The concerned look on his face made her wish she didn’t have to have this conversation. But that was the trouble with needing a transplant. She’d had to have a lot of conversations she didn’t want to have.
“I see her here, and the community that has gathered around both of us. Katie has found a home in Columbine Springs, and if I can’t be here to raise her, I know she will be in good hands. Ricky would do anything for her, and were he a younger man, I might have asked him, since he’s family. But you’re young, and even though we don’t have any promises in life, you stand a better chance of watching her grow up.”
She was babbling now, trying to explain the thoughts she’d had over the past month. But Ty nodded patiently, like he was trying to understand, process her words.
“It’s a lot to ask, I know, but—”
His warm hands had never left hers, and yet the squeeze he gave her as he interrupted made her feel like she was firmly on a foundation she’d never before stood on.
“My answer was yes the moment you asked. Don’t start telling me how you don’t want to be a burden. Katie means the world to me, and my only hesitation is how unfair it is that you even have to face the possibility of having to choose someone else to raise her.”
Swallowing the lump that had been growing in her throat, Rachel felt some of the burden she’d been carrying fall off her.
“I don’t know what I would’ve done if you’d said no.”
He looked at her with such intensity that she wondered if he could read her innermost thoughts. Now there was something she wasn’t ready to confess. How her personal feelings and regard for Ty were growing. But she didn’t have the right to say so, not now. Maybe not ever.
Did he see her as a woman to love, or a woman who might be dying? And was it fair to even ask that question with so much hanging in the balance?
“You mentioned the conversation we’d had earlier about me being there for Katie no matter what. I meant it then, and I mean it now. I will still be praying for your recovery, and I will put whatever resources I can behind it. Because what’s best for Katie is her mother. But I’m grateful that you’d trust me enough to step in if the unthinkable happens.”
She reached out her arms and hugged him. When he responded by holding her tight, she wasn’t prepared for the flood of emotions that hit. She hadn’t been in a man’s arms since Chris, and Chris had never made her feel this safe, this protected. Actually, she couldn’t remember a time when she’d ever felt like this. Ty was a rock, a foundation of goodness and strength who was promising to be there for Katie.
And a tiny part of Rachel wished that he was doing the same for her. That he would say the same thing to support her. Not that she was the kind of woman who thought she needed a man in her life. On the contrary, she’d always been self-reliant.
But here in Ty’s arms, for the first time, she could see herself being okay with admitting that maybe she did need someone in her life. Someone to hold her, just like this.
Ty pressed a kiss to the top her head as he pulled away. “You know I mean that for you, as well, right? Katie isn’t the only person in this equation I care deeply about.”
Maybe he really could read her thoughts. Her stomach felt queasy as he examined her face.
“I...”
He smiled at her gently and, if she were to be so bold, lovingly. “Don’t turn this into an argument, okay? If you’re getting your house in order, then you have to let me do the same for mine. I know you don’t have the capacity to process some cowboy lawyer making calf eyes at you. But I don’t want either of us leaving this earth without you knowing how much you mean to me.”
Ty paused, then he closed his eyes and pressed his lips together.
He was just as fearful as she was. Clearly, she wasn’t the only one who had feelings for the other. But he probably also realized that this wasn’t the right time for her to get caught up in some crazy romantic fantasy.
Then he opened his eyes and looked at her. “Sorry. God was just dealing with me on some things. I know I haven’t shown my affection for you in obvious ways, and I’ve tried to give you space. You’re dealing with so much that I didn’t want to burden you with my feelings. So you don’t have to do anything with what I just said. Let’s just let it be for now.”
This was why the whole situation was so difficult. Because there were so many emotions to sort through, and having Ty facing his, confessing because he didn’t want her dying without knowing, somehow obligated her to be honest about her feelings, as well.
“I care about you, too,” she said. “But I don’t have the luxury of time to figure out what that means.”
This was worse than being a teenager. Worse than being the naive college student who’d thought she loved Chris. She was nervous, scared and sick to her stomach, all at the thought of turning on an emotion she’d long ago locked away.
Ty sat there holding a key, and she knew that if she only said the word, he would open that long-forgotten room and maybe it would be safe to let herself love again.
“I’m not asking you to figure anything out right now,” he said. “God willing, when you get your kidney, we’ll have all the time in the world. But for now I want you
