Everything I own, except for the duffel bag I packed for the weekend, was in that apartment.
I don’t have a place to live.
That thought should probably cause more panic than it does. Despite all the shit I went through during my time as a foster kid, I managed to avoid ever being truly homeless. No matter what else happened, I always had a roof over my head, and now I’ve lost that.
But it doesn’t seem to matter all that much right now. Not when I compare it to everything else that’s happened.
It was just a place. It was just stuff.
“I’m sorry, Rose,” Theo murmurs, turning his soft blue-green eyes on me.
Ryland doesn’t say anything, but as he takes a left turn, I realize where we’re headed. Where we’ve always been headed. He never even started driving toward my neighborhood, taking us instead to the part of Halston where the three men each have houses close to each other.
Something warm spreads through my chest, an antidote to the bitter pain that’s taken up residence there. I glance from Ryland to Theo as a lump forms in my throat.
“Thank you.”
It’s barely a whisper, and it’s not enough. Not enough to convey everything I need it to.
But it’s all I have.
Theo smiles at me sadly, threading his fingers through mine again and squeezing my hand. “Of course.”
Ryland pulls up outside a large house a few minutes later. It’s similar in size and style to Marcus’s place, and that similarity makes my stomach clench. I didn’t realize until this moment how comfortable and familiar Marcus’s house had started to feel. I felt safe there, in a way that had very little to do with physical protection.
You were safe there, a little voice whispers in my head. That’s why Marcus told you to stay.
But he never told me why I should stay, never told me that I might be risking my life if I stepped outside the protection of his walls. He was trying to protect me, to keep me insulated from the world he and his friends live in, but I can’t help but feel mad at him for it.
If he hadn’t lied to me, I wouldn’t have left his house. I wouldn’t have become an unwilling pawn, and the three men wouldn’t have had to abandon their position in the game to come get me.
And Marcus wouldn’t have gotten shot.
Like a series of dominoes falling, one lie set off a chain reaction that culminated in three gunshots I can still hear echoing in my ears.
Why couldn’t he have just told me?
“Hey. You okay?” Theo catches my elbow, and I realize my steps have stalled halfway up the path to his front door.
“Yeah.”
I try to give him a smile, but I know he doesn’t buy it. It feels more like a grimace even to me.
Shaking away my dark thoughts, I follow him inside the house, followed closely by Ryland. But as soon as I’m safely inside, Ryland turns around and heads for the door again.
“Where are you going?” I ask.
Maybe it’s a stupid question. He doesn’t live here, after all, so there’s no real reason to expect him to stay. But a strange flutter of panic ripples through me at the idea of him leaving. I feel like I need him here, even though I can’t quite articulate why.
He hesitates, glancing at me over his shoulder. For just a second, the hard lines of his face smooth out a little, his hazel eyes softening. “I’m gonna run over to Marcus’s place to get your stuff.”
“Oh.” I swallow. “Thank you.”
He dips his head in a nod. “Sure. Who knows, maybe there’ll be some sign of Marcus there. Maybe he…”
Ryland trails off, as if he knows he sounds like he’s grasping at straws. I can hear it too, but I can’t help the little spark of hope that lights inside my chest. “That’s a good idea.”
His jaw clenches, and the hardness I’m used to seeing on his face returns. He gives one more nod, then leaves.
“Come on, Rose.” Theo grabs the bottle of pills out of the little bag they came in, tosses the bag on a small table by the entryway, then pours a couple tablets into his hand. “First, get some painkillers in you. Second, shower. Sound good?”
I nod. All I really want to do is curl up in the fetal position and hope sleep comes for me, but I know it won’t until I do both of those things.
Theo leads me to the kitchen, where he gets me to eat a few crackers before handing me a glass of water and the pills. I swallow them down, then follow him upstairs. My mind is in too much of a daze for me to absorb much of my surroundings, but I notice that Theo seems to have a thing for art. He’s got several big pieces on the walls, paintings with bold colors and indefinable shapes. It’s not exactly what I would’ve expected from him, but somehow, it makes perfect sense.
He leads me down a hallway on the second floor, then opens a door and gestures me inside.
“Guest room,” he says as he steps in after me. “There are towels in the bathroom, and shampoo and shit in the shower.” His brows drop a little, and he steps forward, framing my face with his hands as he looks down at me. “You gonna be okay? You can get in bed right now if you want. I don’t give a shit about the sheets. I just thought maybe you’d want to…” He trails off, his gaze flicking down my body.
As if called up by his words, the lingering coppery scent of blood teases my nostrils. I’m sure I’ve smelled like this the whole time, but I’ve been able to tune it out a little, my mind focusing
