“And I just love feeling like I’m part of his family. It’s something I never had…”
“I know. I’m really happy for you. This is everything you ever needed.”
“But it’s slipping through my hands.”
“Shush. Don’t focus on that. Stay positive. What else? What else is good?”
Ellie thought hard. “Juliet and Ian are having a Halloween party. Costumes and everything. Kind of a late engagement party kind of thing. James wants to go as the Hulk, but I have no idea what I should be.”
“You guys should totally go as the Terminator and Sarah Connor.”
A couple’s costume.
Ellie loved the idea and hated that she loved it all at the same time.
She ached at the thought she and James weren’t really a couple. At the thought that she was fooling herself into believing he cared for her. She knew Tessa was trying to help her ignore that ache, to help her focus on where she was instead of where she was afraid she’d end up, but Ellie couldn’t ignore the facts. Couldn’t ignore the gnawing feeling in her gut that she finally had everything she’d ever wanted and was about to lose it.
Tessa was right. She needed to stop worrying and start doing. She needed to get off her ass and find out if she was really pregnant. She couldn’t know how to move forward until she knew what moving forward looked like. Was she trying to figure out how to tell James she loved him and didn’t want things to end after Ian’s wedding? Or was she trying to figure out how to tell James all of that with the added confusion of bringing a baby into the mix?
Dear God. How had she let things get so far out of hand?
“When’s the party?” Tessa interrupted her thoughts and Ellie wondered how long she’d sat silent on the phone.
“This weekend. Saturday night.”
“So that gives you what? Three days to get the costumes together?”
And three days to figure out what the hell I’m going to do.
“Yep. That’ll be more than enough time, don’t you think?”
“For sure, especially if you go the Terminator and Sarah Connor route. Those costumes should be easy.”
“No doubt.” Ellie got the smile back into her voice even though her mind was churning through worries and plans and what ifs.
“You feeling better?” Tessa asked. “You sound like you’re feeling better.”
“So much better. Thank you.”
Tessa said her goodbyes and made Ellie promise to call her the moment she knew anything. Ellie promised and ended the call. She did feel better, though not because she was relieved. She felt better because she had a plan, or at least the beginnings of one.
First things first, she would stop worrying and start doing. She gathered her chair and her phone, then trekked back into the house. Grabbed her purse and drove to the pharmacy. Then stopped at the first gas station she found and sat in the car, building her confidence before going inside.
It would be better to know.
Better to take action.
But she couldn’t help but feel, as she walked through the empty convenience store and locked herself into the bathroom, that she was opening a window and unleashing the wind on her house of cards.
Chapter Thirty-Two
James
Ellie made the most adorable Sarah Connor of all time. The time she’d spent at the gym had given her arms just enough definition to really pull off the black tank top and her ass looked amazing in the black cargo pants. She’d taken hours to straighten her hair and pull it back into a ponytail. Add a tactical belt, some toy guns strapped to her waist and back, and a pair of aviators, and she looked smokin’ hot.
“I feel kind of ridiculous trying to pull off Schwarzenegger.” James tugged at the black leather jacket and itched at the prosthetic makeup transforming half his face into a robot. “I’m not big enough.”
Ellie smiled, but her eyes were far away. “You look amazing. Way better than Schwarzenegger ever did.”
“Now I know you’re lying.”
He waited for her to take the bait. To hit him back with some flash of honesty or wit, but Ellie just smiled again. Her eyes searched his and he could swear she was on the verge of saying something. Instead, she smiled weakly and turned away.
“What time does the party start?”
James wanted to ask what was wrong. Wanted to push her to open up and let him in, but he knew how hard it was for her to do that. That it took monumental effort for Ellie to allow herself to be vulnerable. He was afraid if he pushed her, she would spook. And he really didn’t want to spook her.
He’d been thinking more and more about suggesting they forget the whole fake relationship thing.
There was nothing fake about what was between them.
He just needed to find the right time to bring it up and given how distant she had been the last few days, it kept feeling like the wrong time.
“We should probably leave. I’m sure people are already showing up, but I want to make a flashy entrance. Show you off.” He pulled her in for a kiss. The sweet scent of her hair and perfume wrapped around him and made him want to pull her in closer. Ellie kissed him back, fervently, eager and hungry and needy. Her hands roved his body and she melted against him.
When he looked in her eyes, he saw what he wanted to see. She loved him. Or she was on the verge of loving him. But, there was fear there, too. He didn’t want her to be afraid.
Whatever it was she was dealing with, he needed her to know he would help her. He would be there for her. He needed her to know she wasn’t alone anymore and if he had his way, she would never go back to living on not enough. Never go back to scraping by to keep the lights on. Never go
