He gaped at me. “What are talking about? Not good? I came, Tessa. I came pretty hard.”
I wanted to be proud of that, but let’s face it, it didn’t take men much to get hard and have an orgasm. At least, that’s the way Corrine said it was.
“That’s nature. I mean the rest of it. I didn’t do much. I just laid there. I would have done more, but … well, I wasn’t sure what to do.”
“You did just fine.” He shifted, downing the rest of his champagne.
“I didn’t do anything.” I stared at my empty glass, wanting more but wondering if that would be one too many.
“Clearly I didn’t need you to.”
I set my glass on the coffee table. “That’s the only thing I regret. If I could do it over, I’d have done something.”
He was silent for a moment and when he spoke, his voice was husky. “Do you want to do it over?”
I looked at him and thought I saw that same heat of desire in his eyes as I saw that night. As much as I did want to do it again, the events of the last time were still fresh in my mind, even with the haze of champagne. He didn’t love me. And he clearly was wanting to keep the boundaries between us. He was right to do so. To be honest, sometimes it was hard to not to sink into his kiss or believe the touches he gave me in public weren’t real. If we included marital relations, I’d probably lose all perspective.
This marriage needed to look real from the outside for sure. The court needed to believe it, as did everyone in our lives. That part had been hard. My parents were shocked and then hurt that I hadn’t told them I’d been seeing Dylan on a personal level. Corrine and Allison both told me they thought he was just using me to get a mom for Maisie.
“Wives are cheaper than babysitters,” Corrine said.
I wanted to tell them all they were wrong, except they weren’t. I needed to show the world that Dylan and I were in love and happily married, even though we weren’t. Or he wasn’t. I’d fallen for him long ago.
“You don’t have to try so hard,” I said, now wishing I had more champagne to numb my silly, school-girl feelings for him.
“At what?”
“We’re married and I’m going to go through with this. You don’t have to be nice just to make sure I don’t change my mind.”
He frowned. “I’m being nice because I’m nice.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, you are. But sometimes people say nice things they don’t really mean just to be nice.”
He shook his head like he couldn’t quite follow what I’d said. “What have I said that I don’t mean?”
“That I did fine that night we hooked up. That you came hard.”
“I’m not saying that just to be nice. It’s true.”
I looked down, feeling silly. Like I was fishing for compliments.
“Did you like it?” he asked, sounding a little annoyed.
“You know I did.” I felt my cheeks heat in embarrassment.
“How would I know that? It’s harder for men to tell a woman has come than for a woman to know a man has. We make a mess.”
I glared at him. “You know.”
He stared at me with intense eyes that made my breath catch. “I do know. You know how?”
I gave a quick shake of my head as my voice was gone with my breath.
“Because when you came, your tight pussy took me with you, and it was fucking fantastic.” His jaw tensed and he looked away. He grabbed the champagne bottle, emptying it into our two glasses.
“Now you’re mad.”
“I’m not mad. I’m frustrated.” He handed me a glass.
“Why?”
“Because, Tessa, I want to respect you and honor what you’re doing for me, but I also want to fuck you so bad, I might just whip my dick out and masturbate right here.” He downed his glass of champagne.
The shock at his words had me gaping. Maybe it was the champagne. Maybe it was the potent man next to me. Whatever it was, I couldn’t stop from asking, “Can I watch?”
This time his eyes widened in surprise. “You want to watch me jerk off?”
I shook my head.
“I didn’t think—”
“I want you to show me how to jerk you off.”
“Fuck, Tessa.” He gave a frustrated growl.
“I’m sorry, did I—”
He let out a breath. “I’m truly thankful for what you’re doing for me, but—”
He didn’t have to finish for me to realize I’d humiliated myself again. “Never mind. It’s just the booze.”
“You deserve better than me. You deserve more than I can give you, Tessa. It’s important to me that I don’t fuck this up—”
“I know Maisie is important––”
“Not just Maisie, but my friendship with you. I don’t want to hurt you and have you think all men are inaccessible assholes.”
I stood and went to the window, but didn’t see the city lights anymore. All I could see was the reflection of my idiot face.
“I don’t like you assuming what I think or making decisions for me,” I managed to say.
He was quiet and I wondered if he was just going to give up and leave.
“Fine. You want to watch me get off?”
He was messing with me now, which made me feel even more stupid, until I heard his belt buckle clank. I turned, and saw him standing as he undid his pants, dropping them to the floor. His dick sprang out long and hard and so beautiful.
He ran his hand along the length. “You did that, Tessa. Just like you do just about every fucking morning of my life since I met you.” His words were terse, and his hand movement on his dick was jerky.
I remembered how he said he imagined me sucking his
