She pulled on his shirt, lifting it over his head before she pressed her body against his. Skin to skin. Warmth to warmth. Hard to soft. His deft fingers unhooked her bra and flung it to the floor. Undid the button on her pants and slid them off. She lay on her back, her hair a halo of darkness spread across the white cotton pillowcase.
“Sweet Ellie,” he murmured, looking down at her with too much compassion, too much care, too much emotion in his eyes. He slid off his jeans, his erection springing free and straining toward her. Naked James was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. The dark lines of his tattoos swirling into the hard lines of his body.
He kissed an ankle, and a calf, his mouth leading him up her thighs, his hands trailing gentle paths up to her belly. He traced his tongue across her slit and she moaned, her core throbbing with need.
“Please, James. I need you. I need you inside me.” As she said it, she realized she didn’t just mean physically.
She needed him in her heart, past her defenses.
She needed him to know all of her.
“I need to be inside you, too, sweet Ellie.”
There was no time to wonder if he understood what she really meant, if he knew that she needed him on more than one level. James positioned himself between her legs and in one slow thrust, sheathed himself deep inside her. She cried out and he groaned, a primal acknowledgement of their connection. He rocked his hips and kissed her, savoring her as if she were a fine wine. Rich, fragrant, and designed for enjoyment.
“I need you,” she said, turning her head to the side as his movement gained speed and force, building her orgasm.
“I know.” He kissed her jawline. Suckled at her breast. “And I need you, too.”
His admission pushed her over the edge, her muscles clenching around him as she cried out, fists buried in the sheets at her side.
James sat up, grabbed her hips and put her legs over his shoulders, increasing the friction, hitting a spot so deep inside she didn’t know what to do with herself. He was taking her to a place she’d never been before, driving deeper and deeper, claiming more and more of her as his. Her first orgasm rolled into a second and she came harder than she ever had, her voice keening and sobbing as she gave herself over.
With one final thrust, James came, shuddering and collapsing on top of her. His body pressed down on hers, sheltering her from the world, hiding even the moonlight. For one glorious moment she felt safe, and then James went rigid. Sat up, eyes wide.
“Oh, fuck.”
She pushed up on her elbows, fully aware that he was still inside her, but so disconcerted by his reaction. “What?”
“Oh, Ellie …” James swallowed hard. “Please tell me you’re on the pill.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Ellie
“Yes,” Ellie lied while everything inside her screamed the truth.
Oh my God! We just had unprotected sex!
“I’m on the pill.” She had no idea why she lied to James.
None whatsoever.
But once the lie was out, she couldn’t bring herself to take it back. Couldn’t stand the thought of seeing his face crumble with fear over what they’d just done.
He collapsed back on top of her, relief evident in the long breath he released. The sagging weight of his body as he let go of all the tension his fear stoked inside him. “I’m clean, by the way,” he said. She almost didn’t hear him over the clamor of thoughts in her head. “Thought it’d be a good idea to get tested after I started, um, you know…”
James sat up and sought eye contact and Ellie nodded, not trusting her words because her mind was flipping out.
What had she done?
They’d just shared an amazingly intimate moment, one unlike anything she’d experienced in all her life, and she finished it off by lying to him?
Her stomach spun and bile rose in her throat.
What kind of person was she?
There he was, being amazing to her, taking care of her, offering her money and help at work and a place to stay when she needed it. Wrapping her up in his arms and making sure she felt safe.
And she repaid all that goodness with dishonesty?
James caressed her cheek, leaned in for a kiss, and smoothed her hair back from her face. “I got you,” he said. “I know you’ve been doing this whole life thing by yourself for a long time. But you’ve got me now and you’ll see how much better things can be when you’re part of a team.”
Ellie smiled and the tears she spent the evening fighting finally overwhelmed her.
Just tell him! Tell him you’re not on birth control, screamed one part of her.
Don’t tell him. There’s no need for him to worry for the next couple weeks. The deed is done, rationalized the other part.
You’ll lose him if you don’t tell…
You’ll lose him if you do tell…
And then, the worst thought of all. It doesn’t matter because he’s not yours anyway.
James pulled her into his lap, the sheets bunching beneath her legs, and held her close. He rocked her and whispered to her, letting her cry and promising he was going to make things okay.
Ellie sobbed.
She sobbed for the woman who, after decades of locking people out had finally let someone in.
She sobbed because she lied.
She sobbed because she wanted to be honest with James just as much as she never wanted to admit that when it mattered most, she hadn’t been.
After a while, longer than she liked, she finally got herself under control. “Thank you,” she said, wiping her eyes.
“You don’t have to keep thanking
