We sat at the dining room table. “I wanted to ask you how you were doing,” he said. I knew he meant Ms. Mason.
“I won’t lie, Jim, it’s been tough.” Then remembering that he could tell Mia anything I said to him, I decided to keep my comments brief. “But I’m doing what needs to be done. How about you? Did you catch the nature show on the bongos of Africa?”
He grinned. “I did. Beautiful beasts. I never made it to Africa.”
I felt bad that his ailment would probably keep him from going.
“I think they have one at the San Diego Zoo. Maybe we could go.”
He smiled wide. “I’d love that, but I know you’ve got a lot on your plate.”
I waved a hand pushing his comment away. “Even doctors need to take a break every now and then. Let me check my schedule.” I wondered what Mia and Eli would say to my taking Jim on a road trip. Or maybe we should fly. It was an hour and a half non-stop from Reno to San Diego. He looked well enough to make that flight.
Jim reached out and put his hand on mine. “You’re a good man, Nick.”
His comment sent a swell of emotion that took me by surprise. “Thank you.”
“I’m not your dad, but since he’s not here, I like to think of you as my son. Looking out for you.”
I laughed. “I do need looking out for.”
He shook his head. “Nah. I’m just returning the favor. I know you look out for me too.”
“You’re important to me.”
“And Mia? Is she important too?”
I flinched. “At one time she was. Not that I don’t care for her …” Shit. How did I explain my relationship with her? “We work together now.”
“I’m sorry things didn’t work out. Jane and I always hoped you two would. The idea of you as a son-in-law appealed to us.”
“Really? Even though Eli would be against it?”
He made a face. “Eli’s issues are his own. He focuses on you because that’s easy, but it’s not about you.”
“I forgot you used to be a shrink.”
“I prefer therapist, but yes. I can’t give you therapy, but if you ever needed a friend, Nick, I’m here for you.”
I sat back and studied him. “Has Mia been saying things about me?”
His brows knitted, letting me know she hadn’t been. “Is there something for Mia to say?”
I shrugged and turned my attention to my food, acting like it wasn’t any big deal. “She thinks I have PTSD or something ridiculous like that.” I took a bite of my sandwich, casting a quick glance at Jim to see his reaction.
He seemed to ponder that. “She hasn’t said anything, but PTSD is underreported in doctors.”
I shook my head. “We don’t work in combat zones or have our lives threatened.”
“PTSD isn’t limited to war or violent trauma. Daily experiences in hyper-tense moments that cause prolonged stress can cause it. In the emergency room, you’re confronted daily by life and death situations in which you have only seconds to react. I understand that during your residency you were threatened with a weapon twice.”
“Mia told you about that?”
“She did. The point is, PTSD is a rewiring of the brain and fight or flight system due to stress. That system is what keeps you alert and ready for anything in the emergency room. And sometimes things go wrong, in which guilt, I’m sure, gets added to it.”
I swallowed. “What you’re saying is true, but doctors need all that to be effective and human.”
“Yes, but it takes a toll. Do you have bad dreams?”
“On occasion,” I said not wanting to give away my recent nightly visits from his wife and Ms. Mason blaming me for their deaths. “Everyone does.”
He sighed. “Well, if you ever want to talk, I’m here for you. Between us only.”
I was glad he seemed to be letting the conversation go. “I appreciate that Jim. You know, what’s stressful for me is how you always kick my ass in chess.”
He let out a bark of a laugh. “No mercy in chess, son.”
20
Mia
When Nick didn’t show up for work the next day, I worried he might have quit. I hated the way things were left between us. Why didn’t he understand what a difficult position I was in? I could lose my license to practice if I didn’t represent my client, the hospital, to my full ability. That included Nick, but only to a certain point.
I didn’t want to use what I knew against him, but legally, I might have to. If his work was compromising patients now, I’d have no qualms about it, but I didn’t like that I might have to betray him. Then again, he could just as easily betray me, and let the administration know I’d slept with him.
God, what a situation I got myself in. I could only hope that he’d get a lawyer and that he and I could keep our secrets about each other to ourselves.
On the next day, he was back at work, which was a good sign. In the afternoon, a striking woman about my age entered my office and introduced herself as Victoria Manning, Nick’s new lawyer.
I should have guessed he find a lawyer that was beautiful. In some ways, she had similar features to me. Dark hair, blue eyes, and smart. She was also a few inches taller and several pounds thinner.
“I’m representing Dr. Nicholas Foster in a malpractice suit and am here to gather information.”
“We don’t just hand over documents,” I said, feeling annoyed and yes, jealous that this woman got to do what I couldn’t: protect Nick.
Her brow arched. “My representation of him
