We ate in silence for a few minutes.
“I’ll talk to him,” Jay finally stated roughly.
I stared at his profile. “Oh, no… it’s okay.”
“It sounds like he needs some convincing to do the right thing.”
I could almost see the anger billowing off him in waves. His muscles pulled the arms of his t-shirt as he took a gulp of his drink. As soon as he put the glass back on the table, I put my hand on his shoulder and moved closer to him.
“Hey,” I said gently. “I’m going to handle it. I don’t want to drag you into this.”
“You realize what’s happening, right?” He finished the rest of his drink. “They’re setting you up.”
“I’m going to handle it,” I repeated. I tried to make my tone as reassuring as possible even though I felt panicked. “It’s going to be fine.”
I had no idea what I was going to do but I knew getting Jay involved would make a bad situation worse.
Cuddling up next to him, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I needed him to calm down so that he could, in turn, calm me down. “I just want to forget about everything tonight and eat pizza and watch a movie with my best friend. Please.”
He didn’t say anything immediately, so I shook him. “Yeah, okay,” he relented. “Pick a movie. I’m going to change into a pair of shorts.”
By the time he came back, I’d found a thriller for us to enjoy.
“Well that sucked,” he said two hours later.
I laughed. “It did. But that’s not my fault”—I pointed at the screen— “the preview was completely misleading!”
“Yeah it was.” Picking up the remote, he flipped through the channels until he found something else. “Now it’s my turn.”
We laughed and joked for the first half of the comedy he’d selected. But toward the end, I was starting to nod off.
“Let’s go to bed,” Jay whispered, nudging me off his shoulder.
I wiped my mouth and looked around in confusion. “Okay.”
I picked up the empty pizza box and my two empty bottles of water. Tossing them in the trashcan, I noticed the time. “It’s only one o’clock.” My voice was hoarse. “Why does it seem later?”
“Because it’s been a long ass week.”
“True story.”
Peeling off my robe, I made my way to the bathroom. I draped it on the hook on the back of the door and looked at myself in the mirror. It was clear I was tired. I had bags under my eyes and my hair was still a mess. With a shake of my head, I brushed my teeth and washed my face.
My satin pillow was still in Jay’s room and if I hadn’t been so tired, I probably wouldn’t have just climbed in his bed as if it were my own. It wasn’t until he said goodnight that I remembered what had happened hours earlier.
My eyes flew open.
I stared at the wall in the darkened room as I tried to tell myself it wasn’t that big of a deal. Just apologize.
My back was to him, but I knew he was still awake. “Jay?”
“Hm?”
“I’m sorry I masturbated in here earlier,” I blurted out.
I felt the bed dip as he rolled over. I could feel him staring at the back of my head. “Yo…”
I groaned and pulled the covers over my head. “Jay,” I whined.
“Yooooo…” He tugged the covers off me. “I’m glad you brought it up because I didn’t know what to say!”
“Oh my God,” I wailed.
“I get it. Sometimes after a long day you have to get one out,” he joked. “I’ve been there.”
“James!” I covered my face with my hands. Mortification mixed with amusement as I stifled the laugh that was threatening to burst out of me. “Can we drop it?”
“Only if you tell me what material you used to christen my bed.”
I froze.
Complete and utter humiliation threatened to expose me and further complicate things. I removed my hands from my face and pulled the sheet up under my chin.
“Just accept my apology and forget you heard anything. Please,” I begged.
“Apology accepted.” He chuckled a little. “But seriously, you didn’t hear me come in?”
I twisted my torso and turned my head so I could see his face. “No. Obviously not.”
His moved his head as if he were trying to get a better read on my expression. “Hey, I’m just giving you a hard time. You know you don’t have to be embarrassed around me. I really don’t care. Don’t worry about it.”
“It’s embarrassing. I’d like to forget it happened. Can we agree to never speak of this? Can you forget what you heard?”
With his brown eyes boring into mine, he licked his lips. “I can try,” he whispered.
There was a small tug somewhere deep inside me. Swallowing hard, I ripped my eyes away and turned back to face the wall. “Thank you.”
We were both quiet for a couple of minutes.
“Are we okay?” I asked, my voice quiet.
“Why wouldn’t we be?”
Jay moved over and draped his arm around me like he had done many other times. But I could tell his body was angled differently. Even though there was usually a good amount of space that he kept between us, only his arm and hand seemed to be close to me. I didn’t know if it was because I was self-conscious or because he was uncomfortable, but neither one of us pointed it out.
“You’re right.” I put my hand on top of his and squeezed it. I knew if we could brush it off, we would be okay. “It’s not a big deal.”
“Not a big deal,” he repeated.
“I know you watch porn. It’s kind of the same thing,”
