I sigh, shaking out my hands. I'm trying to have just a moment so I can tell him how I feel, but he seems so determined. I know it's probably just my insecurities talking, but right now, he's treating me like I'm a tool to be used. He's looking at me as if I'm his way out of everything, not his partner. My emotions are getting to me, and it's making it really difficult to even try to use my magic. One thing I do know about my powers is that they're affected by my emotions. I can't just turn them on and off like he can. I know the beings of the underworld look at that as a negative, something that makes humans weak, but I don't think so. I believe that our emotions and our and ability to feel is often what pushes us to be great. It's what motivates us to keep going when things are hard.
I know for a fact that my emotions for Kane, and my feelings for not just humans but the souls of the underworld, are the majority of why I'm still here. Why I'm still trying to save everyone. But he doesn't get it. I close my eyes anyway and try the best I can to focus on my energy. I can feel it circulating inside of me, and every time a thought pops into my mind, I push it aside.
The heat begins to rise in my chest, and I feel it trickle through my veins. I focus it, pushing it toward my palm. As it races to my hands, I open my eyes, watching sparks begin to shimmer around my fingers. There's a whisper of a thrill that chases behind the energy. Watching myself make my powers do what I want them to do is thrilling, and I can understand now why people with magic tend to get carried away. I also appreciate that those with dark souls end up doing horrific things with their powers. It could be very easy to do so.
The thought of this strikes fear in my heart, and the sparks begin to recede. My fear drowns my hope, it does it every time. If I'm capable of great things, and the laws of the universe are as I think they are, that means I'm also capable of terrible things. I didn't realize that until right this second.
When the last bit of light flickers in my hand, I drop my arms in frustration. I can see that Kane is trying not to reprimand me. It's in his nature to command people, and I know it's also in his nature to scold. But he doesn't, he gathers himself and finally takes a deep breath, putting his hand out to mine. "Tell me what you're thinking. Whatever it is, it's holding you back."
I shake my head as he pulls me closer to him. The energy that runs between our fingers soothes me, and my heart beats a bit slower. "I'm just thinking about life. About emotions, about good versus evil, and about my capabilities."
His brow lowers, and he tilts his head to the side. "We told you a multitude of times that you are capable of powers exceeding even Drogaem's."
I give him a slight smile and shake my head, dropping my hand from his. "I wasn't thinking about what powers I'm capable of having, I was thinking about what I was capable of with my powers at full force. What anyone, good or bad, could do with these." I let out a deep sigh and tilted my head back, walking across the room to the window. "It's stupid. Very human of me, I know. I just want to make sure that we make the right choices because otherwise, so many people will die. Souls will be lost forever."
Kane walks up behind me and puts his hands on my shoulders, pressing his fingers into my tense muscles. I close my eyes and feel the tendrils of energy that flow between us. He leans his forehead against the back of my head. "If you're worried about hurting people, I can promise you that it won't happen by accident. But if you're worried about purposefully doing the wrong thing, I can tell you that will never happen. It's not because you have to be, or because everyone thinks you're good, it's because you truly are. Your innocence has been one of the most vibrant things in this castle in centuries. You try to do what's right every time."
His words comfort me, but only for a moment. I think back to when I first arrived here. I didn't have good intentions when I came. My focus was on killing Kane. My attention was bound to carrying out my father's bidding, not knowing the deception that was playing all around me. But I don’t want to tell Kane, not before I tell him how I feel about him. I don't want him to think that any part of that is still alive inside of me. If anything, it's the opposite.
No matter what Kane believes is right in this situation, I will keep my emotions on the surface. I will remember what I'm fighting for because he's a massive part of it. I turn and stare into his dark eyes, reaching up and running my fingers over his cheek. His lip quivers, and my eyes gaze along his pouty frown. The air catches in my throat, and I lift up on my toes, slowly leaning forward toward him. I know there's a good chance he'll pull away, but I so desperately want to touch his lips with mine.
As I grow closer, I can feel his heated and quickening breath against my skin. I stop for just a moment and hover, the edge of
