Hamish leant on the parapet. “I see,” he murmured, causing Darshan to raise his brows. Was he truly so transparent? The man cleared his throat. “They say nothing specifically on the subject. At least, nae that I’m aware of. Most of the sermons are about the usual things, of how her strength can be found in birth, creation and the harvest.”
Sounds familiar. A few deities—amongst the several dozen the Udynean citizens worshipped—were associated with various stages of growth and vegetation, with the oldest and most widely accepted being the High Mother. But making such comparisons blindly could very well lead him to the wrong assumption. “Who taught you about sex, if I may ask?”
Hamish sighed. “That would’ve been me dad. And before you ask if he was aware I’d nae interest in women…”
“He was?” An easy assumption to make. Someone eventually had to be the first to become aware of Hamish’s lack of desire in pursuing women.
He nodded.
“Did he ever—?”
“—tell me it was wrong?” Hamish finished, shaking his head. “He’s never said such in those words. But then, me dad’s always been more puzzled than against it like me mum.” He shuffled his weight and scratched at his jaw, his fingers all but disappearing into his beard. “I ken what you’re looking for. There isnae some rule written down saying men cannae be with each other, it’s just… you pick up what’s considered acceptable behaviour and… that’s nae part of it.”
Darshan swallowed, his throat far tighter than it should’ve been. He could’ve handled a rule. They came with ambiguous clauses that enabled people with the right knowhow a way to ignore the law without technically disobeying. That’s how things happened in the Udynea Empire. His father, and the senate he oversaw, had slews of legal scholars at their command, their task always to be one step ahead of those seeking to skirt the law.
“I ken there are other men living normal lives out there who have nae interest in being with a woman,” Hamish continued, staring vacantly out at the city. “The priesthood is pretty unilateral on whom they frown upon and they tend to focus on any couples without children regardless of whether they are two men, two women or nae. They make it clear that two men alone cannae create anything, but they’re nae demonised any more than any other childless couple.”
Darshan sucked on his teeth. Already, he could see a few flaws in that statement. No more than. That didn’t exactly mean they weren’t. “One would be hard-pressed to deduce I was not some sort of rock pool slime based on your mother’s reaction.”
Hamish nodded, his gaze lowering further. “That’s because me mum adheres to the ancient scriptures, which say—”
Darshan sneered. “Now there is a phrase that could not make me shudder any further if it tried.” The imperial library boasted hundreds of ancient texts. Not only of when Udynea had yet to become the empire it now was, but from the fallen Domian Empire and other lands few even remembered the names of. They had rather polar outlooks on how a person’s life should be lived.
Hamish leant further over the parapet, his head hanging well out from the edge. How he was able to do so knowing the drop should he misjudge his balance was beyond Darshan’s comprehension. “Plainly put, me mum’s aversion is largely due to the fact it willnae produce children. If it did…”
That sounded far more familiar than Darshan would’ve liked. “It always boils down to children and heirs, does it not?” Everyone seemed so unreservedly obsessed with the idea. Even his own father had trouble understanding Darshan’s utter disinterest in siring another chain in the imperial bloodline.
Hamish’s head cocked to one side, but his attention seemed rooted to the world far below them. “By your tone, it sounds like you’ve nae interest in becoming a father.”
“That is because I—” His tongue froze. Once, he would’ve been certain of the answer; a most empathetic no. But that’d been when there’d been only one way to make children. There’d been whispers in the Crystal Court as of late, rumours coming from Niholia of other means. “—do not know,” he finally managed.
Hamish lifted his head to frown over his shoulder at Darshan. “Oh?”
“Do not get me wrong. I have met some absolutely charming women, but they just… fail to spark something in me.” That included Rashmika, a dear young lady who he had once considered living a lie for; an idea that had come from a place of pity for a friend rather than any desire to sleep with her.
They’d first met when he was but six years old. Although she had spent much of her early teenage years being groomed to become his twin’s handmaiden, they’d grown close with time and she had been one of the first he had informed of his desire for men. With her noble bloodline, she was also strong enough to be considered worthy as a future imperial bride by the senate. His father had made numerous rumbles about Darshan marrying her.
Ultimately, it wouldn’t have been fair to either of them and she was far happier with her current husband than she ever could’ve been with himself. He was content knowing he’d helped her find a man worthy of her gentle nature in a distant cousin of his. “But then I have also met brutes of men who elicited a similar reaction.” Including Rashmika’s father, who used to take great delight in beating his daughter.
The wretched man didn’t do anything now. Darshan had made certain of that, his wedding gift to the happy couple.
Hamish nodded. No doubt he had met his own fair share of men not worthy of his time. “To be honest, if I didnae have to lay with a woman, I’d nae mind the father part. I adore me wee niece and nephews. And, sure, I have thought about adding a child or two to the clan. Except…”
“And therein lies the rub, yes?”
