After checking several times to make sure no one was following me, I returned to the apartment where I lived with my mother. As I reached into my bag to get the key, I was still terrified that the man might suddenly reappear. I was so flustered that it took me a while to open the door. As soon as I got inside, I locked the door and collapsed in the entranceway. Hugging myself in the dim light, I somehow managed to stop shaking. Suddenly, I heard something deep inside my heart. It sounded like a piece of coral, being trampled on and breaking. That’s enough, isn’t it? I muttered to myself. Then I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder and pictured the lady who’d given the speech. I sincerely wish that all of you can be happy. As her slightly raspy voice reverberated inside me, tears poured down my cheeks.
TAMIKO [2005]
The cases of milk must’ve been heavy. The small, thin girl seemed to be struggling with her load. When I called her from behind, she cringed before her tiny steps came to a halt. Slowly, she turned around, her eyes widening in fear. This confused me because I really hadn’t called that loudly.
—Sorry for calling so suddenly. Did I surprise you?
—Uh, only a little, she said in a barely audible voice.
Staring at the ground, she started to blush. She was extremely shy.
—Thanks for listening so attentively. That was my first time speaking in front of people, so I was pretty nervous. I know I’m not a very good speaker, so I apologize for being so boring. But having you there at the front really gave me the courage to continue. That was a big help.
After nodding, the girl blushed even more and kept staring down. What I told her was the truth. My speech had been okay for the first ten minutes, but then the students started to get bored. From the podium, I could see more and more of them starting to talk. The teacher at the back and the one along the side managed to quiet them down, but if it weren’t for them, I’m sure the students would’ ve just left.
I had agreed to give the speech because my youngest daughter talked me into it. Apparently, she owed one of her former colleagues a favor. But halfway through my talk, I was already regretting my decision. Suppressing my feelings, I pushed through to the end, but I told myself that I’d never do this again. What helped me get through those forty minutes, however, was the girl listening at the front.
After my speech, I went to the principal’s office with the two teachers. The principal was a woman of calm demeanor. As we were chatting over tea, she told me that her uncle had served in the defense forces and was killed in action, but that his remains were never recovered. After relating how her late grandmother had often spoken about the uncle, she told me that my speech was a good experience for the students. Then she politely bowed. I felt embarrassed since I knew I was inept at public speaking. The two teachers and the principal saw me off at the entrance, and I started walking toward the gate. That was when I saw the girl.
She was walking along the covered walkway, off to the side. I immediately knew it was the girl who’d been sitting in the front row. I hurried after her and called out when I got within reach. That’s how happy I was to have had someone listen so intently. But when I saw her standing with her head down, I could tell I was being a pain.
—I guess you’re on lunch duty, I said. Sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to express my appreciation. Anyway, thanks for listening.
When I was about to leave, the girl raised her head and looked at me. She was so nervous that her face had turned red. Just as her mouth opened to speak, shrill voices accosted us from the side.
—Thank you for your speech!
—I’m so glad we had a chance to hear you!
—That was the most moving story about the war I’ve ever heard!
The voices belonged to three girls who’d been sitting at the back of the auditorium. I remembered them passing notes and talking during my speech, so I was surprised that they were now praising me.
—I felt sorry for the girl rescued from the cave, said one girl, apparently in reference to the boy who’d been saved.
—War should always be avoided, right?
—How’d you go to the bathroom when you were in the cave?
The first two girls punched the girl who asked the last question in the arm, and then apologized and bowed. The girl who asked the question bowed, too. Their overreaction made me chuckle. Looking relieved, the three girls laughed, too. The shy girl, who’d been pushed off to the side, hung her head and began to walk away. I wanted to find out what she was going to say but didn’t get a chance to stop her from leaving.
—What happened to that baby put out for adoption?
The unexpected question felt like cold fingers probing inside my chest. The tanned girl, who looked rather athletic, stared at me with an unconcerned smile. However, her question was difficult, and I couldn’t answer right away. As I searched for the right words, the small, thin girl walked away. The three pushy girls stopped laughing, no doubt sensing my
