“Is that why I’m here? Is this job simply so you can get me alone?”
To be honest, it was, and yet hearing her say it pissed me off. I had to know what the hell was up. “Why didn’t you come with me five years ago?”
“I told you—”
“No, you didn’t. You gave me some excuse about it being just a fling for you—”
“And you.”
“No. Not for me.”
Her breath hitched and she looked at me in surprise.
“So why didn’t you come with me to Europe,” I pressed again.
“I was convinced not to.”
“By who?”
She stared up at me and I couldn’t decide if she was hesitant to say who or was trying to come up with a story.
Finally, she said, “My parents. They were right in that I still had school to finish and I was being impulsive on something that could change my future.”
I studied her eyes wanting to know if that was the truth. The fact that I couldn’t be sure was reason enough to give up and walk away.
“It might have changed your future. Maybe for the better. Did you think I wouldn’t let you finish school? That I wouldn’t help you pursue a career. I know you’ll think I’m being arrogant, but I have the influence to help you get whatever you want.”
“What about your parents? I’m sure they couldn’t have been too happy at the idea of you running off with a waitress.”
“They had no say in it. I didn’t even bother telling them.”
She jerked a bit. “You didn’t tell them?”
“Nope. Only Danny and Bri knew.” I waited for her to respond but she didn’t. “Why do I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me?”
This time she flinched and stepped away from me. “I think your ego just can’t handle a woman saying no.”
I shook my head. “I think you want me to be the jerk here because you don’t want to accept the truth.”
“What truth?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. That’s what I’m trying to find out.”
She let out an exasperated breath and rushed out of the kitchen back to the sunporch. She was shoving her folders and papers back into her bag when I reached her.
“It’s not my ego,” I said as I watched her. “At least not five years ago. Five years ago, it was my heart, Serena.”
She stopped what she was doing, but didn’t look at me. “Devin…we were young and foolish.”
“Maybe. But I was in love too. Was I alone in that?” I really was a glutton for punishment. Did I really want this woman to tell me she hadn’t loved me? That I really was a fool to fall for her five years ago?
“That was a long time ago. Things are different now.”
Angry that she couldn’t give me a straight answer, I moved to her. I took her arms and turned her to look at me.
“That’s not what I asked. I get that you’ve moved on, but I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me how you felt five years ago. Did you care for me at all or was I really just the guy who took your v-card?”
She stared up at me with a mixture of sadness and defiance.
“Dammit Serena, I need to know the truth. Did you care for me?”
“Yes.”
I wasn’t sure I could believe her. For all I knew, she was just saying that to get me to back off. That was reason enough to let it go. To let her go. Yet, I stood there, looking down into her incredible blue eyes wanting desperately to believe her. I didn’t understand it then and I didn’t understand now how she’d bewitched me.
“I did care for you, Devin. But that doesn’t change anything now.”
“No, I guess it doesn’t.” I released her, feeling like a fool. She was right. We were in the past. What was happening to me now was probably just a desire to recapture the love and fun and freedom I’d felt back then. Even if it could be rekindled, she clearly didn’t want that.
“But just so we’re clear, my parents and my lifestyle had nothing to do with back then or right now. For reasons I don’t understand, I’m attracted to you Serena, but you’re clearly not to me. I’ll respect—”
“I never said that.”
“What? That my parents had no bearing—”
“No, that I’m not attracted to you.”
What the fuck? “If you’re attracted to me, I’d hate to know what it would be like if you didn’t like me because so far, you’ve been clear that you’re not interested.”
“It’s not a matter of being attracted to you. It’s a matter of our lives being different now. I’m not that twenty-one-year-old girl lit up from the inside out that a handsome, rich guy wants to spend time with her. Five years may not be a long time, but it's been long enough for me to grow up and know real life.”
I wondered what shithead had come after me to make her think that real life meant she couldn’t indulge in fun.
“Some people can live in the real world and still enjoy life.”
“Some people can afford it, Devin. I can’t.”
I wondered what the fuck that meant. Of course, it didn’t matter. She’d drawn the line and I couldn’t step over it.
“Okay. If you can resist, so can I.” I started to step back, but her fingers were clutching my shirt.
I looked from her hand to her eyes, where a torrent of emotion swam through them. “You okay?”
She shook her head.
“What’s wrong?” Now concerned, I brought my hands back to her shoulders.
“I don’t want you to resist. I don’t want to resist.”
How I didn’t get whiplash from the full-circle twist on her statement I didn’t know.
“You just said—”
“I know what I said. What I want and what is the right thing to do are two different things.”
“I see.” She wanted me but didn’t want to want me. What I didn’t understand was what to do about it.
“Do you always give up so easily?”
