“I find false hope slows the process.” Ms. Alvaraz’s smile widens. “Lie down for me? It’s easier if you’re as relaxed as possible.”
“Couldn’t hurt.” I shrug and ease onto my stomach.
The mat is actually pretty comfortable. I’ll have to concentrate if I don’t want to fall asleep, unless that makes things easier on Ms. Alvarez. Out of the side of my eye, I search for Rafe. He’s in a corner on the other end of the room. Absolute torment warps his face as he rests his forehead on one of his hands. His Healer strokes his back, whispering something, eyes closed. Presumably reading his aura.
My quiet chest aches for him. Whoever he believes is his unfinished business must be close to him, and in possible danger. Like me, though, he’s obviously missing vital information to help them. Hopefully, the Healers can help both of us.
“Ms. Martin, I know you’re worried about your friend, but I’m going to need you to relax so I can get a good read.”
I wince and shut my eyes. “Right. Sorry. I am relaxing.”
Ms. Alvarez places her hand on the small of my back. Like every touch now that I’m a ghost, it spreads cool waves through my entire body, or spirit, I guess. My brain again tries to send me back into a thought spiral about where my actual body is, but I rein it in.
As I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth, Ms. Alvarez murmurs, “Better. Much better.”
“Have you ever worked on a ghost who lost their memory?” I ask.
“I’ll answer all of your questions after I’m done with your reading, Ms. Martin,” she says in a soothing voice. “But to settle your mind, yes, I have.”
When she doesn’t expound, I have to restrain a second thought spiral. It’s great that she’s worked with someone else with amnesia, but was she successful? Did they ever get back their memories? Or was this other ghost Haya’s roommate? I’m starting to think more and more that Erin somehow got twisted, and the reason no one is telling me what happened is because they don’t want to scare me.
But their silence is worse.
Kind of like how not seeing the monster in a movie is scarier than if it’s constantly on screen. My imagination takes off with various horrific scenarios, all probably much more terrifying than the reality. Truth pulls the fake monster mask off to reveal the much less terrifying reality underneath. Right now, I really need this to happen.
“Ms. Martin, I want you to take some slow breaths and focus on a calming sentence. Anxiety is completely clouding your aura.”
“Sorry...uh, got a suggestion for that calming sentence?”
“Keep it simple. Something like, ‘I’m okay, I’m safe.’”
I shimmy a little to get more comfortable, and try this phrase, repeating the first part when I breathe in, and the second part when I breathe out. It does help a bit. After a few minutes, I’m even having to fight off sleep again. Thankfully, Ms. Alvarez taps my shoulder before I start snoring, and asks me to sit up.
“What’s the verdict?”
Ms. Alvarez doesn’t exactly frown, but her jaw tightens and something flickers behind her eyes that doesn’t look at all promising. “I’ll need a few more sessions before I can give you the full diagnosis. By the end of the week I should know more. In the meantime, pay attention to any life flashes that come your way. They can be frightening, but try to lean into them, focus on anything that might root you to your past. We’ll figure all of this out, you have no reason to worry.”
Chapter Six
The first day is exhausting. After Discovering Unfinished Business with Rafe, Interacting with the Living with Haya, then Science of the Afterlife alone, I need a moment to clear my head. School is so much different at Locklear. Though I don’t remember the finer points of my education while I was alive, I know the consequences of failing a Biology test were nowhere near as intense as bombing a class here.
It’s pass or don’t pass on. Comforting thought.
Also, death makes thinking difficult. My thoughts keep trying to take off in all directions like a flock of birds in a field. The second one lands, it flaps off almost immediately and it’s hard to get back.
Or maybe I’m just a little ADD in general.
I pause on my trudge back to the dorms and attempt to sit on a big rock in between buildings. When I don’t slip through, I cross my legs and blow out a sigh. Red sunshine fans out between the bare branches of the trees. It creates a pattern on the grass a little like stained glass. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to catch a memory I feel tickling my brain.
Sitting in an old church...the smell of candles...a hardwood bench grating my spine...organ music…
Fingers pressed to my temples, I try to ground my thoughts, but it doesn’t work. The memory slips away and I let out a growl. Why can’t I nail them down? Ms. Alvarez said it might take time, but not to worry. Not to worry seems to be the party line around here.
Easy peasy, lemon squeezy, right?
I push out a sigh and lean back on my palms to watch the stars take over the sky. As they chase away the final rays of sunshine, the temperatures steadily drop. Everything in me slows. Almost like the opposite of an adrenaline rush. Whereas when I had a body, the cold might have stung, numb, removed feeling, it now swirls through me in a cool wave.
A little like the way mint spreads through your mouth.
Antsy and a bit uncomfortable, I hop up and shuffle further into the woods, kicking leaves as I go. Or at least I try kicking leaves. They barely stir when I swing the tips of my boots at them. Guess I’ll learn how to do that better in Corporeal Contact tomorrow.
Wind knocks the tree branches together overhead. It’s
