Those were the truths she couldn’t share with Will. Only the excuse she’d given at the church. “Because I’d come to realize the importance of my faith. Despite his words at the church, I know Ben doesn’t share my faith.”
A lump formed in Mary’s throat. How important to her was her faith, really? As much as she said that she put it at the forefront of her life, it seemed that most of the time, her faith was more of an afterthought than anything.
Even now, in the midst of this trial, Mary’s faith had been lacking. Though she knew it was wrong, she still found it hard to accept that the Lord would forgive her actions. What more could she do to make things right?
Will squeezed her hand. “It’s okay, Mary. I won’t judge you. You can tell me what happened with you and Ben, even if you think your actions compromised your faith. We serve a forgiving God.”
She yanked her hand away. “I did not compromise myself with Ben.”
Of all the horrible things to insinuate. Just because her sister had deemed it wise to visit a house of ill repute with the man didn’t mean that Mary had made the same mistake.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that you did.” Will sighed. “I just know how sometimes we do things that we don’t mean to, thinking that we’re doing the right thing. A little lie here, or hiding the truth...”
Silence filled the space between them. She’d done those things. Will knew it. Everyone knew it. Would she feel better confessing it? Perhaps. But not to Will.
He cleared his throat. “Again, I apologize. I’m just as much a sinner as you are. I have no particular knowledge of any sins you might be guilty of. I was trying to be helpful, and I had the opposite effect. So whatever it is that you feel guilty about, I hope you know that if you talk to God and confess your sins, He is quick to forgive.”
Mary wished it were so simple. The trouble with confessing and even receiving the Lord’s forgiveness was that none of it changed the mess you’d made of your life in the meantime. It didn’t fix the lives you’d ruined and the people you’d hurt.
The compassion in Will’s eyes was genuine. For a moment, she could almost make herself believe that he understood. But he wouldn’t understand the depths of what she’d done. Still, he didn’t deserve her acting like a petulant child when he’d been trying so hard to be a good witness to her.
“Thank you, Will. I know you were trying to help. I appreciate your kind words, and I will think on them. If you don’t mind, I’m going to spend some quiet time, doing what I should have done to begin with. I’m going to pray.”
Only, as she tried to form the words in her mind, they simply wouldn’t come. Why would God aid her now, when her desire for Him was one of desperation and need? The Lord deserved better from her, and she prayed that she’d be able to be the kind of woman worthy of His regard. Especially in this matter. Rose shouldn’t be the one to pay for Mary’s sins.
* * *
Despite the rough roads, Will was pleased to see that they’d made good time heading back to town. As the wagon rolled down Harrison Avenue, nothing seemed to indicate it was anything but an ordinary day. He stole another glance at Mary, whose red eyes spoke of grief, though he knew she hadn’t yet expressed it. He’d made a muck of things, trying to get her to talk to him. He’d like to say it was just as well, since the more time he spent with her, the more he found her to be an agreeable young lady of great moral—
What was he doing, letting his thoughts go that way? It did him no good to ponder Mary’s finer qualities. She was a decent woman who didn’t deserve the trouble her family faced.
Had Will done his job in putting Ben behind bars in the first place, none of this would have happened.
As they passed State Street, shots rang out in the distance. Everyone in the wagon jumped, and Will couldn’t help but notice the deepening lines on her forehead. Someone so pretty shouldn’t have to worry so much.
Will shook his head, trying to get whatever madness was inside to fall out. No one should have to worry like that, pretty or not.
“Looks like it came from The Brass Stallion,” Jasper said, looking past him to Mary.
“Is that near—” her voice dropped to a near whisper “—where my sister is?”
“The Pink Petticoat is several blocks away.”
Thankfully, Jasper’s confident tone didn’t reveal what both men knew. Mary’s sister was still in a great deal of danger.
They turned toward the church and Pastor Lassiter’s house, and Will steeled himself. He needed to be sure the other man knew the truth about Ben Perry. And even if the pastor were uncomfortable, Will had to see the case through.
The wagon had barely stopped before Mary jumped out and ran toward the house.
The door opened, and Pastor Lassiter stepped out, an older matron following quickly behind. While the moment should have been reserved for a more private reunion, they didn’t have any time to waste.
“Mr. Lewis, I am much obliged to you for the ride into town as well as for your hospitality at the hotel. I’m sure you’ll understand that I have to—”
Mr. Lewis waved him on. “Do what you have to do, son. We’ll be praying for you.”
Will and Jasper climbed out of the wagon and followed Mary to the porch.
“You don’t need to stay. I’ll take it from here,” Mary said, her voice quivering.
Will gave her a hard look. “That’s where you’re wrong. You’re no match for a man like Ben Perry. Jasper and I will go after him.”
Pastor Lassiter nodded slowly, looking at Will as if
