I nodded. “I hate that.”
“I do too. Maybe we could, just for right now, not talk about it. Let’s not have it between us now.”
I lay my head on his chest. “Deal.” I ran my fingers over the hard lines of his pec muscles. “You’re amazing with my father. I think he wishes you were his child instead of me and Eli.”
“No, he doesn’t.” Nick’s hand caressed my back.
“I didn’t realize you and him were so close. You never said. Neither did he.”
Nick sighed. “We both knew Eli wouldn’t like it.”
I lifted my head again. “So what? Eli isn’t the center of the universe.”
“No, but your father needed him. He didn’t want or need additional stress.”
“That’s just so wrong.”
“It is what it is.”
I studied Nick, taking in each gorgeous feature of his face. “So, what do you and my dad do?”
Nick laughed. “Mostly he kicks my ass in chess.”
“He must love that.”
“I enjoy it too.”
“You said earlier my mother asked you to look after him. Was that when she was in her accident?”
His expression suggested that he wasn’t sure he wanted to go into the day my mother died. “Yes.”
“I want to know, Nick. I want to know how you were there for her like you’re there for my father now.”
He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he seemed resigned. “We knew fairly quickly that her internal injuries were severe. Even so, we got her ready for surgery because miracles happen sometimes, you know.”
I nodded.
“But she knew too. She actually asked to not do the surgery and instead for us to keep her comfortable until Eli and your dad could arrive. She asked me to call you. She wanted to say goodbye. It’s my fault that that didn’t happen, Mia. I’m sorry.”
My brows furrowed as I tried to figure out what he meant.
He let out a breath. “I convinced her to have the surgery. She’d die for sure without it, and with it, there was a chance, even if it was tiny, that it could work. But we couldn’t wait for your dad and Eli.”
He closed his eyes again and pinched the bridge of his nose. When he opened his eyes, he said, “I’m not responsible for her death, as Eli says, but I am responsible for his not being able to tell her goodbye. Or Jim or you. I’m so sorry, Mia. So, fucking sorry.”
“No.” I shook my head. “No, don’t be sorry.” I took his face in my hands and gave him a shake. “You tried to give her a chance to live.”
He shook his head. “It would have been a miracle—”
“And sometimes miracles happen. It didn’t this time, but that’s not your fault.”
Nick used his thumb to wipe tears I didn’t know I was crying. “Sometimes I feel so fucking inept.”
“I’m sorry. But I bet she knew you did everything you could.”
“She gave me a list of instructions,” he said on a sad laugh.
“Oh?”
“One was to look out for Jim, but Mia, you have to know, I care about your dad. My visits with him aren’t because I made a promise.”
“I know. What else did she tell you to do.”
He hesitated. “I haven’t managed any of them.”
“Oh? Why?”
“One was to make up with Eli. I tried, but, well …”
“What were the others?”
Again, he hesitated. “She wanted me to make up with you as well. She didn’t like your current boyfriend.”
“What?” I jerked back.
He shrugged. “She said he wasn’t good enough. Douche. That’s what she called him. He didn’t appreciate how smart you were, thinking that because you were from a small country town you couldn’t be as intelligent as him.”
I laughed. “She was always perceptive. The thing is, many men think that.”
“I know you’re smart, Mia.”
I gave him a gentle kiss. “She used to tell me all about what you were up to … and with whom.” It was so strange how accepting my parents had been of my relationship with Nick when Eli had told them about it. Not that they’d have been as angry as Eli was, but they really seemed to like the idea of me and Nick together.
His cheeks reddened. “Small town gossip. I think she hoped I’d be able to convince you to move back home. I tried to tell her that you were living your dream life and that came first over me or anyone.”
A pang of guilt followed by annoyance hit me in the gut. Yes, I’d chosen my career over him, but so had he. Oh, he’d once mentioned maybe moving to southern California, but I needed a clean start.
“You talked about all this while she was in the hospital?”
“She’d brought it up a few times before, so on that day … it was truncated. She said, ‘Get Mia. Bring her home. Make her happy.’”
“But you didn’t.”
He shook his head. “I was going to talk to you at the funeral about maybe moving home so I could at least feel like I honored her request by saying something, but … well, we never spoke when you were here.”
I closed my eyes as more guilt filled me as I abided by Eli’s wishes to avoid Nick. “I’m sorry, Nick.”
“I get it. It was a hard situation that would have been made worse if Eli got pissed.”
“I hate how we all act in ways to avoid pissing him off. It’s not right.”
“It was right for that time. And now she has what she wants. You’re home with your dad and Eli.”
“What about you?”
Nick shrugged. “She just saw me as the person who could get you here. As long as you’re with your family, she’s happy.”
“I didn’t realize how much I owed you.”
“You don’t owe me anything, Mia. I care about your family. They’re like family to me, especially after my folks moved away. I just wish I’d been able to order up that miracle.”
“Me too,” I said, all of a sudden
