“I’m glad you could come tonight,” he says.
“I am, too.” Bryan is the exact right guy for me. Thoughtful. Kind. He’s got a good sense of humor and he loves the same things I do.
My throat tightens.
And he isn’t the guy I’m wishing was sitting across from me.
The vultures are back, swarming my stomach, my chest, my head. I hate myself right now. I don’t want it to be Garrett. I want it to be Bryan. But there’s no room inside me for him. Not with Garrett taking up all the space.
I pull my hands back.
Bryan watches until my hands have disappeared into my lap. “So you had a good time, but…?”
“But…it’s complicated.”
He pulls back his hands. “I don’t really do complicated.”
“I never used to, either.”
“It’s okay. That’s how it goes sometimes.” He stands. “Come on. I’ll walk you to your truck.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
When I park in the garage and turn off the car, my phone buzzes with a text.
And another.
And another.
And another.
It gets set to silent while I’m driving, so multiple texts aren’t that unusual, but I’m immediately worried something’s happened with Mai and Anthony. I free the phone from my purse. My breath catches.
Garrett.
Can we talk?
Text when you’re home.
Are you home?
Can I come over?
Five minutes between the first two texts. Then three. Then two. As if he couldn’t wait. I press a hand to my chest where my heart is racing. Stupid heart. Nothing has changed. Garrett hasn’t changed.
I type: Yes I’m home. No you can’t come over.
My thumb hovers over the send button.
What does he want to talk about? Why does he want to come over? What if he’s been thinking about me the way I’ve been thinking about him?
The truck’s headlights flick off, and it’s suddenly pitch black. My heart goes from racing to pounding. My thumb wobbles. Shifts. Deletes.
ME: Yes I’m home. Thought we already said everything.
GARRETT: There in 5
I drop my cell as if it’s the phone’s fault, then sink lower in the seat. So, so stupid, Josie. But my mind is already whirring ahead to what he’ll say. Maybe he wants to clear the air? Stop fighting? Maybe he’s felt the strain, too, and he wants to be friends again. Maybe he’ll say, I miss you, Josie. I like you, Josie. Or…oh God. Maybe he’s coming over to end the whole broadcasting experiment. Call it a failure and get Nathan back. It’s not working, Josie. Sorry, Josie. And if he does that, then fine. I’ll listen. I totally agree, Garrett. Or—no, I’ll pretend not to even know what he’s talking about. Like I haven’t noticed. Like—
A car door slams.
Shit.
I step out of the truck as he gets out of his car. We meet on my driveway with plenty of space between us. He’s completely still, and yet I can feel the thrum of him…the thrum in myself because he’s near.
Why him? Why is it him who makes me feel like this?
His face is in shadows, his hair dark gold in the porch light. I don’t want him here, and yet there’s no one I’d rather be with.
I try to read his expression, prepare myself for what’s coming. He looks as tense as I feel.
“So he didn’t drive you home,” he says.
My mouth opens, surprise filling my lungs and silencing my voice. He sounds upset. Jealous.
“Did you have a good time? With Bryan.” He’s in front of me, his shape blocking the light, casting us both in darkness. There’s something sharp beneath the words. Something close to breaking. “Did he kiss you? Did you let him kiss you?”
“Garrett.” His name is a plea, but I don’t know what for. I’m balancing on a high wire and on either side of me is a long fall. Do I want him to leave and end this before it can start? Or do I never want him to leave? Either way, I pay a price.
“Did you?”
My throat tightens with indecision.
“Did you?” He reaches for one of my hands and rubs his thumb over my knuckles. “Did you?”
I close my eyes against the dizzy rush of blood ignited by his words. His touch. “No,” I say.
His breath gusts out as if he’d been holding it. He widens his stance and pulls me closer, or maybe I step closer. I’m like all the other girls pressed against Garrett Reeves. I’m exactly where I said I would never be.
“What does it matter, Garrett? If I did or I didn’t? Nothing’s changed.”
“I know what I said at my house.” His cheek is warm against mine as he bends his head to whisper in my ear. “But I was a fucking idiot. I should have kissed you. It should be me kissing you, not that asshole.” His hands skim up my arms to my shoulders and then into the loose waves of my hair. “You shouldn’t be going out with him, Josie. You should be going out with me.”
I want to shake my head, but I’m caught in his hands. In the pull of everything I don’t want to feel for him and can’t help.
“You’re still chasing baseball, Garrett.”
“And I’ll never catch up. My arm is a mess. Plan E is a joke.”
I pull back until there’s space between us again. It’s easier to think when he isn’t touching me. When I don’t want to be touching him. “Then you’ll come up with Plan F. There will always be another plan.”
His eyes close for a second, and when they open, I can see exhaustion in their depths. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’ve got one more month paid with Kyle Masters, and I’m going to try whatever I can. That’s just who I am. What I need to do. But after that? I don’t know where I’m going to end up. If I’ll have to go to Dallas, if I can make this broadcast thing work. I don’t know
