How long have we been saying it to each other? Forever, it seems. Even thinking about it gets my chest tight. Has he always known that’s what we’ve been saying to each other? Am I the one oblivious to what’s been going on, or have I been denying it to myself?
I hold Miles tighter, despite the stares of passing officers.
All I want is a little while longer….
WHY DID I ever think I could handle a garden?
Dead. They’re all dead. After one week too. Obviously something I’m doing is incorrect. I couldn’t even handle this one thing—this one simple thing.
I plunge the shovel into the garden box and throw the soil across the yard. The tiny husks of my pre-plants disappear amongst the grass and dirt. I scoop another shovelful, and then another. I stop when I reach the radish, however.
Unlike everything else, it’s still alive. I’m not even sure how, but I know this garden box can’t possibly be good for it.
I walk over to a part of our lawn with green grass and dig a hole, careful not to disturb too much. Then I return to the garden box, dig up as much of the radish and its miracle dirt as possible, and replant it with the lush grass. Hopefully this part of the lawn is over a vein of plant resources or something. The radish will do better here, outside my care. This is for the best.
“Thank you.”
Ms. Timo stands between the missing fence posts. I regard her with a quick nod.
“Shannon talks about you nonstop,” the woman continues. “She wants to know if Lacy will come to visit again, and if she can spend time with you all.”
“I don’t know,” I say. Lacy’s mother didn’t appreciate her kids getting caught up in criminal affairs. On the other hand, she hasn’t said a bad thing about me since the report of my assistance in saving her daughter.
“Think about it? She’ll be heartbroken if you say no.”
“I will.”
Ms. Timo nods and shuffles back to her house. Miles will have to deal with it all.
Once my box is long gone, I throw down the shovel and head back for the house. I stop the moment I lift my gaze and catch Miles standing in the doorway. The late afternoon sun shines down around us. He shouldn’t be home at this time. He should be at class.
“Pierce, what’re you doing?”
I brush my palms together and remain silent.
Miles walks out into the backyard, his hands in his pockets, and steps up next to me. “Well?”
“I’m cleaning up,” I reply.
“That’s it?”
“Yeah. Gotta keep busy.”
Miles sighs and looks away. His gaze hardens as he stares at the garden box. “You’ve been different lately. Don’t deny it. You keep trying to avoid me—to avoid telling me things.”
I don’t offer any commentary.
“You didn’t tell me everything about Shelby,” Miles continues. “And you go off on your own more often than not, even if I tell you I want to be there with you.”
“I have to do everything you say, is that it?” I ask, more edge than sarcasm in my voice.
“No. I just want to know why.”
Again, I get quiet.
Miles takes his hands out of his pockets and crosses his arms over his chest. When he looks up at me, I swear he’s on the verge of anger. “Are you trying to leave me?” he asks. He’s so direct and to the point that there’s no sidestepping the question.
He must have seen that I cleaned out most of my stuff from our room, and that I’ve taken money out of the bank account.
“You don’t need me,” I drawl.
It’s true. He can’t deny it.
“So?” he asks as though that isn’t a factor.
“I’m holding you back.”
“How can you say that? It’s not true.”
“Isn’t it?” I shout, hitting rage faster than I suspect Miles is prepared for. He flinches at my outburst, and I throw an arm up in the air with heated movements. “Don’t you hear what everyone says, kid? You have a future! When they talk about you, they talk in what-ifs, like they have no idea how far you’ll go. This is how far I’ll go. Right here, right now. There’s nothing else I’m good for. I’ve proven that time and time again.”
Miles matches my anger with his own. He steps up to me, like we’re about to rumble, and hardens himself back to a glare. “What does it matter, Pierce?” he shouts. “It doesn’t.”
“Think long-term! You need someone who’ll go the distance with you, Miles. Hell, I’m gonna die twenty years before you, regardless. You deserve a partner who won’t cut out at the end of the race.”
“Pierce, if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be alive! I’d be dead at the bottom of a river after a lengthy warehouse beating!”
I shove him, much to Miles’s surprise, and he almost falls flat on his back. He catches himself and recovers, confusion written across his face.
“You owe me nothing,” I shout, unable to control my volume. I don’t care if the whole goddamn neighborhood hears what I’m saying, so long as it sinks into Miles’s head. “You paid me back! You saved me from Jeremy, and now I have a life again. We’re even. You’re duty bound to nothing!”
“Everything I do—” Miles walks up close and returns the shove, both his hands on my shoulders. “—I do for you!”
I stagger a moment and grit my teeth. “What’re you talking about?”
“All those awards? All my scores? All my success? It’s to show you that I can do it! I can be the man you depend on! Someone you can trust!”
“You said you were doin’ it for you.”
“I am!” He grabs my shirt and twists his knuckles into the fabric, keeping me close. “I want to be the man you can depend on!”
“You’re confused,” I
