“Don’t be. It took me a long time to understand that being young is about finding the right person. I obviously wasn’t the right person for him, and he followed his instincts. He was always honest with me, so how could I hate him? I know the whole thing caused him pain too.”
Not enough pain, if you asked me.
“But now that I’m happy on my own, I don’t want to go down that road again. Being by myself feels a lot safer. I’m very protective of my happiness, and I’m not sure if I could risk it for someone again…”
Her perspective made complete sense to me. She’d loved a man, but that love wasn’t good enough for him. That kind of rejection stung forever. But I didn’t want to feel that way, to feel scared of loving someone. “You shouldn’t give up. He wasn’t the man you’re supposed to be with, because the real guy is still out there somewhere.”
“Maybe…maybe not.” Her eyes drifted away, leaving the conversation as her thoughts swirled behind her eyes.
I abandoned my food because I lost my appetite. Her pain shocked my whole system so I wasn’t interested in my dinner, no matter how good it was. Now I wanted to make her feel better, to do anything to pull her from this misery. “He made the biggest mistake of his life, Autumn.”
“I’ve seen them together, and I don’t think he did.” A soft smile formed on her lips. “I guess that’s why I’m okay with it. I wouldn’t go out of my way to be nice to the woman he married the way you are with Diesel…but I don’t hate her.”
Now I felt like a jerk for lying to her. She only told me that story because she thought I was going through the same thing. I wanted to correct her, but I thought that might embarrass her. I didn’t know what to do, so I didn’t do anything. “Thanks for telling me…”
“I see the way you are with Titan, and I know you’re going through it too. But it must be hard to see the love of your life on a regular basis…”
I hid my cringe as best as I could. “It’s…it’s not as intense as you think it is.”
“And I understand why you don’t want a relationship either. I can’t blame you. Having good sex with someone with no expectations is a lot easier. You don’t get your hopes up, you don’t get your trust up, and you know the arrangement has a deadline. It takes all the emotional bullshit out of it.”
I wanted the same thing, but for different reasons. I was incapable of love, so I just wanted lust. I’d never had my heart broken because I couldn’t fall in love in the first place. If I told her that, she would think I was crazy—as she should. “Do you want to have a family?”
“I do…eventually. I’m not sure how right now, but I’ve always wanted kids.”
That was something I wanted too, to have my own family. I needed a wife for that, but without love, I would never find anyone, unless it was a mail-order bride. Titan was different because she had the same desires I did.
But then I realized Autumn did too.
She wanted the exact same thing…
Autumn turned back to me, and her eyes narrowed as she looked into mine. “What?”
I knew she was commenting on the new expression I wore, the brightness in my eyes at my discovery. I didn’t know what to do with this information because I’d just uncovered it, but I definitely wanted to put it to use—just not right now. “Nothing.”
Chapter Six
Vincent
I arrived at the restaurant first and sat there alone. A single candle flickered in the center of the table, and a bottle of my favorite wine was there. My glass had been poured, but I didn’t drink from it because it felt rude to start without her.
I never offered to pick up Scarlet because that felt too intimate.
Like it was a date.
I wasn’t sure what this was. Up until that point, I hadn’t been really thinking about my actions that much. I was just doing things…doing things that I wanted to do. I knew I enjoyed Scarlet’s company so I kept requesting more of her time even though I had no idea where it would go.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted it to go anywhere.
It was easy for me to bed women like Alessia because I knew it was meaningless. It wasn’t like I loved any of the women who came after Isabella. They were warm bodies in my sheets, beautiful women to satisfy my physical needs. I was a sexual man, even at my age in life. But I didn’t feel ashamed for those necessities.
No one judged me for that.
But to actually care about someone…that was different.
I hadn’t done more than shake Scarlet’s hand, but I felt like I’d already touched her everywhere.
It felt wrong.
It felt right.
I didn’t notice her approach because I was too busy wrestling with my own guilt. I wanted to justify what I was doing, but there was no excuse to mask what was really happening.
I liked Scarlet.
I rose to my feet just as she reached the table. She was in a sweetheart-top black dress that was tight around her waist. It stopped just above her knee, and her black pumps gave her a few extra inches. Her hair was pulled back, revealing the beautiful skin of her neck and chest. She looked beautiful in a classic way, but she also looked stunning in other ways…
In ways that made me wonder how that olive skin would look against my sheets.
I’d been attracted to other women before, even strongly.
But my attraction to Scarlet was much more intense—in a lot of ways. “You look
