“Because it sounds ridiculous. One look and I’m suddenly enamored?” Her smile is wry. “I told you we met in high school.”
“You said he invited you to a game.”
“He did. He was waiting outside the door for me when class ended. He walked with me to lunch, sat with my friends, ate half my French fries and had all of us laughing. Asked me if I’d come to the game that afternoon.”
“And he hit three home runs.”
She nods. “I was his blue Gatorade. He had to have me at every game after that or else he didn’t feel right. It was heady at first. Made me feel important and…necessary. I mistook that for love.”
I rub my toe at a spot of juice on the floor. “He never loved either one of us, did he?”
She’s quiet for a long moment. “Not the way we deserved. His heart was already too full of other things.”
She doesn’t need to say baseball.
It’s nothing I don’t already know, and it only stings a little. Barely a nick on the toughened outer wall of my heart.
“You’ll do better than I did,” she says. “You’ll find a soul mate worthy of you.”
I know I’m supposed to want a soul mate—the one guy I can’t live without. But I don’t want that. I don’t ever want to love someone that much. I want a guy who can’t live without me. Someone who loves me best.
I down the juice and set the glass in the sink. “I’d better go.”
Her nod is filled with all the other things she knows I don’t want to hear right now. “We’ll do prep around five p.m. today. That work for you?”
“Sure.” Mondays we look at the week’s schedule and put together sampler gift bags. I sling my pack over my shoulder. “I’ll be home.”
“Can we go over the website?” she adds. “I’d love to see where we’re at.”
I manage to meet her gaze for one long second. “Definitely.” When the door closes behind me, I allow my face to fall. Where we are is a very basic template because I can’t figure out how to add the features we need. I rub my stomach. Guilt is not a good mixer with orange juice. I really need to find someone to help. On the way to meet Mai, I work out a plan to visit the computer lab.
Mai is in her usual spot, but sipping from a travel mug.
“What is that?” I ask.
“Coffee.”
“You’re drinking coffee now?”
“I was up late doing the work I should have done while we were at Jason’s house.”
“You sound happy about it.”
“I am. I feel so normal. Staying up to do homework.”
It’s a sudden relief to stop worrying about my problems and shift focus to Mai.
We head toward school, moving slowly, since Mai hasn’t quite mastered drinking and walking. “I’m not sure how to say what I’m thinking,” I begin. “I don’t want to sound insensitive.”
“Since when?”
She gives me a smile, and I have to laugh. I can be pretty blunt, but so can Mai. It’s one of the things I love about our friendship. We call each other out on our bullshit, even if it can seem harsh. It gives me the courage to say what I’m thinking. “Are you serious about Anthony?”
She sips from her mug. “I’m serious about climate change. About shrinking polar ice caps and pollution in our waterways. I’m not serious about Anthony Adams.”
“Then what were you doing with your feet on his lap?”
“Trying to feel his package.”
I stumble as we hit the curb that marks the beginning of school property. The two-story brick building casts a cool shadow across the walkway. A row of droopy palm trees lines the path leading us toward the entrance and a glowing sign announcing HOME OF THE CHOLLA WILDCATS.
“I’m teasing,” she says. “We were talking. He’s funny.” A small smile plays around her mouth. I wonder if she even knows it. “And he’s nice.” She pauses and adds in a quieter voice, “I like him.”
“But he’s so different from you. What’s he going to do after graduation?”
“He’s not sure. He says that’s what your twenties are for.”
“He needs a whole decade?”
“It’s a harmless crush, Josie. I know it can never be more than that. My parents would disown me if I brought home anyone less than a Rhodes scholar. Anthony is a little fun before I graduate from high school. If I don’t do it now, what stories will I tell my test tube babies when they grow up?”
“Test tube babies?”
“I’m never going to have sex. I don’t see how I’ll have time.” She sips again and makes a face. “How do people drink this stuff on a daily basis?” She stops to dump the rest in a pile of gravel. “What about Garrett?” she asks.
“What about him?”
“Have you felt up his package?”
“I’m sure it’s small in comparison to his ego.”
After that, there’s no time for conversation because we’ve joined the masses who are in the process of unloading from the buses. This part of the walk always makes me feel like a salmon flowing upstream. Mai feels it, too, I know, and our thoughts shift into school mode.
There’s a lot of pressure when you’re special like Mai. Sometimes I’m jealous because she’s going to do something that matters and I’m going to be selling skin care. But mostly I’m proud of her. I want her to have fun, but I don’t want her to jeopardize her future over a fling.
“Killer!”
Speak of the devil.
Mai turns, and in an instant, the school pressure is gone, shaken off with one flick of her hair. Anthony isn’t as tall as Garrett, his build more on the stocky side, but he walks with that same confident swagger. His brown hair is wavy and long enough to reach the frayed collar of his tee. His chin is up as if he wants to look down on the world, but his dark caramel eyes are warm enough to rival the sun as
