I’m trying to be cool with it. The girl traffic around his locker has stopped, which is great, but it doesn’t change the fact that they come from different worlds and they’re headed in opposite directions. I think his friends are just as confused by it as I am.
“You and Garrett have been lighting it up this week,” Cooper says now.
We have been, but I try to look humble.
He scrapes the last bit of cheese off a paper tray. “G said it’s getting serious with you two.”
My heart clenches mid-beat. “It is not.”
His smile hooks up on one side. “Broadcasting, I mean.”
“Oh. Well.” I swallow my embarrassment and attempt to form a complete sentence. “We’re playing around with the idea.” I haven’t said anything to my mom. I still can’t bring myself to do it. Mai has agreed to support me in my plan of denial and lying.
“Josie is weighing her many options,” Mai says, making it sound oh-so-impressive.
“Does she weigh herself naked?” Tucker asks.
I throw one of Mai’s veggie sticks.
“Hey, not a potato one,” Anthony says.
That gets the table laughing—including me. I like these guys more and more. Too much, maybe, because now I’m nervous at every game. I want them to make it to State. I want them to win. They don’t talk about it a lot, but I know how important it is. Especially the seniors who aren’t going to keep playing. Like Tucker and Anthony. They want to leave Cholla with a State trophy and enough memories to last for whatever comes next. I hope they get it. They have a shot if they can keep the bats hot.
The guys gather their trash and there’s some talk about Fridays and lockers and laundry. Please tell me they wash their gym clothes more than once a week? On the other hand, I don’t want to know.
They get up to leave and that reminds Avi and Jasmine about some notes they were going to exchange. It’s suddenly Mai and me as the table clears.
“Later,” Anthony says, and gives Mai a slow smile that raises the temperature of the entire cafeteria.
“That was hot,” I say when he’s out of earshot.
“He’s very hot.”
“Maya Senn!”
“Stop worrying.”
“I can’t help it. How far have things gone with you two?”
“Just kissing. Lots of kissing.”
“Really?” I bite my lip. “You know I like Anthony. But is he really boyfriend material for you?”
“No,” she says. “But I’m not looking for a boyfriend. I just wanted to have some fun.” She lets out a long exhale. “But it’s getting…complicated. I have to break it off.”
Before I can press her for more, my phone vibrates with an incoming text. I pull it from my back pocket and see Garrett’s name on the screen. I tilt it so Mai can see. “He shouldn’t have his phone in class.” I click open the text.
GARRETT: Meet you by the math wing for kissing and groping?
“Aww,” Mai says. “That’s sweet.”
ME: Get your mind out of the gutter.
GARRETT: I’ve tried. Can’t.
ME: I’m wearing my sandals.
GARRETT: That worked.
I laugh out loud as I slide my phone away.
“You can thank me now.”
“For what?”
“For getting you to the baseball game that first day.”
“Uh-huh,” I say. “And what happens when the whole thing goes to shit?”
“Who says that it will?”
“He’s still working every Saturday with Kyle Masters.”
“Because the lessons are paid for. He’s going through the motions.”
“But he’s still going through them.” I like him so much and the uncertainty scares me. I can see us together. I can see us broadcasting games, working together. I can see a future I want more clearly every day we’re together.
And I can see myself standing with a packed suitcase while he walks away.
The warning bell begins to ring. As we gather our stuff, I hope to hell it isn’t a sign.
Chapter Thirty-Three
“I think we should have a party for you.”
Lianne says this as we’re putting away the art supplies. Her voice is hushed, but I still look over at the kids who are arranging themselves in our final circle. They have supersonic hearing when it comes to the word “party.”
It’s Saturday morning, and the room feels like summer with a big vase of freshly picked flowers that Brandi brought in. It’s two weeks into April and wildflower season. Though I love when the desert blooms, I hate how fast the days are flying by.
“I’ll do everything,” Lianne is saying. Her voice is a little hesitant—her eyes hopeful. She’s just so nice. She’s always here early and asking how can she help. I shouldn’t be surprised by the idea of a party, and it would be fun for the kids, but for me?
“I’m not big on goodbyes,” I say.
“But it’s not really a goodbye. It’s more of a good luck party.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard that before.”
After pre-school.
Midway through first grade.
The semester break in third grade.
The worst was fifth grade. Mrs. Cline threw a party with red velvet cupcakes. Everyone made a card, and I could barely hold back tears. But the awful part was the end of the day because when everyone was ready to go home, they stopped being sad. They started talking about the next day. I couldn’t join in because the next day I wouldn’t be there. It was the first time I understood that they would forget me before I forgot them. It made me wonder why I’d bothered making friends at all.
Lianne is still looking at me hopefully. “It’ll be a nice way for the kids to make
