I didn’t want to lose her. I hadn’t had her that long, and now she was already slipping away. Our time was too short, and I wasn’t ready to walk away. It’d been over a month, longer than most of my arrangements, but this seemed exceptionally short. “Then let’s go back to being a fling. I’ll only be professional in front of Titan and Diesel. You have my word. So, problem solved.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at the ground instead of me.
Wasn’t that what she wanted to hear? “What else? You want to start seeing other people again?” I didn’t want to do that—at all. But if that’s what she wanted, then fine. I’d settle.
“No.” She looked up, the same dead look on her face. “I don’t want that. That’s the whole problem.”
Now I was lost. “Sorry?”
“It’s obvious we both want completely different things.”
“That’s not possible. I want whatever you want, Autumn. Tell me what you want, and I’ll give it to you.”
She released a chuckle, but it was full of so much sorrow I actually felt the pain seep into my skin. “Thorn, you’re such a brilliant man but so damn stupid.”
“Excuse me?”
The smile on her face was completely sarcastic, but the emotion in her eyes was sincere. “When I first made a move on you, I told myself I could do a fling. I knew you would just break my heart, so I had to keep it light. And then we started seeing each other more, and I convinced myself everything would be alright… It’s not alright. Before I even met you, I had such a crush on you. Every time I’d see you on the news or in a magazine I’d get those butterflies in my stomach. Then I met you in person…and you were even better than through the pages of a magazine.”
I listened to all of it without breathing, finding the information absolutely shocking. She hid her interest in me so well. I thought she was indifferent to me most of the time.
“I got so jealous over Titan… It would happen all the time. Anytime she was mentioned, I felt a rock form in my stomach. That was the biggest sign I needed to walk away, but I didn’t. You said you wanted to be exclusive, and I should have left then too…but I didn’t. And now you’re proposing an idea of a convenient marriage…and like an idiot, I actually want to consider it. So, this is it for me, Thorn. With every passing day, I become more emotionally attached to you. If I don’t walk away now, I’m going to get crushed. So this has to end now.” She took a deep breath when she finished because she’d been talking a million miles an hour up to that point. “I didn’t think I’d be able to recover from my last heartbreak, and when I did, I said I wouldn’t risk it again. But here I am, doing it again…only this time is worse. “This is it for me. I want to be friends and colleagues…but that’s it.”
I’d had plenty of time to process what she said because she’d been talking for so long. I’d had time to prepare for the bomb she dropped on my head. But I couldn’t have anticipated how much her words would hurt me. They cut into me like a dirty knife that had been sitting in the soil for decades. The wound festered immediately and made me sick. I wasn’t in love with this woman, but the immense amount of pain she had just caused me made me think otherwise. She said she wanted to end things, and I wanted to tell her that I didn’t accept it.
That I didn’t want to let her go.
I didn’t want to find someone else to bring back to my place. I didn’t want to see Autumn on a regular basis and pretend she was just some woman I worked with. I’d never felt this kind of attachment to anyone. “I didn’t know you felt that way…”
“I did my best to hide it. I’ve had flings with other guys, and that was easy. We’d just have fun. I thought you wouldn’t be any different. But then you were…and I wasn’t strong enough to walk away.”
Now would be the right time to say something meaningful, but I couldn’t think of anything. Autumn had wanted me before she even met me. My proposal tempted her because she wanted me so much. “Hear me out…”
She pulled her arms tighter around her body.
“You said you were tempted by my proposal.”
“For, like, a second,” she whispered.
“Why?”
She shook her head.
“Just answer me.”
“Having Thorn Cutler as a husband sounds pretty nice. You’re not only wealthy but respectable. You’re gorgeous as sin and fun to be with. You’re great in bed…the best I’ve ever had. You’re honest and loyal…I could go on.”
“So the only drawback is me seeing other women?”
She closed her eyes for a moment, as if just the suggestion hurt her. “I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t…know you were out with someone else. I want to pretend that I would be okay, but that would be a lie. It would eat me up inside.”
If she were out with someone else, I’d feel the same way. “What if I didn’t see anyone else?”
She cocked her head, her eyes squinting. “What…?”
“Would you consider my proposal if we remained monogamous? I would remain faithful to you.”
She stared at me as if she didn’t understand a word I’d just said. “How is that any different than a regular marriage, then?”
“I guess it’s not…”
“So we would just get married for the convenience and remain faithful to each other?” she asked. “Now it sounds like an arranged marriage.”
“But it would give us both what we want. We could start a family, and we could both have successful partners. I bring a lot to the table, and
