?”
“Raoul. Listen to me, please. I’m afraid I couldn’t measure up to you.”
“That argument doesn’t hold water and you know it,” he bit out. “It’s because you’re afraid to take a chance on me. Admit it—” His voice throbbed.
“Don’t you ever say that!” she cried. “You’re the most wonderful man I’ve ever known. You wouldn’t have had to tell me about the poem for me to come with you. Aren’t you convinced yet
