Let’s do it.
Chapter Six
As I pulled up outside Kate’s huge architect-designed new build, she was already strolling through the electric gates.
‘What the hell have you come as?’ I asked taking in her ridiculously large sunglasses and psychedelic Pucci headscarf as she slid into the passenger seat.
‘I’m undercover,’ she said, placing a large orange Hermès bag on her lap. It wasn’t worth pointing out that the chances of us needing to blend in with a rainbow were slim and Samantha wouldn’t know her from Adam anyway.
‘Very well. Let’s go,’ I said, shifting into drive.
We parked across the road from the barristers’ chambers in Manchester and I pulled up Samantha’s picture on Facebook and handed it to Kate. ‘This is who we’re looking for.’
‘She’s quite pretty in a timid mouse kind of way,’ Kate said. ‘I bet all the middle-aged barrister blokes want to bang her.’
‘Kate!’ I tutted.
‘Well, am I wrong?’
‘Probably not, but keep those comments between us – don’t say things like that in front of Sam!’
Kate shrugged. ‘Fine. What’s the plan now? Are we going in?’
‘I’m thinking stakeout, watch her leave, see where she goes . . .’
‘Okay, that could take a while. It’s a good job I brought sustenance.’ Kate reached into her bag and pulled out two foil-capped plastic glasses of wine and some Quavers.
‘You keep Quavers in a Hermès?’ I shook my head.
‘What can I say, it’s such a practical size. Besides that, it was Carl’s sorry-I-had-to-work-away present, and if it starts to smell a bit cheesy and irks him then maybe he’ll think twice about leaving me alone for two weeks in future.’
‘You can be such a cow,’ I said.
Kate pulled the foil off one of the glasses and handed it to me. ‘Here, drink this – it may just shut you up.’
‘I’m driving!’
‘Oh a few sips won’t hurt and we’ll be here a while.’
‘Shh.’ I elbowed her in the side. ‘Look, is that her?’ I pointed to a lady walking down the steps of the building.
Kate moved her glasses down her nose a little to peer over them. ‘Blonde, pretty, girl-next-door type. Could be.’ She pushed the glasses back up.
‘We can’t follow her until we’re sure. Go and get a better look.’
Kate shot me a why-should-I do-it look so I prodded at the steering wheel and shooed her away. She gathered her faculties and got out of the car with less elegance than when she’dgot in, banging her glasses on the doorframe as she left.
‘Are you sure you don’t need a Jack-Duckworth-strength prescription on those?’ I called after her, earning myself a rather impolite middle-fingered gesture in response.
She crossed the road and followed the woman and it wasn’t long before I lost sight of both of them so slid out my phone to pass the time. There was a message from Megan in the group chat.
How’s it going? Any news? X
I quickly keyed a message back.
We think we’ve spotted her leaving work. Kate has gone to investigate x
Megan replied:
Okay, keep us posted x
It was a good ten minutes or so before Kate returned, letting out a huge sigh as she fell into the car.
‘These shoes were not made for walking,’ she said, slipping off her Louboutins.
‘Why on earth would you wear those for a stakeout?’
‘I needed a nude pump with this headscarf, of course.’
I shook my head. ‘What did you find?’
‘Well I got a closer look, and I’m pretty sure it’s her.’
‘And . . . where did she go?’
Kate shrugged. ‘Nowhere exciting, just in some stuffy solicitor’s office. I assume she’s still working.’
‘Do you think that could be where Mr bit-on-the-side works?’
‘I doubt it. She was carrying files and things – I think it was work-related.’
‘Right, so are we calling it a day?’ I asked.
‘Not at all, it’s gin o’clock! Dump the car at home and let’s go out!’
When I got home, a little later and tipsier than expected, James was in bed. Feeling wide awake and still pumping with adrenaline, I decided to check the dating site to see if there were any other enquiries for Megan. I made myself a coffee and sat at the breakfast bar with my laptop. A little tingle of excitement hit me when I saw there were two new messages. The first was from a man called John.
Hi Megan,
I’ll cut to the chase. I’m normally on top of my dating game and thought these websites were for losers but I’ve recently been bed-bound after having an op. Nothing too serious – penis reduction in case you’re wondering ;).
John
‘Well John, I wasn’t but it’s a shame you didn’t have the one on your forehead removed,’ I said aloud, striking the delete key. Once he’d been removed, I stared at the screen for a moment, flabbergasted. Whoever said ‘romance was dead’ was probably a disgruntled Me & You customer. Being single was a hard game to be in. I’d have probably given up on dating by now and joined a nunnery if I were doing it for myself. Poor Megan, she didn’t know it, but she was very fortunate to have me separating the wheat from the sheaf for her.
The second message was from my strongest contender so far – Andrew – and seeing his name gave me a slight flicker of hope.
Hi Megan,
Phew, you got back to me. I’m obviously too cool to have gone into complete panic mode after getting in touch but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit nervous about getting a reply. You’re the first (and only) person I’ve made contact with on here.
I am into fitness – I go to the gym as often as I can. I’m not a trainer like you as such but my nine-year-olds are some of the best dodgeball contenders you’ve seen this side of the Atlantic (I’m a primary school teacher by the way).
Full disclosure: The kids in my class would disagree with the ‘cool’ comment above
