I pulled the sonogram picture from my pocket.
She frowned. “Where is it?”
“This part here is the head,” I said pointing to gray image. “And here are arms and legs.”
“Its head is so big.”
I laughed. “Yes. That’s how they start out. You did, too.”
She laid her head against my shoulder. “I wish Tessa was here.”
“I do too, baby.” As I cradled her head, I realized what I’d just said. I wished Tessa was there. The truth was, she could be here if I had the guts to take the risk.
She kept the baby from you, I reminded myself. Can you blame her? My heart said. You told her you couldn’t love her. You told her to keep out of your business. You told her you never planned to have more kids.
I realized that it made total sense that she’d be afraid to tell me. That didn’t make it right, but it made sense.
I’d have liked to have been a real family with you.
I’d given up on having a family beyond Maisie, but Tessa had offered me a second chance that I used, abused, and then tossed away. And I’d be a fucking idiot if I didn’t at least try to get a third chance.
“Maisie, what do you say we go get Tessa?”
She sat up. “Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“Yay!”
Twenty minutes later, I had her strapped in the car, my guitar in the trunk, and we were heading to Brooklyn. I had about two hours to figure out how to apologize and convince Tessa that we could be a real family, if she still wanted that. My initial thought was to serenade her. I used to hear her hum along as Maisie and I would sing during Maisie’s baths.
We pulled up in front of a brick attached home on a tree-lined street. My heart was beating a million miles a minute.
“Daddy?” Maisie called from the back.
“Yes, baby?”
“Are we getting out?”
I swallowed all the fear that threatened to have me turn the car around. There was only one female in my life who hadn’t broken my heart, and she was in the backseat, ready, willing, and able to let Tessa be a part of our family.
“Yep.” I got out of the car and helped her to the curb. Then I got my guitar. “Shall we serenade her?”
“What’s that?”
“Sing her a song that tells her how much we love her?”
“Yay!” Maisie jumped up and down, clapping her hands. “What do we sing, Daddy?”
Good question. I scanned my head for apology songs. I thought of Nirvana’s All Apologies. I’d read once that it was about suicide, which wasn’t the best message. Besides, Maisie didn’t know that one, and if I was going to do this, I needed to include Maisie.
Finally, I remembered Hello by Adele. That one was about apologizing years later, but it would do.
“How about the Hello song by Adele.”
She made a face. “I want to do the lovey song.”
Love Song. That was a better choice. Maisie was turning out to be a great wingman. “Love Song it is.” I put my guitar strap over my shoulder, and dropped to one knee so I was at Maisie’s level. I started strumming.
“She’s not here,” Maisie said putting her hand over the strings.
“We sing to get her to come out.”
“Really?” She laughed but shrugged, and appeared willing to go along with this game.
I strummed again, and nodded to Maisie to start the first lines that talked about feeling home again.
We were a few lines in when the door opened and Tessa’s mother peered out. She looked confused and then smirked.
“Tessa, it’s for you.”
She smiled, but waggled a finger at me like a warning to not fuck up with her daughter again. I wondered how much she knew about our marriage. Did she know about the baby?
Those questions disappeared as Tessa appeared in the doorway.
“There she is, Daddy, it worked,” Maisie said. “We’re s’narade you, Tessa.”
Tessa bit her lip, like she wasn’t sure what to make of us. I kept playing and singing until the end, finishing with the words that I’d always love her.
A tear ran down her cheek.
When I finished I stood up. “Maisie and I are here to take you home. If you’ll have us … as your family.”
She sniffed, but wasn’t rushing to us as I hoped she might. Why would she? I hadn’t groveled. I hadn’t even apologized.
“I’m sorry, Tessa. I was an ass—” Remembering Maisie was with me, I stopped. “I was afraid and a jerk to a woman who did nothing but love me and my child.”
“Come home with us, Tessa. Pahleeese?” Maisie clasped her hands over her heart in a begging gesture.
“Yes, Tessa. Pahleese.”
She walked down the steps, her gaze darting to either side of me. It was only then that I realized we had an audience of a few of her neighbors.
When she reached us, Maisie wrapped her arms around her legs. “Stay with us.”
Tessa smiled down on her, resting her hand on her head. She looked up at me. “Do you forgive me?”
“Yes. I don’t like that you kept the baby from me, but I understand it. I know my part in it, and I’m going to do my damnedest to be open and honest with you so you don’t have to feel you need to keep things from me.”
“You said you didn’t want—”
“I was wrong. I did want a family; I was just afraid. Truthfully, until you, Tessa, I didn’t believe I could have it. Now I want to be a real family with you and me and Maisie and the baby.”
“You have a baby in your tummy,” Maisie said. “I saw the picture.”
Tessa looked down at her. “You did?”
“I showed her her brother or sister,” I said, wishing she’d give me a solid yes or no. A yes, preferably. “So, will you come home with us?”
She smiled at Maisie and then at me. “Yes.”
Epilogue
Tessa––One Year Later
One year ago, I stood on the back deck and looked toward Dylan standing under
