The girl running away steadied the bamboo basket at her waist and yelled to her friends. Henry strode past her and grabbed the older girl’s clothes. The girl tried to get away while protecting her young companions. But then Henry wrapped his arms around her and covered her mouth with his hand. As I stood there in shock, Kinser raced past me, flung the younger girls to the sand, and grabbed the older girl’s legs. Then he and Henry lifted her up and carried her off to the trees at the back of the beach.
—Don’t do anything stupid! I yelled.
But my voice was drowned out by Kinser’s squeals of delight and the girl’s screams of horror.
I pushed off the girls pulling at me and dashed up the beach. In the thicket, Henry was holding the girl down. Meanwhile, Kinser was pulling down his trunks. The girl screamed and Kinser punched her in the face. Her head pitched back violently, and she fell silent for a moment. But when Kinser forced her legs apart, she screamed again. He started punching her in the face, but even then she continued to kick and scream. Infuriated, he punched her in the stomach and then wrapped his fingers around her throat.
—You make any more fuckin’ noise, I’ll fuckin’ kill you! he screamed.
It looked like he’d crush her throat, so I knew I should stop him. But I couldn’t do or say a thing. When Kinser loosened his grip, the girl, gasping for breath, tried to twist away. Kinser punched her in the stomach again, and she became motionless. After ripping off her top, he leaned over her small body.
—Son of a bitch! spit out McCrory, who was now standing nearby.
Repulsed by what Kinser was doing with his fingers, I turned around. The younger girls, huddled together on the beach, were crying and looking in our direction. Instinctively, I started to head toward them, but McCrory grabbed my arm.
—Don’t try to run away! he said.
His words annoyed me. But I knew that if I left, they’d say all kinds of stuff to me later. Or rather, they’d do all kinds of stuff to me later. Panting heavily, Kinser stood up, and Henry took his place. He finished in less than a minute. When we got the signal, McCrory headed over immediately. Kinser held down the girl’s hands, and Henry, who was pulling up his trunks while kneeling in the sand, flashed McCrory a smile. The girl’s power to resist was gone.
Without the slightest hesitation, McCrory climbed on top of the girl, about half his size. As I watched, I realized I’d have to do the same thing. But I couldn’t overcome my reluctance. It wasn’t out of pity for the girl. I was scared that if I did what the others had done, something inside me would be destroyed, and I’d never be the same. As McCrory moved his body, Kinser and Henry kept glancing over at me and grinning. Are you one of us or not? they seemed to be asking. I knew I had to do it, but I wasn’t sure I could.
McCrory took a deep breath and got up. Then he looked over at me and nodded. Mechanically, I stepped forward, pulled down my trunks, and spread the girl’s legs, which had fallen to the side, the knees pressed together. I knew I shouldn’t look, but my eyes moved down anyway. Blood and a milky liquid soiled the inside of her thighs, and a clammy odor rose from between her legs. I didn’t feel any desire at all. When I pressed my unresponsive body against hers, the heat of her body and the chill of the slippery fluids repulsed me. Fighting to overcome my own reluctance, I pretended to have sex.
—We loosened her up for you! yelled Kinser. So put your big thing in her!
Then he and Henry started laughing hysterically. Maybe they’d seen through me, but I felt sure I’d be accepted for having come this far.
With my elbows planted in the sand, I kept moving until I figured I’d performed enough. When I started to get up, my eyes met the half-open eyes beneath me. Well, not exactly met. The girl was avoiding my gaze and staring at something behind me. I turned around, and there was that bright red fruit. Never in my life had I seen such a malicious-looking color. The finely divided chunks looked like clumps of blood. At that moment, something split open inside me. Once the thin membrane had ruptured, primal feelings erupted from deep inside and oozed through my body like a runny egg yolk. The girl’s lips, distorted and covered with half-dried blood, were mocking me. Impulsively, I punched the swollen face with my fist. Someone whistled, but I didn’t know who. Son of a bitch! I cursed to myself. Blood suddenly rushed to my penis. Oblivious to the gore and bodily fluids, I forced myself into the body beneath me. As I covered the girl’s mouth and saw tears falling from the corners of her eyes, I moved my hips furiously, before I could figure out the source of my growing excitement: rage toward my buddies and the girl, self-loathing, or both.
—Check it out! jeered Kinser. He’s finally getting into it!
The others laughed.
Fantasizing about shooting all three of them, I ejaculated.
Catching my breath, I brushed off the sand sticking to my sweat-drenched body and stood up, trying to act composed. The girl’s legs remained spread open; she had lost the strength to close them. At the sight of the milky-white fluid dribbling from between
