He looks at me then and I see a small amount of acceptance in his eyes. The words I speak are false, but they buy me time to come up with a plan. In truth, I am fascinated by death and not just Death the primordial being. The concept of bodily death does not fascinate me, but I wish to know what happens to souls when they die. Where do they go if not to the underworld? Kane once told me that they simply vanish from existence, but that can’t be true, right? There has to be something more. Maybe it’s my human speaking, the need to know as much as I can, to question things even if they are fact. Or maybe it is my intuition screaming loudly at me from behind the haze of Kane clouding my mind.
He gives me a side glance. “And the nightmares?”
“Last night, I was able to sleep happily because you were there,” I admit. “But I don’t think it’s the Nephilim alone that scare me.”
“Then what is it?” He furls his brow, speaking to me genuinely.
Kane holds so many questions is his eyes. Lately he’s treated me with kindness and I want to revel in it, but I need distance right now. “I think what I fear the most in my dreams is that you can’t save me. No matter what happens, I always have to save myself. Or the light appears and I see the Nephilim die all over again.”
It’s not Kane’s fault. I know that. But I also know that he failed to save me twice. Sure, he defended me each time I came across a Nephilim, but that was only after the damage had already been done. I keep my gaze soft so he knows I’m not accusing him, but I let the weight of my words sink in.
Kane stops turning toward me. His face is a mixture of both confusion and sadness. “You’re disappointed in me, then? You don’t think I can protect you?”
I reach out, touching his arm with a warm smile. “I just think that I have to learn to protect myself better in case you can’t be there.”
He nods solemnly, but he doesn’t argue. “So, is that what was on your mind?”
I think about killing him more often than I think about returning to my family or being his wife, and that terrifies me. I fear I’m becoming the monster Delphine and Rose accused him of being. If only my family could see that I’m the one who plots in the darkness, that I’m the horned creature with a hideous grin and a long tail. Well, not literally, but that’s how I feel. I avoid my reflection in the mirrors of the castle. The only time I look at myself is in the waters of the garden.
“Yes,” I lie. “That’s what’s on my mind.”
Kane’s hand reaches between us and he tangles his fingers with mine. His thumb brushes the sensitive skin on the inside of my wrist and I bite back a whimper. Just that simple touch has the power to bring me to my knees. Memories of our dream plays in my mind and I smile to myself. I remember the way his eyes darkened and his nostrils flared when he pinned my arms above my head and I didn’t fight him. But those moments, the times when he shows me affection, are far and few. I wiggle my hand free.
I hurry in the direction that Willem went in, following the boot prints in the mud. He crouches beside the horses. His voice is low, barely a whisper, as he mumbles to himself. “Eight hours in the rolling hills and two days in the Blood Forest. We’ve barely made it towards the Yolnheim and the hard part hasn’t even started yet....”
I stop before he can see me, watching him curiously. I look back and forth through the branches of the shrubbery, but he is the only one here. I have never known him to talk to himself, but there he is, speaking as if he is recording a message. His mouth continues to move and yet no sound comes out. It’s as though he’s listening to a voice only he can hear. I creep closer, but don’t interrupt as he begins to talk once more. “We’re right on the edge of Yolnheim, then we travel through Zculth to save time...after that-”
“What are you doing?” The sound of Kane’s voice in my ear causes me to shout.
His ability to travel through the shadows must allow him to sneak up on unsuspecting targets. My heart thunders in my chest, banging against my ribs so hard that it feels like it’s trying to break free. Willem snaps out of whatever daze he was in and I emerge from the darkness with Kane on my heels. I watch Willem carefully, but he behaves as if nothing unusual happened. Kane is still unaware that he sleeps in the midst of two venomous snakes. Even more so, he doesn’t realize that one snake masquerades as his best friend while the other his doting lover. With every bat of my eyelashes I will draw him closer until the life that forfeits is not my own.
Chapter 6
Kane
Blood-red leaves flutter to the ground as the wind blows strong across the forest bed. I can’t remember the last time I’ve ridden through the beautiful, yet treacherous landscape of the underworld. Briar’s cowl is
