One of the benefits of owning a gym was the ability to workout whenever I wanted. For me, working out was a way to cope with anger that coursed through my body, wanting to strike out. After a hard three-mile run on a treadmill, I lifted weights and climbed the climbing wall, which always helped me focus and balance.
I felt calmer, but there must have been something in my demeanor, as most my staff avoided me except for my manager, who’d acknowledged my court visit that day in a way that showed he remembered it, but didn’t require me to go into detail about it.
When I got home, I walked into the house to a cheerful Maisie and agreeable Tessa, as usual. In fact, anyone looking at us from the outside would have thought we were a normal family. But I could feel the hurt in Tessa. She tried to hide it with her smile and normal behavior, but I saw the pain in her eyes. I decided I’d apologize when Maisie went to bed, but when I went to find her, she wasn’t in the living room. Had she left?
I found her in bed, on her side facing the wall. I came to sit on the edge of the bed, hoping she wasn’t fast asleep.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
She rolled to her back. “For what?”
She knew for what. She was only acting like it didn’t bother her, because let’s face it, this marriage was supposed to be a farce.
“For what I said earlier. About getting married.”
She shrugged. “You thought this marriage would help your case, and Veronica turned it against you. It’s only natural to question it.”
I wanted to touch her, but didn’t feel like I had the right to. “It’s nothing to do with you.” The minute the words were out, I realized how awful they sounded.
Her jaw tightened and I looked into her eyes to see if I was making her cry.
“I’m so fucking bad at this. You’re great, Tessa. The problem isn’t that it’s you. It’s how it all looks.”
“I understand. We did this to help your case, but if it’s hurting you, we can just end it.”
Hell no, I yelled out in my head. “No. That would look suspicious. We need to carry on like it’s real.”
“Okay. Whatever you need me to do.” She said all the right things, but there wasn’t any effect. It was like she was going through all the motions, but had turned off her feelings.
I stared at her, wondering how such a sweet woman was willing to help me when all I did was cause her pain. “I always seem to hurt you. I don’t want to, Tessa.”
She mustered a smile. “I know. This whole thing is hard on you. Don’t worry about me. This is about Maisie. Focus on her.”
I closed my eyes as guilt and gratitude mixed. Why couldn’t Veronica be more like Tessa? Why couldn’t she put Maisie first? Why couldn’t she compromise?
The next few weeks, our lives were as they had been the first few, except without the sex. That was fine, because while I wanted her so bad it made my eyes cross, I knew that continuing a sexual relationship would only complicated things between us. Tessa was young, and while she said she understood my stance on not loving again, pretending to be a family, sexual interludes included, could blur the lines. I’d hurt her enough. I’d asked for too much. So at night, I stayed on my side of the bed and tried not to feel too bad when she didn’t show up in the shower with me in the morning.
Aside from no sex, everything else was the same. Tessa was wonderful with Maisie. She had her exploring and learning, all the while thinking she was playing and having fun. We weren’t having sex, but we spent a lot of time chatting, and I found her support invaluable. I realized I didn’t regret this marriage, because I needed Tessa by my side to deal with all the crazy emotions I was feeling. She also had the ability to keep my baser, meaner, impulses regarding Veronica in check.
When mediation was scheduled, it was agreed that it would just be me and Veronica, and not our spouses. It was determined that since Veronica and I had been able to work out custody and visitation before, it would be best if it was just the two of us. But the amicable divorced-couple ship had sailed the day Veronica sued for sole custody. And while I liked how Tessa could keep me in check, I was glad she wouldn’t be there, because I didn’t want to curb my base instincts.
“You know I could ruin your reputation,” she said as negotiations fell apart. Neither of us was willing to give in. Had she come to me and asked for more time, I might have allowed it. But now, I wasn’t even willing to consider joint custody, and I definitely wasn’t going to accept anything that didn’t have Maisie living with me full time.
“Oh?” I quirked a brow, wondering how she could possibly think that.
“People know and like me. When they learn you’re keeping my child from me, they’ll vilify you. People will stop going to your gyms. Media will have you as a bad guy here and abroad.”
I felt certain that if she was going to do that, she’d have done it already. But she hadn’t, and I knew why. “Will you preface this gossip story with how you walked out on Maisie when she was two? How you have seen her only a handful of times in those years?”
The tension in Veronica’s face was so tight, it was a wonder it didn’t crack.
I leaned forward. “You want to fight dirty? I’ll give you dirty. I’ll start with how you missed Maisie’s birthday. Something tells me that will tarnish your image. You have much more to lose than I do where reputations
