I dared notfalter again.
Thesleeping man didn’t fight back, but his breathing quickened to thepoint of hyperventilation as he slowly urged forward, pressing hisnaked skin against my razor-sharp edge. I could hear the crisp break ofhis flesh as it cut into him. My stomach toiled. Tiny drops ofblood began to run down his sweaty chest and I choked backtears.
“Henry, please,” Ibegged once more.
I was about togive up and let Henry go, but the sensation must have been enoughto pull him out of the waking nightmare because he suddenly gasped.A stark intake of air that cleared his mind and brought him back tome. He finally refrained from pushing against the blade and stoodtall. Confused.
“W-where–” Frantically, his eyes searched the room and thenlanded on me, falling to the weapon I held and then noted the blooddripping down his front. “What on Earth is happening?”
Words evadedme. I’d been in a fight-or-flight mode until that moment and nowthe events rushed through my mind, sinking in. My muscles stilltense and my fingers shaking, tears flowed heavily down myface.
Henry nearlykilled me.
“Did I…Christ. Dianna, what did I do? Are you hurt?”
His handsreached for me, but I backed away, my sword falling to the floor. Ineeded time to process it all. I didn’t want to be touched. By himor by anyone, for that matter. All I wanted was to get off thisdamn ship and run toward the never-ending horizon.
My tremblingarms wrapped around my heaving torso. “I-I’m fine.”
“Dian–”
“Justleave, please.” I turned and grabbed a quilt from the bed and threwit over my shoulders. Henry didn’t move. Didn’t speak. His raggedbreaths filled the quiet room, making my skin crawl. “Justleave, Henry!”
I clamberedinto bed and cocooned myself in the rest of the blankets, waitingfor him to go. I didn’t want Henry to see, but my hands wereshaking past the point of control and I held them tight against mybody. I think I was in shock. He stood there in the corner for afew minutes, but I didn’t protest. I knew he had his own realitiesto process and I let him come to the conclusion on his own.Finally, he spoke. A low whisper as he moved across the room towardthe door.
“I’llnever forgive myself for what just happened,” he paused and inhaleda breath of sobs, “and I’ll leave. I’ll sleep down in the quartersbelowdecks until we get to England.” I heard his footsteps reachthe door and the old brass knob twisted open. “Lock the door behindme.”
And just likethat, he was gone.
***
I stayedin my quarters most of the next day, only slipping out of bed longenough to answer the door when Lottie came with food in the lateafternoon. She never asked, never spoke of what was going on andwhy Henry had slept down belowdecks. I knew she wanted to. But, like thegood friend she was, waited until I was ready.
I crawledback into my nest of quilts with my tray of food and satcross-legged to eat it. Butwhen I glanced down at the plate of toutans covered in molasses, Icouldn’t help but cry. I’d never be able to look at one of my favorite dishes againwithout thinking of him. Without the flood of not-too-distantmemories and how our fateful paths crossed. The fried bread doughwas one of the ways I’d won Henry over when I was first takenprisoner aboard The Devil’s Heart. If I had known then what I knewnow about his tortured mind, I may not have come…
No.
I chastisedmyself for even entertaining the thought. I would always come backfor my Henry. Through time, through anything. No matter howblackened his soul may be. Our love was strong enough to conqueranything. That much I knew for certain and I held on to thataffirmation with every fiber of my being.
Obviously,falling in love with me had helped him heal in a way I never knewhe needed. But the time he spent on Kelly’s Island did something tothe man I loved. It set him back and scrambled his brain. I justhad to figure out how to help him heal a second time.
I took a fewbites of my food and washed it down with lukewarm tea beforegetting dressed. My bruised arms protested at the slight pressureof heavy sleeves. I exited my quarters and made my rounds on TheQueen, making sure everyone was doing okay and things were all ingood working order. Glancing up at the dreary sky and fast-movingclouds, I remembered what Finn had said about a possible stormcoming and went to find him.
“Finn!” Icalled as I approached him by the ship’s wheel.
He turned toface me. “Aye, Captain?”
“Thatstorm,” I began, “do you think it’s still going to hitus?”
He nodded andcast his face to the clouds. “Aye, and I reckon harder than I firstimagined.”
“Howhard?”
“Sky’sdark. The wind was chilly this mornin’, but now it’s warm.” Hesighed heavily and rubbed his red beard. “It could get rough. I’dadvise ye sleep down below ‘til it passes.”
My lips pursedin thought. I couldn’t be anywhere near a sleeping Henry for a fewdays. I needed time to process the startling events of the nightbefore and figure out a way to help him overcome it. I couldn’timagine the immense sense of guilt he must be feeling. But I justdidn’t have the right frame of mind to talk to him. Not aboutanything too heavy, anyway.
“No, I’llbe alright in my quarters. I’ll secure everything. Just make surethe ship is ready for the storm.”
“Aye,Captain,” he replied, his expression hovering, waiting.
I closed myeyes tightly. “Henry will be fine.”
“’Tis not he I’m worried ‘bout.”
I triedto smile, but it came out more like a half-turned frown as I pat myfriend’s arm. “I’m fine. I’ll… befine.”
He neverreplied, just eyed me curiously. I wondered then, what I lookedlike to everyone. Was I the crazy woman from the future? Or thenaïve girl that they were stuck with as their captain? Or were theyall just humoring me? I’d be the first to admit, I had no idea whatI was doing.
But I tried mybest and learned quickly. I wanted to be a great captain. But maybedealing with a pregnancy and
