“How long has she been trying to contact me?” he asked.
Papa stared at the letter like it was an insect crawling toward him. “You don’t have all the facts.”
“That’s an unfortunate side effect of being lied to.”
“We had good reasons to keep her from you.”
“Until I was eighteen, maybe.” Tobias spun the letter with one finger. “It’s a federal crime in this country to keep mail from someone, did you know that?”
His papa finally looked up, aiming the full weight of his disapproval at him. It rolled off like soap bubbles, gone in a flash. “Don’t be ridiculous. We’re not criminals. We’re your parents. We do what’s best for you.”
“That’s not for you to decide anymore!” Not once had Tobias raised his voice at his papa, and certainly not like this, with every muscle in his body coiled, with such volume that he heard Manman exclaim down the hall.
Papa had gone still, his eyes two burning holes in his face. “You were fragile back then, Tobias. And there are things about your adoption that you don’t know—”
“You mean the part where she threw me in a Dumpster, right?” Tobias asked, and Papa’s mouth dropped open, his eyes widening, and it felt so good to finally get a reaction. “Yeah, I know about that. I’ve known since I was ten, when Tante Esther let it slip.”
Tante Esther was much younger than Manman, hip and bold and adored by his siblings, but Tobias’s relationship with her had always been rocky. Even now, almost fifteen years later, he wasn’t sure if she’d told him the truth about his adoption because she felt he deserved to know or if she’d simply been carelessly cruel. Not that it mattered at this point.
“Esther,” Papa muttered. “Of course.”
“I looked it up on the microfiche at the library afterward and read all about the case. And I—the thing is, I understand that. You didn’t want a kid to know that he’d been treated like garbage, and yes, I was angry at the time, but I understand it. This—these lies, for years, even once I was old enough...this I don’t understand.”
“Tobias,” Manman said from behind him. He turned, and the letter must’ve become visible, because her confused gaze dropped to the envelope and went hollow with clarity. “Oh, Toby.”
“Don’t call me that,” he said quietly, and her expression twisted. He refused to feel guilty.
“You protect family,” Papa said stiffly, and Tobias turned back to him, surprised at the response. It was so obvious, wasn’t it, that they’d done wrong? But perhaps not, and Tobias considered for the first time that the reasonable expression in the older man’s eyes wasn’t reason at all, but rigidity.
“You’re not sorry.” Tobias couldn’t believe it. “You lied, and you’re not even sorry.”
“You don’t understand—” Manman began.
“No, you don’t understand. There is no explanation that makes this okay.” Now Tobias had yelled again, leaving them both staring at him, and he didn’t care. He didn’t want to try to calm down. He never would’ve managed it, and besides, this anger was both pleasurable and warming—he wanted to keep it. “You’re liars. This isn’t protection. This is control.”
In the ensuing silence Tobias could hear Ruby crying in the living room.
“You can’t behave like this around your siblings.” Papa climbed to his feet, and it should’ve been a sign of his impatience, a minor aggression even, but it wasn’t. Andre Alcide, for the first time in Tobias’s life, appeared small. “You absolutely cannot speak to me this way.”
“No?” Tobias reached down and picked up his letter. “You keep forgetting that I’m old enough to do what I want.”
Papa’s spine straightened, his gaze hardening. “While you’re here, as a member of this household, there is a standard of behavior, young man. I understand that you’re upset, but there’s a right way and a wrong way to handle it. You owe your best to the people who love you, to your dignity, and to your responsibilities.”
And like that, Tobias was done. He was just...done. He tuned his father out and headed for the hall, gently edging his mother out of the way. In his room, he grabbed his backpack, dumping it upside down over his mattress so that everything spilled out. He shoved his laptop, his allergy pills, and a couple T-shirts and changes of underwear inside, not bothering to close the drawer again. He grabbed his wallet and his toothbrush and everything else that his shaking hands could grasp. After a brief hesitation, he picked up his textbooks as well.
When Tobias shut his door behind him, his parents were in the hall, Manman begging with her eyes, Papa watching with his mouth flat and stunned.
“I’ll come back for the rest of my things.” Tobias pushed past them, still gentle, because he couldn’t hurt them, not like that.
Ruby was downstairs on the couch, her face screwed up tight as she sobbed, her cheeks wet. Mirlande was beside her, rubbing her back, watching Tobias somberly. He sank onto the cushion beside Ruby, tugging her into his arms. She clung to him.
“I love you,” he said. “So much. I’ll call you. Tell the others I’ll call them too, okay?”
“Toby,” she gasped, shoulders heaving, and he kissed her forehead and peeled her hands from his waist.
“I love you,” he said again. To Mirlande, he murmured, “Call from your cell if you need me.”
She nodded, her hand landing warm on his forearm to squeeze once.
“Tobias,” Manman choked out. “Wait, please.”
He could sense Papa on the stairs watching, but Tobias didn’t look at him or say anything to either of them.
He left.
* * *
The motel room smelled like cigarettes and wet dog.
Tobias sat on the orange and blue duvet, his backpack beside him because he didn’t dare risk
