“Here you go.” She put the gin and tonic down in front of Carmen and gave her a warm smile before setting her own drink down.
Carmen’s return smile was gorgeous, and Ash’s heart thudded. This woman…
“Okay, before I sit back down I need to go to the loo,” Ash said. “Be right back.”
There was a queue for the toilets, but it was short. While she waited, Ash scrolled through the news on her phone and checked the notifications for the studio’s page on Facebook. She was pleased to see she’d picked up another two five-star reviews, which was always good for business.
When she’d finished in the bathroom and washed her hands, she made her way back through the throngs towards their table.
She was perhaps twenty feet away, working her way around a big group of lads all drinking pints and talking loudly to each other, when she slowed her steps. There was a man sitting in her seat, chatting to Carmen. He was good-looking, with short, dark hair, a classically chiselled jaw, and, from what she could see of his upper body, totally fit.
Carmen laughed at something he said, nodded, then held out her hand as he offered her a card.
Is she taking his number? Ash’s blood ran hot and cold; sweat broke out on the small of her back, and her stomach tightened to a sharp knot.
No, not Carmen. Not her. She’s different. She’s not like Vikki.
Is she?
Just as she managed to make her legs work again and pushed her way through the group, the man stood and threw Carmen a dazzling smile. Moments later, he walked out of the pub.
Carmen turned to Ash as she approached. “You were gone a while, is it busy back there?”
“Who was that?” Ash heard her own voice, heard the accusatory tone in it, but there was nothing she could have done to stop it.
Carmen flinched. “No one.” Her tone was even, but a spark of fire flashed in her eyes. “Just some overeager man.”
“You took his card.” Ash’s pulse pounded so loudly in her ears it almost drowned out the sounds of the pub around her.
“I think you should sit down.” Carmen’s voice was like cold steel.
Ash roughly pulled out her chair and sat, disgusted to feel the remnants of the body heat he’d left behind on the seat.
Carmen pinned Ash with a stare. “He came over to talk to me the minute you’d gone. Rather than cause a scene, I let him talk.”
“You took his card,” Ash repeated, her voice like gravel, her anger and fear making her shake.
“Yes. I did. Because it was by far the easiest way to get rid of him.” Carmen sat back and shook her head. “Have you any idea how little some men understand the word no ? I have learned over the years that with egos like that, it is far easier to assuage than argue. God knows they’re stupid enough to think I will call them back.” She shook her head again. “But I have to say, it’s pretty upsetting that I’m having to explain myself this way. How on earth could you think that there was anything more to it than that?”
Ash swallowed. Was she jumping to the wrong conclusion, letting her fears take over? But Carmen had looked so relaxed with him…
“Oh my God.” Carmen stared at her. “You still don’t trust me, do you? Don’t trust in what I’ve said I feel for you. Jesus, you’re still waiting for me to walk away from this, from us.” She blanched. “You can’t get past this idea in your head that I’m only experimenting. When actually what I feel for you is stronger than anything I’ve felt in years.”
Is that it? Do I trust her? I thought I did but… “No, it’s…” She didn’t know how to explain it, how to even explain her fears to herself, never mind Carmen. “This, us, has all happened so fast. I’ve been used to protecting myself, being cautious about who I get to know. Who I let in. Some things that happen to us have big consequences, you know? They affect us and—”
“I understand,” Carmen said intently. “But tarring me with the same brush as that woman from your past is grossly unfair, isn’t it?”
“On some level I do know that. Really I do.”
“But you can’t let it go?” Now Carmen’s voice was quiet and sad, and Ash didn’t know how to take that away, not when, deep down, Carmen might be right: Ash couldn’t seem to let go of her fears. Not enough to make this work.
They stared at each other in silence for a few moments.
Carmen placed a hand on her forehead and let out a long breath. “This day has been awful. And I have literally no energy left tonight to prove myself to you.” She shoved the man’s card under her glass and stood. “I’m going to go. Please think about what I’ve said. I think we could have something special here. Something amazing.” Her voice cracked. “But if you’re always going to be looking over your shoulder for what could go wrong, what’s the point of us continuing?”
Ash watched her pick up her bag. She should say something, make Carmen stay, but the words wouldn’t come.
Carmen’s eyes were wet, and she wiped quickly at them with a finger. “I… You mean so much to me, Ash. And I really wanted us to see what this could be. But I can’t do that if you’re not as committed to it as I am. If you come to the resolution that you can be, call me, okay? Please?”
Ash nodded, numb and unable to lift even a hand to wave goodbye. She watched Carmen walk out of the pub, her heart heavy.
Chapter 35
“Are you okay?” Monica frowned as she looked at Carmen. “You don’t look very well. Are you sure everything went okay at lunch?”
“It did. The lawyer was great. Like
