None of that mattered anymore. He was out here. Several hours’ ride deep into pristine forestland. Only one law existed here and the Goddess was not hesitant about punishing those who dared to test its boundaries.
Darshan gave a contented sigh as he snuggled against him. Even bundled in his multitude of layers, a faint chill radiated off his hands. “Is it not dangerous to sleep so close to a bear cave?”
“It isnae that close.” It would take a few hours marching through the forest on foot to get there as it was. He had considered camping closer still, but he’d a feeling Darshan would’ve baulked at such a suggestion. “Besides, tracking her will be easier with fresher marks.”
His lover gave a thoughtful hum. Darshan had been making that sound so often over the past afternoon that Hamish didn’t need any light to know the man’s lips were pressed into a thin line. There’d be a slight twitch to the tip of his nose, too, which would’ve shuddered all the way to his glasses had Darshan still been wearing them.
Hamish braced himself for another of his lover’s attempts to tease out the truth of what gnawed at him. No matter what happened, he didn’t want what he had left behind them to mar this moment of stillness. Of just… being.
“It seems to me that you are far more at ease out in the wilderness than in the castle. Do you venture out here often?”
“Whenever I can.” Everything seemed simpler. No impending union contest. No inevitable wedding. No one to make him feel guilty for his actions. Just him and his lover. “Although, they dinnae usually permit me to travel without a guard.”
“What luck smiled upon us this time?”
Nothing. Any luck he might’ve possessed was just a cheap magical trick. Darshan had proven that. He had earned none of the accolades he’d been given.
“Me brother.” No point in telling the man otherwise. Once Gordon got wind that he’d left with Darshan in tow, he would ensure his mother’s guards didn’t follow. “He convinced me mum’s lackeys that our little hunting trip would be better served if they weren’t crashing through the undergrowth alongside us.” The lie wasn’t his best, but certainly better than the truth that they might be tracked later.
“He is a curious man. Is he your comrade?”
“Me what?”
The cheek Darshan had laid on Hamish’s bicep twitched. “I am unsure if you have a word for it. He helps you in your conquests. You… select what you deem as a suitable target and your comrade then basically assists in getting you laid via several means.”
Hamish blinked. “You’re right, I dinnae believe we have a word for that.” Could he class Gordon as such? His brother certainly had some idea of what Hamish got up to during those distant times he’d spent in the dockside pubs. Did he assist more than keeping the guards away? “I dinnae think so.” He couldn’t imagine Gordon picking out anyone, not when his brother knew the fate of those caught with Hamish… Treason. Not a crime many came back from.
Just another reason to take the path he had chosen. How would the Goddess judge him for all the death he had caused?
“Truly? Well, I must confess I am not entirely certain what to make of him. He is the heir, is he not? Should he not be on your mother’s side? Not that I am complaining. It is merely nice to know our allies.”
“Gordon’s on his own side.” Always was. That his brother had decided his siblings were also part of that side was a blessing. “He’s been at loggerheads with our mum ever since she forced the nearby cloister to disband.” He was pretty sure that was due to there being an echo of his brother’s older, deceased, daughter in Caitlyn’s mannerisms.
Would his brother have had the same outlook on things had that man-killing mountain of a bear not taken his wife and eldest child? Would his mother care what Hamish did with his life had she not lost several of her grandchildren? Or would he always have been faced with her disgust over his lack of conforming to the path she had chosen for him?
No matter how much he tried, his mind wouldn’t still. Never mind that the countless maybes and possibilities would all become inconsequential soon enough. Over and over, he had voiced his objection to the route he’d been forced down and if that wasn’t enough for her to see what she was doing to him, then maybe tomorrow would finally get through. Enough to not set his nephew on the same path, at least.
Goddess, look over him. He wished he could’ve been a better example to Ethan, but this was their lot in life.
Darshan wriggled further up Hamish’s side. “You have gone very quiet,” he whispered. “Are you asleep?”
“Nae,” he murmured. Sleep would not claim him tonight. Of that, he was certain. “Just thinking.” His thoughts drifted to the dim memory of a conversation they’d had some weeks back. “You never did that vibrating hand trick, you ken.”
“You did not ask for it.”
He was correct there. Although, the matter of when had been a tricky one. Especially when they were on the road at first light through much of their journey. Hamish would often be asleep by the time Darshan was anywhere in proximity and likewise with the spellster. “There’s always now.” When else would he ever get the chance to experience being with someone he wanted as much as he did Darshan?
“Out in the wild? With the animals watching? I will pass on that.”
“I’m nae suggesting
