“Don’t want to talk about it.”
“It might help.”
“I don’t want to scare you.” I didn’t want to put these horrific ideas in her head. She was the one who’d actually lived through my nightmare. Why would she want to be reminded of it?
“Nothing scares me, Diesel.” She took my hand and rested it on her thigh, our fingers interlocked together.
She was telling the truth. She never showed fear in the face of danger—even when it wasn’t smart to do so. “It’s about what happened…I keep having the same nightmare over and over. I jerk awake, and then I’m too afraid to go back to sleep.”
“Talking about it will help.”
I stared at the TV, feeling her powerful gaze on the side of my face. “I can always talk about it with someone else.”
“Not if the dream is about me.” She commanded me to look at her just with her tone of voice.
I turned my gaze back on her.
“I don’t lose sleep over what happened. It came and went…it’s over. I don’t look over my shoulder in fear. Bruce Carol tried to kill me, but he underestimated me. I shot him in the neck and the face, but the memory doesn’t make me shake. He tried to cross me—and he got exactly what he deserved. Life goes on, and I will go on as well. Despite my injuries and my suffering, I’m a very happy woman. I survived the ordeal, and I’ve been surrounded by the people I love. So you can tell me, Diesel. You can tell me anything.”
My eyes softened as I looked at the resilience on her face. She was the kind of light that never burned out. When dusk arrived and the sun was absent, it still shone on—it just couldn’t be seen. But with Titan, her light was everywhere. When the sun was gone, her light still reflected in the stars in the dead of night. It was my job to be the stronger partner in our relationship, to guide and protect her. But I found myself humbled by her strength. I found myself looking up to her rather than the other way around. “In my dream, he succeeds. And I’m standing there…doing nothing to stop it.” My stagnant position wasn’t caused by fear. I stood there because there was nothing else I could do. An invisible force held me back, making me useless in the situation.
I had been useless to her.
She brushed her soft fingers against my knuckles. “We both know what the dream means, Diesel.”
It was obvious to me every single time I had the nightmare.
“You aren’t responsible, Diesel. Let it go.”
“I should have been there…”
“That’s not true,” she whispered. “I don’t need a man to protect me. The only person I need is myself. You’re my partner, not my savior. I want to share my life with you, not hand it over to you. You need to forgive yourself.”
“I can’t…”
“Then I’ll make you.” The wonderful fire was in her eyes, the flames that drew me to her in the first place.
I remembered the way my father changed after my mother died. It happened so fast that he couldn’t process it at the time. He stared at the front door like he kept waiting for her to walk inside. “I know my father relives that day over and over again. If only she hadn’t gotten in that car, she’d still be here right now. That’s how I feel now. If you hadn’t gone home alone…it never would have happened.”
“If it didn’t happen then, it would have happened some other time. And I’m glad it happened, Diesel.”
My eyes narrowed on her face.
“Because now it’s over. I survived, and I’m going to make a full recovery. I never have to worry about him hunting me down again. That relief is a wonderful gift. It’s much better than the fear of waiting for it to happen. The biggest turmoil of our relationship has come and gone. Enjoy this feeling of freedom. Enjoy this feeling of safety.”
I stared at our joined hands, knowing I needed to listen to her. She was the smartest person I knew, so logical that it made me seem irrational. She put everything in perspective so well.
“Forgive yourself, Diesel.”
“I need you to forgive me first.” I squeezed her hand.
A soft smile came over her lips. “There’s nothing to forgive, Diesel. But I’ll give it to you…if that’s what you need to hear.”
I did need to hear it. I needed to know that this was really behind us, that we would move forward and find happiness. “I promise to protect you for as long as I live, Tatum. I know I’m supposed to make that promise on our wedding day…but I’m making it now.”
“You don’t need to make a promise like that, Diesel. But I accept it anyway. And I give the same promise to you.”
She’d been looking out for me since the beginning. She could have taken that deal with my father, but she remained loyal to me. Her loyalty had never faltered since the day we met, even during our worst times. I wasn’t just a lucky man because of Tatum’s beauty and success. I was lucky because of all the beauty in her heart. She was the greatest person I knew—and she loved me with all her heart.
I was damn lucky.
My suit was laid out on the bed, and Tatum had a fiery look in her eyes the second I woke up that morning.
I connected the dots quickly.
She wanted me to go back to work.
“Breakfast and coffee are on the table, and your suit has just been pressed. You better hustle.” She insisted on doing things for me around the house, like cooking or laundry, because she said she needed stuff to do. Not going to work every day was driving her crazy.
We hadn’t revisited this conversation—at least, not formally.
