Tessa stopped what she was doing and looked at me. It was the first time since our fight that her expression showed something other than wariness.
“No, she doesn’t. She likes visiting, but she doesn’t want to move there.”
I scraped my hands over my face. “Did she seem nervous?”
Tessa’s face returned to wary. “Dylan, you were clear that the custody issue was one I needed to stay out of, so I stayed out of it. You should talk to her if you have questions.”
“Are you going to be mad at me forever?” I had no right to be pissed at her attitude, but I suppose because she was there, she was the one who was going to get my surly mood.
She stopped and slowly turned. “What do you want, Dylan? I’m doing my best to give you want you asked; a fake wife to make you look good, without all the emotional entanglements. I’m staying out of your business and babysitting your daughter … and you’re still upset.”
“You’re not a baby—”
“Yes, I am.” She put the chicken on plates, and then pulled another pan out of the oven with roasted potatoes. “You want what you had before except you want people to think we’re a family now. That’s what I’m doing.” She put potatoes on each plate.
“Are you unhappy?” For some reason that bothered me. I hated that I was making her miserable after all she was doing for us.
“Look Daddy!” Maisie came into the kitchen. “It’s a dragon.”
Maisie held up a plaster pink and purple dragon with glitter.
“I painted it. Do you like it?”
I squatted down and studied the figure. “It’s beautiful. You did that?”
She grinned. “Yep. Tessa said we can go back and I can make another one for Mommy’s house, because this one might break if I put it in my suitcase.”
I kept the smile on my face. “That’s a good idea.”
“Maisie, can you put your dragon away? It’s time to eat,” Tessa said.
“Can it eat with us?”
I stood. “He might get in the way.”
“He won’t. He’ll be good.” Maisie clutched the dragon to her, and little bits of glitter sparkled on her shirt.
“Tessa asked you to put him back. He’ll be there when we read stories tonight. I bet he’ll like that.”
Maisie seemed to think on that and then rushed off to put her dragon away. Tessa passed me to put the plates on the table.
When she came back to the kitchen, I reached out and took her arm. “Hey. I appreciate everything you’re doing for me.”
“And Maisie,” she said, looking at my hand on her arm and then up to my face.
I realized then that in her mind, all this was for Maisie, not for me. I was okay with that. Despite how she felt about me, at least she felt I was the better parent for Maisie.
“I like being your friend, Tessa. I miss that. But I’m exactly as I told you before,” I said referring to the first night we had sex on my couch. I saw the starry-eyed woman who wanted a fairy tale. “I’m not a good bet for the long run.”
She nodded. “Yes. You’ve told me many times.”
And there it was again; hurt in her eyes.
I sighed. “I bet you wish you’d never seduced me.”
She looked up at me, and for the first time, I noted how tired and pale she looked. I frowned. “Are you okay? You look—”
“Just tired. It’s been a long day.” She extricated her arm from my hand and finished bringing the food to the table.
The rest of the evening went as the ones before it had; playing with Maisie, my giving her a bath and reading to her in bed, but this time, instead of hiding in my office until Tessa went to bed, I sought her out to talk. I found her in bed. She wasn’t reading as I thought she did, but instead looked like she was sleeping. It seemed too early to sleep, but maybe she and Maisie had a long day.
“Tessa.”
“Hmm?” Sleep filled her voice.
“Nothing. Get some sleep.”
“Night.”
I shut the door and went to my office. I sat at my desk reminding myself that I was getting exactly what I’d asked for. So why was I miserable? Why did my chest ache every time I looked at Tessa?
21
Tessa
Dylan was giving me an emotional whiplash. He’d been clear from the beginning what he wanted; a fake wife. He wanted the court to see a happy family, but in reality, I was still just the babysitter. A nanny. But when I gave him that, he seemed annoyed. Like he wanted something more from me. Granted, we didn’t have long talks anymore, but spending time with him only made my heart yearn for him and since he wasn’t going to reciprocate, it seemed safer to avoid anything that made me love him more than I already did.
Instead, I focused on Maisie. I loved caring for her. My days with her were fulfilling––nearly enough to make up for the sadness of not being able to love Dylan. I’d agreed to play the role, so I couldn’t be upset at him for not wanting more.
Maisie’s weeklong visit wasn’t for two weeks, but she did have a weekend trip this week while Leo was gone. Veronica and her driver picked Maisie up on Friday morning, giving me a rare day to myself. I’d made plans with Allison and Corrine to go out that night, and I planned a lunch with Mrs. Anderson on Saturday, all in an attempt to avoid having to spend time alone with Dylan.
Because I was fatigued a lot lately and noticed that I hadn’t had my period, I decided to take advantage of my free time to see the doctor. I’d never been on the pill before, but I noted that most of what I was feeling—depressed, upset stomach, breast tenderness—was listed as possible side effects. What
