A manic giggle slipped free, and I rubbed my thumb along my brow line, trying to hide my wince.
“Uh, oh. What happened?”
I breathed in as deep as my lungs would allow and expelled the whole story in one single ramble. By the end, my eyes were screwed shut, and my shoulders were by my ears. When Alex stayed silent, I cocked an eye open to find her slack-jawed in a chair.
“This is crazy, right?”
She finally blinked, taking her own deep breath and seemed to process my word vomit. “I mean, if it helps, then it doesn’t matter if it’s crazy.” She held my stare, her blue eyes stark against her pale skin and dark hair. “How much do you want this, Hanna?”
Fire burned up my throat, stinging the backs of my eyes. I had to swallow more than once to get the words past the lump threatening to choke me. The same lump that had been choking me for years. “I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I don’t want to be alone. I want to feel someone touch me and enjoy it.”
Alex got up and rounded the desk, leaning against it and gripping my hand tightly. “You’re never alone.”
Her hand anchored me from getting lost in my emotions. I held tight until the fire subsided. “Thank you.”
She pressed a kiss to the top of my head and rounded back to her seat before pulling container after container out of the bag. Drool almost fell from my lips when I saw the sushi and eggrolls. This girl sure knew the way to my heart.
“Does Erik know?” she asked around a mouthful of white rice and salmon.
“God, no.” I pointed my chopsticks and glared. “And he won’t find out, right?”
She held up her hands. “Not from me, but I also won’t lie.”
“Fair enough, I guess.”
We both leaned back and propped our feet on my desk, enjoying the food in silence. At least, until Alex had me almost choking on my bite.
“Do you like Daniel?” The question rang of false innocence. It said, I’m not asking for any specific reason. I won’t have any reaction, no matter how you answer.
It lied.
Playing it cool, I shrugged, refusing to meet her eyes as I stared at my chopsticks swirling wasabi into my soy sauce. “He’s nice.”
Her snort had my eyes snapping up. “Nice? Nothing about Daniel is nice. Hot, hard, sexy with sharp edges and a smile to melt your panties.”
“Do you need privacy?”
“I’m good,” she said with a wink.
“Don’t let Erik hear you say that. He’d probably kill Daniel on principle.”
“Well, he knows I have eyes, and anyone who denies thinking Daniel is hot, is a liar, liar, pants on fire.”
“I guess I see it,” I muttered.
“You’re so full of shit,” she laughed.
“Hey,” Sean said, popping his head around the door. “Is now a bad time?”
Alex and I dropped our feet and sat upright. I may have brushed my hair back and wiped at my face to make sure nothing was lingering. “No, no. Now’s fine.”
“We’re just having some girl talk,” Alex explained, turning to him. “Sean, right?”
“Yeah,” he said, fully stepping through the door. “Good to see you again.” He returned Alex’s nod before placing files on my desk. “I just wanted to drop these off.”
Alex bobbed her brows behind him, distracting me. “Yeah. Great. Thank you,” I stuttered, heat rising into my cheeks.
One side of his mouth kicked up, revealing a dimple I wanted to press my finger into just to see how deep it went. “I like your shirt today. It matches your eyes perfectly.”
“Oh, um…” My hand skimmed over the material as I tried to think of a response. “Thank you.”
Alex made sexual hand gestures behind his back, and I thought I’d overheat any moment.
“It was good to see you outside the office at the party. Maybe we can do it again some time.”
Alex nodded so aggressively I thought she’d fall out of the chair. I was surprised that Sean hadn’t turned around to see what my eyes kept flicking to.
“Yeah.” His eyes lit up, and the usual prick of panic forced me to establish an out. “Maybe,” I quickly added, dimming his excitement.
“Great. Just let me know when.”
Alex made sure the door closed this time after he left, and as soon as the door clicked in place, I sagged back in my chair like I’d just run a marathon.
“Daaaaaaamn. He looks even better in a suit than that polo last week. Not as good as Erik, but not bad.”
“Ew.” I cringed but laughed.
The truth was that Sean did look good in a suit.
The truth was that I did want to go out with him. Have a drink. Laugh. Dance…Kiss.
And maybe after working with Daniel, I’d actually be up for talking to him outside of work. Maybe more.
Maybe.
7
Hanna
The third night walking into Voyeur was a million times worse. No matter how much I tried to convince myself my fear was irrational, like the square root of two, it lingered. It more than lingered. It sank into my muscles, making them ache with each step I forced forward.
Jesus, Han-Han. Please, don’t make a math pun at a time like this.
“Shut up, Sof,” I muttered, looking around the parking lot.
The lights shined bright, leaving barely any dark spots people could hide in, but I still held my keys between my knuckles, holding my breath until I cleared the door into an empty lobby.
Taking advantage, I closed my eyes and inhaled through my nose, counting to ten, and slowly exhaling through my mouth for another ten.
“Better?”
Any calm I gathered through my breathing exercise vanished when my heart jumped so hard it almost leaped out of my throat.
“Daniel,” I breathed, slapping a hand to my heaving chest. “I didn’t see you.”
He casually leaned against the wall beside the door that led inside, arms crossed over his broad chest, his lips quirked up on one side. “I was waiting. I didn’t
