Turning back to Alex I said, “You see. He was just showing you one side of the story. He wanted you to hate me for killing Laura. Alex, I would rather have fallen on my own sword rather than kill her. I loved her.”
Through gritted teeth, Alex asked, “If you loved her why did you desert her before I was born?”
“She never told me she was pregnant, Alex. I would have taken care of you both, even if I couldn’t stay. The night I left, she saw me using my powers and I made a mistake that she couldn’t forgive. She didn’t want to have anything else to do with me. She forced me away, Alex. I can’t blame her for what she did or for not telling me about you. She wouldn’t have known about you until after I left and with the way we left things, she had no way to get in touch with me.”
“Why?”
“Why?” I repeated.
“Why did you leave her? If you loved her so much, why did you leave?”
“You know why, Alex. I’m a Wanderer; we always leave. But I had intended to take your mother with me. It was against everything I’d ever been taught, but that’s how much I loved her. I was about to tell her everything about me and beg her to come with me.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tess and Cris were each staring at me.
“What stopped you?” Alex asked.
“Before I could explain things, the business that Verðandi had sent me to take care of erupted through a portal. I had to get your mother to safety while I took care of it, but she freaked out when Beast transformed and wouldn’t listen to reason. The only thing I could think of to keep her safe was to put a compulsion on her to make her get on Beast and fly to safety.
“When the danger passed and I dropped the compulsion, she hated that I had controlled her mind. Laura was always a strong willed woman. She wanted me to get out, to leave, and never come back. I could have put another compulsion on her to make her forget everything she’d seen and let me start over with her. But if she’d ever found out about that compulsion, she’d never have forgiven me. Rather, I erased her memory of me doing anything extraordinary and left her with the impression that while our time had been nice, it was just a summer fling. That she hadn’t really been in love with me as much as I had been in love with her.
“I rode away and always regretted having to leave her, but it was the best for her. I just wished I’d known about you, I could have at least visited.” When I finished, I waited for Alex to make some statement, but he just stared at me. Confusion and conflicting emotions played across his face.
Tess laid a hand on Alex’s thigh and he turned on her. “You knew all this?”
She nodded. “Except for how they separated. Rafe never told me that part. But I was there, Alex, when your mother died. It’s as Rafe says. He hasn’t been the same since killing that shade. You can’t really think of it as being your mother any more. Once the shade had her body, she was basically gone already.”
“But he got the shade out of me.”
“Yes, he tried something he’d never tried before and it worked. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here. He saved your life, Alex.”
Alex stood and went to the fireplace, standing with his back to the room, and not speaking.
I felt a hand on my own thigh and turned to see Cris watching me. She was a therapist. Did she have some suggestion for how to handle this?
As if reading my mind, Cris shook her head sadly.
I started to turn back to Rowle, but Tess stood up and looked my way. I nodded and she went to stand beside Alex in front of the hearth.
“Rowle, I still think Alex would be best off with me. He’s my family. He will still have to decide whether he remains a servant of Fate or goes off on his own when his training is done, but he should be given that opportunity.”
“Didn’t I say I was willing to let him decide for himself when his training was done?”
“Yes, but he’s my son. I never knew I had a son until a few months ago. You had children. You say you got to watch them grow up.”
“Only from afar,” Rowle said.
“I’ve not even had that. Come on, let him go with us.”
Rowle looked at Alex. Tess was holding his hand and whispering something in his ear. “That’s his choice to make, Raphael. I won’t hold the boy against his will, but he is also my family. Just as you are. Don’t you think I care about him?”
I shook my head. “It’s not that, I do think you care about him, but is that enough? Tell me, Rowle. How come you never approached me when I was Walt’s apprentice? You could have told me about our relationship. It might have changed everything that’s happened for the last four decades.”
“I considered it. I often thought of doing just that, but–” he abruptly broke off and clutched at his chest. Before I could react, he mouthed a spell and then I felt the power of a healing tat activate on his body.
Cris leaned forward past me and stared at his pale face. “Are you all right, Rowle?”
He massaged his chest and then nodded toward Cris. “Yes, lady. Thank you for
