“What are you planning to do?” I ask.
“I want to see what we’re up against.”
“You can’t fight them alone,” I say. “It’s too dangerous.”
“I won’t get in a fight with them.”
“You should come with us,” I urge. “We’ll get more people and come back. You can’t do this alone.”
She shakes her head. “They could be on the move. We need to know how many there are before we can do anything. It’s easier to find out if I’m alone.”
“It’s way too dangerous. You can’t rescue Tela by yourself.”
“I won’t try to rescue her,” she says. “I know how to stay hidden in the Barrens better than anyone else. The more of us there are, the easier it is to be seen. We need to know what they’re doing and how many there are before we can make a plan.”
I turn my face away for a moment, knowing that Sash is right about her being the best person to spy on them. She’s also right that Maya’s safety is our top priority.
“Promise me you won’t try to fight with them,” I say, returning my attention to Sash. “If they see you, you have to run. You need to think about Aven and . . . and after everything we’ve been through, I can’t lose you now.”
She rests a hand on my shoulder. “Nobody is losing me. I won’t get in a fight. You have to trust me on this.”
“Maya and I could wait here for you,” I suggest.
“No,” Sash says, pulling her hand away from me. “It might take a while to learn what I need to about them. I want to know that Maya is safe in the Delta. Wait for me there. I’ll return as soon as I can.”
“Okay,” I reluctantly reply.
Sash looks at Maya. “I’m very proud of you. We never could have found Tela without you.”
For the first time I’ve ever seen, after months and months of us all being together in the Barrens and all the months I’ve known her before that, the corners of Maya’s lips curl into a smile.
“Thank you,” she replies. “I’m honored I could help.”
“You’re the bravest person I know,” I say to her.
In another first—at least since I returned from being in the Barrens with Tela—Sash leans to me and kisses my lips. When it ends, I rest my forehead against hers.
“Please be careful,” I say. “I don’t want that to be our last kiss.”
“It won’t be,” she says. “Get back to the Delta. Don’t stop for anything and go your top speed the entire way. We’ve put Maya in enough risk.”
“I love you,” I say.
Sash smiles at me. “I love you, Chase.”
Doing as Sash instructed, I load Maya on my back and blaze a trail straight to the Delta. Without ever slowing, I stick to the low ground and avoid going over hills. Maya falls asleep during the return journey and doesn’t wake up when I cross the bridge to the Delta. Apart from the Watchers on the wall, everyone else in the Delta seems to be inside their habitats since it’s so late.
Outside the caverns of Home, I summon Marc to let him know that we’re back. When he meets me at the entrance to the caverns, I tell him that Maya located Tela. Although his face remains as serious as always, he sighs with relief. As I carry Maya to her bed, she wakes up and looks at Marc through half-open eyes. Marc whispers again and again how proud he is of her for sticking with the search and never complaining.
Marc tells me that Aven is already asleep, but I go to her cavern anyway. While sitting on her bed, I gently caress her hair for a few minutes and listen to her steady breathing. I’d like to curl up beside her, but I know that between my anxiety about rescuing Tela and worrying about Sash’s safety that I’ll never fall asleep. After a few minutes with my daughter, I leave Home and return to the gate.
Even though I know he’s sleeping, I summon Larn to tell him the news. He’s thrilled to learn that we discovered where Tela is, but I sense worry in his voice about Sash being alone in the Barrens. After our brief conversation ends, I step through the gate and walk to the middle of the bridge.
Sitting on the steel surface at the center of the arch, I raise my knees and rest my arms on them. I stare at the Barrens to the northeast. I don’t know if I doze off for a few minutes or just drift away in thought, but I’m startled out of my trance by footsteps behind me. I look over my shoulder to see Larn walking up the bridge. He stops, sits down beside me, and speaks in a sympathetic tone.
“Not being able to do anything but wait might be the most helpless feeling there is.”
“It’s the worst,” I reply, still looking at the Barrens.
“It’s the same way Sash felt when you were missing,” he tells me.
I turn my face to him. “When I was out there with Tela, I had a lot of horrible thoughts. I thought Sash had betrayed me. I knew it was the wild sap, but I let it gnaw at me more and more until it was out of control. That’s why I behaved the way I did when I came back. I thought you and Sash were out to get me.”
“It’s almost impossible for us to control it,” he says.
I vehemently shake my head. “Not for me. All the things it makes a person feel are foreign to everyone born in the Delta. You don’t even have words for some of the emotions. But every one of those negative feelings exists in my world. We grow up trying to learn the difference between right and wrong, learning to thrive on good emotions and suppress the bad. I should have been stronger.” I pause for a moment. “If anything happens to
