Died. His brother had tried to shield him from the truth, but he had learnt it years ago. He’d been like a plague amongst the sailors and ruffians who’d dared to accept his offer of a fun time. His mother had given the order, but he had delivered their death sentences.
“ ‘Mish?” Darshan peered up at him, that hazel gaze brimming with concern. “Are you—” His hand fell on Hamish’s forearm. The warm buzz of the man’s healing magic raced through Hamish and Darshan’s worry seemed to shift. “Did I misspeak? Do you not use that phrase in Tirglas?”
“Nae like that,” he whispered. Never had he heard any such words uttered with so much rawness or warmth. “But if it means what I think it does. That—”
“I love you?” Darshan suggested, the words coming easily. “That phrase is used back home as well, but for family. Whilst I would not shirk from having you join mine, what I feel for you is not the same love shared between brothers. If it makes you feel more comfortable I can—”
“Nae. I…” Hamish froze. “You actually love me?”
Darshan’s gaze lifted. A hint of smugness curved the corners of his mouth for a moment before melting into a softer smile. “Did you think I was competing for your hand out of altruism? And why would I not love you? You are everything I have ever wanted in a husband, and I did not even realise I wanted to marry until I met you.”
Hamish shook his head, trying to latch onto the words that escaped him. “How could you?” he whispered. “You’ve seen all that is happening, all that I’ve been put through, how could you possibly think this was a good time to tell me?”
Confusion clouded Darshan’s eyes and wrinkled his brow. “This is the first time we have spoken to each other since we returned to the castle. When else could I have told you? Before I realised? Mea lux, I—”
“You said those words mean my light. You called me that the day after we had sex and every day onwards. Did you nae mean it then?”
“It is a form of affection and I meant it as such. I was perhaps unaware as to the depths that fondness ran at first, but my lack of awareness is no longer true. I am uncertain I could feel this way with another man and I am most unwilling to find out.” Darshan grasped his hands, clinging so tight that the ring the man had bought him dug into Hamish’s skin. “ ‘Mish. I have said before that you are a good man, but I do not think you comprehend how rare a thing that is to find in the Crystal Court. Maybe it is a little selfish of me. I have been trying to go slow but—”
Hamish couldn’t help the snicker that shook his body. “This is you going slow? By entering in the union contest?”
Darshan inclined his head, but not before Hamish caught a fond smile creasing the man’s eyes. “It would seem I am not very good at it. The fact of the matter is… I messed up. I want to make it right.”
“And trying to win me hand within a month of meeting me is going to do that?”
“I understand it likely seems like a leap to you, but when I saw that bear over you, the damage it had done…” He fell back to attempting to twist the still-absent ring on his little finger. “Every time I close my eyes, I see it. You lying there, bleeding with barely a breath to be had and even less of a pulse.”
Shuddering, Hamish staggered back from the man. He squeezed his eyes shut. Never would he have thought that—
The bear’s drooling maw filled the darkness in his mind. The smell of rancid meat invaded his nose. He could even sense the heat of its breath blasting across his face, freezing every muscle in his body.
He opened his eyes, but the image remained, drifting like fog over the real world.
“ ‘Mish?” Darshan took a few steps closer, his arm outstretched. Shock and concern battled for control over his expression, seemingly ageing him.
Hamish waved him back, relieved when Darshan halted in the middle of the tent. “I’ll be fine,” he managed, his voice tightening on the last word. He just needed time. Somewhere he could feel safe.
He shook his head, desperately trying to clear the scene from the forefront of his thoughts. It worked to some extent, although it left room for other concerns to make themselves known.
Could he do this? Stand idly by as another attempted to win his freedom for him? “Do you have any idea what’ll happen if you win and finally reveal yourself?” His mother might be able to brush aside Darshan’s attempt if he lost, but a win? Where she would have to accept a man marrying her son or stand before the clans and choose to ignore the contest’s outcome?
“Will it matter when I have heeded the rules?”
“That’s a load of bollocks, right there. Men dinnae compete against women.” Not in any record he knew of. And he knew them all. “Me brother should’ve told you that.”
Darshan scoffed. “Your brother thought it was fine and I am rather inclined to believe his lack of concern. Have you seen some of them? Up close as I have? Half of them are this tall.” He waved his hand high above his head. “Some could likely pop a man’s head clean off his neck with a flex of their arms no trouble. And I am certain there are a handful of others who could squeeze the brain from the skull with a twitch of their thighs.”
The man could only be talking about those from the eastern clans, where riding through the mountains whilst herding their stock was a day’s outing for them. The current rumour was they did much of their riding bareback.
Darshan shook
