‘You see in their faces, their mannerisms and words, that it is no longer simply about scoring school points. One day could change their entire mindset, open up their world so much more. They grow up in those few hours, like you would never have thought possible. Some of them keep coming back, later, even when there are no more points to earn.’
The 4th Step
It was a surprise to me when Fauziah said that the school personnel were always a little busier when volunteers came in.
‘I would have thought the opposite. What happens?’ I asked.
‘Well, we have to delegate teachers and staff to oversee them, on top of our regular schedule, so we can be stretched pretty thin,’ she said. ‘But in the end, as you see, it is all worth it.’
The drop of water that starts the ripple, I thought. And we are all waiting to see how far and wide the ripples spread across the pond.
‘We also have corporate people coming in to volunteer for our events, like Sports Day or Children’s Day,’ added Fauziah. ‘Sometimes they offer to organise events for us, with gifts and vouchers for the children to take home.’
‘That sounds superb!’ I declared.
‘It is,’ she agreed. ‘Of course, we have so many things to see to, and there is not enough done still. But we cannot deny that there have been improvements over time. Things were very different in, say, 1984 or 1985.’
For a long time, she said, the schools were the ones seeking people out, trying to get help. Now, staff from MediaCorp, Standard Chartered, Civil Aviation Authority of Singapore and many others are offering sponsorships and getting involved in the activities.
‘Being able to have camps and things for the children help a lot. It is especially useful during the holidays, you see, when the children have nothing else to do,’ she explained. ‘It can sometimes be difficult for their parents. So we stack these events up, one after another, a whole series of things the children can participate in. Then the holidays fly by quite quickly.’
It is sad that some parents might not want their children home for the school holidays, but it might be something that cannot be helped.
‘I realise some parents may not be able to cope with a special child twenty-four hours a day,’ said I. ‘It takes a lot of time and energy and attention.’
‘I suppose we must look at the circumstances,’ said she. ‘Parents still have to go to work. Others may simply not be able to manage emotionally.’
One or two parents even send their children off for the holidays with their domestic helpers. They allow the helpers to return home for the month. This is because the helpers are more able to care for the children. These parents pay for everything and the children fly off with the helpers to Indonesia, or the Philippines and such.
The 5th Step
‘So, what would you recommend for parents who find it difficult to accept their child with autism or other special needs?’ I asked.
‘This is always a tricky question,’ said she. ‘Of course, we have our social workers and counsellors, but it is still a long journey. They have to decide for themselves that they want to take it.’
‘Some are in denial,’ I pointed out. ‘They cannot believe that their child is different.’
‘It is difficult if they are closed up,’ said Fauziah. ‘They experience many emotions. We try to help them reach the acceptance stage. This is a point where they feel encouraged and determined, and decide that they are going to walk the road with their child, to do everything in their power to make things better for their child.’
I asked her if all of them reach that stage eventually.
Fauziah shook her head. ‘Some do not reach it at all. And you see, the question that comes up is always “Why me? Why my child?” But the way I see it is, “Why not?” It is something that could happen to anyone.’
She knows of a couple who were both special education teachers, and who have a child with Down’s Syndrome.
‘Special Education teachers, for instance, never think it will happen to us, simply because we work in the field. We take it for granted, for some reason,’ she mused. ‘But it does happen, and then the thing to do is accept it and move on.’
When someone cannot move, they cannot improve, said the educator. When parents deny who their children are, it is difficult for teachers or anyone else to talk to them. Communication concerning the child gets disjointed.
And when the grown-ups are uncertain, the child’s progress goes that much slower. There are also some parents who may think they have accepted their child but still push him or her beyond their capabilities, without realising it.
‘What is distressing is the profit-making centres out there, which tell these parents everything they want to hear, simply to make money,’ Fauziah said.
What happens is then these centres manage the children the way the parents think the children should be managed. This can be very different to what the students actually need. These children then regress in their development and skills.
‘Because they get stressed?’ I queried.
‘Yes,’ said she, with a nod. ‘The grown-ups put great amounts of pressure on the children. It does more harm than good. When the children are unable to cope with that pressure, they go back into their shells.’
‘Then, what about parents who truly accept their child’s condition?’ I inquired. ‘Let’s say a new parent with a child with special needs wants advice and aid. However there is still not enough being done to provide for special education needs.’
I asked her what she would like to see happen, or be made available in the sphere
