He nodded. “I’ll move it into the garage. That is, if you’ll stay.”
“I might have to. I’ve lost count of the amount of wine I’ve had.”
He grinned, topping of my glass again.
We were quiet a bit longer, when I asked. “Have you and Eli ever talked since that night he showed up to my apartment four years ago?”
Nick’s jaw tensed. “Not really. I’ve tried. Mostly he just yells at me for fucking you.”
“My dad says he’s disenchanted and taking it out on you because you achieved your goals.”
“Not all of them.” His green eyes bore into mine, filled with a meaning I didn’t quite get.
“What haven’t you achieved?”
He continued to stare for a moment and then looked down. “Just stuff. As far as Eli goes, I’ve given up. To be honest, he always did have a lazy streak. Maybe not lazy, but not working to his potential. He’d rather take the easy route. You and I, we stayed on course for our goals. Never veering, even when it meant sacrificing something important.”
It didn’t take a shrink to know he meant sacrificing us.
“By taking the easy route, Eli doesn’t have to work so hard or sacrifice, except that what he doesn’t realize is that he’s given up achieving his goals. That’s his sacrifice. It’s his fault, not mine, but I can see where he’d have resentment about it.”
I shook my head. “He has no reason to resent you. You worked hard, he tried to scrape by. I hadn’t realized his acceptance to Davis was revoked for his grades until my dad said something. Did you know?”
“I suspected. The thing is, Eli is a good shopkeeper. The community loves him. If he could stop whining and see what he has, and what he’s capable of doing, he’d be successful.”
I nodded. “I don’t know how to help him with that.”
“Maybe you should suggest he go to counseling,” Nick quipped.
“He’s less likely to go than you are. Men can be so pigheaded.”
“I don’t see you going to counseling.”
“For what?”
He studied me. “Everyone has issues, Mia. Even someone as near to perfect as you.”
A part of me liked that he thought I was near to perfect; except I knew he was just being facetious.
“What about you, Nick? You’ve got your successful career in your home town. Why haven’t you let a woman make an honest man out of you.”
“I guess I haven’t found the right one.”
“But you’re not looking either, are you?”
“The last time I asked a woman to sign up for a life with me, it didn’t go so well.”
I pursed my lips. “You and I both know that had either of us given up our dreams, we’d resent each other like Eli resents you.”
He shrugged. “The women who are interested in me are more interested in their status in the community or perceived wealth.”
“Perceived?”
“I make good money, most of which goes to pay student loans.”
“What about the women you’re interested in? Are there any?”
“There are a few I’ve enjoyed spending time with … outside of the bed,” he clarified. “But they don’t like when I’m on call or when I have to work nights.”
“Life of a doctor.”
“I could go into private practice and have better hours.”
Intrigued, I leaned forward. “Have you thought about that?”
He nodded. “Actually, I have, off and on. I like the challenge of emergency medicine. And the feeling of making a difference when people really need it.”
“You’re good at it.”
He looked away, and I got the feeling he didn’t agree. He used to, I knew, but the issue with Ms. Mason was taking a toll. I suspected I was right and her death was just a straw on the camel’s back of a career filled with stress and loss. How long before that camel’s back broke?
15
Nick
It was dangerous, how much I needed Mia. It was unsettling too. I was a strong man, so why was it that the only moments of relief from the guilt and self-doubt came when she was with me? Especially since she thought I was mentally compromised and needed counseling.
Whatever the reason, the fact that she was a balm on my tortured soul made me want to keep her around as long as possible.
We had a good dinner, and I was glad she stayed away from the topic of Ms. Mason. We washed the dishes together, and for a moment it felt like old times. Old times that I wanted to live in a little while longer.
I pulled her to me before she could leave the kitchen. “Stay with me tonight.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “That’s probably not a good idea.”
“We can put your car in the garage, although I’m not on a busy road. I don’t have neighbors close by. No one will know.” I knew I should respect her wishes and her job. Jesus, if she got fired because of me, I’m not sure I’d could take anymore guilt.
“Do you think it’s wise? Living in the past.”
A stab of pain lanced my heart, even thought I’d thought the same thing. What we were engaging in was reminiscing about old times, not something new. “I know you’re not interested in a relationship. And I don’t want to get you in trouble. But I’d like to spend more time with you.”
Her smile was slow and coy. “One night.”
I didn’t want to limit how many times we might spend together. “Tonight.”
“Okay.”
Thank fuck. It was still early, but I led her to my bed and lost myself in her sweet scent and her soft body. I was sure I’d sleep through the night with only images of her and pleasure. It started out that way, with Mia riding me, her round tits bouncing as she made my dick sing with joy. Just before my dream orgasm, Ms. Mason showed up, asking how I could be enjoying life after what I’d done. Jane
