Kent’s smile slipped for the first time since we started talking, and he sat up. “I’m seeing a bit of the old Daniel coming out. The one that wanted to save all the girls.”
His light tone did nothing but poke at old memories.
“Daniel, she’s pulling you down. We’re in our sophomore year. You going to keep sacrificing the best years of our lives?”
“She’s just having a rough week. She’s not always like this.”
Kent pursed his lips, doubt etched on every inch of his face.
“You’ve known her for a few months, I’ve known her for years,” I defended. “She’s my girlfriend and friends help each other. They don’t back off when it’s hard.”
“I know that, but lately, she seems more hard than not. Maybe she should talk to someone about it.”
“She talks to me. I’m all she needs.”
I reached across the bar for the bourbon and a glass, downing the drink before pouring another. “I’m just trying to help her out.”
The loud, laughing patrons enjoying their dinner were nothing compared to all the silent words between Kent and me. I couldn’t look at him, knowing what I’d see on his face. Instead, I opted to study the amber liquid filling my glass.
“She’s not Sabrina, D,” Kent finally said softly.
“I know that,” I snapped, jerking my angry gaze his way. I hated when he brought her up. I hated what hearing her name brought up.
“Who’s Sabrina?” Jackson asked.
“Fuck,” I muttered. I didn’t want to talk about this.
“She was Daniel’s girlfriend in high school and college. Only girl he ever cared about, even if she was pretty crazy-pants.”
I slapped the bar, growling, “Don’t say that.”
“Sorry.” He cleared his throat, and regret clouded his eyes. “Either way, she didn’t make it out of college, and Daniel blames himself.” He exhaled the explanation like it hadn’t defined my future.
“I don’t blame myself.”
“Okay,” he said, his tone condescending.
“Fuck you.”
“Uh, let’s stop there,” Jackson cut in.
He knew Kent and I could go at it like any brothers could, and probably didn’t want a brawl in his bar. I didn’t want one either.
Kent took a deep breath and sat back. “Seriously, I don’t want you to get so entwined in someone else’s problems again.”
“Kent, you know I don’t do serious.” Running my hand through my hair, I faced him, letting him see my sincerity. “I’m just being a nice guy with some free time. Why not spend it with a beautiful girl who’s pretty funny, too?”
Kent studied me, and I let him see it all. He dug through all my hiding spaces and tried to pull any truth out with only a look.
“I still can’t believe you watched porn and only held hands,” Jackson muttered, breaking the tension.
Kent’s perpetual smirk returned. “Yeah, D’s a super freak like that. Really gets off on hand-holding.”
“Fuck you,” I said again, this time with no heat.
“I would, but your niece wouldn’t approve.”
My jaw clamped shut, and I glared, doing my best to burn him alive. There were rules to him dating Olivia, my niece, and one of those was not talking about it at all.
“Jeez, it’s like Grumpier Old Men in here. Do a shot and talk about bowling like the old nerds you are,” Jackson joked, making fun of our love of bowling. “Or hand holding if that’s what you’re into.”
I leaped up, trying to take a swipe at him, but he lunged back, laughing.
Laughing I could handle. Prodding into a past I wanted to forget, I’d pass on that every time.
9
Hanna
Daniel: How do you feel about self-defense?
Hanna: Like I’d rather run and scream.
Standing outside the building Daniel asked me to meet him at, I read over our last few text messages. His question had come out of the blue. It’d been almost a week since I’d heard from him, and in that time, I’d managed to run through every scenario of doom and awkwardness. Out of everything my mind conjured, very few ended with a rational explanation.
So, when his name popped up on my screen just as I was climbing in bed, I’d almost fumbled the phone in my rush to type back. After agreeing to meet him, I’d laid in bed and broke down, the relief flooding every inch of me, that he’d contacted me. Sofia would’ve laughed if she could’ve seen me. When we were kids, I was the rebel—the impulsive one, rarely thinking things through.
But life changed me, and after everything that happened, I did my best to never move too fast into anything. I never shrugged off an emotion without analyzing every facet, wondering if it was a feeling that would lead me to irrational action. I prevented old habits by creating new ones.
Unfortunately, these new habits had me awake at two in the morning, wondering how deep my feelings for Daniel went.
Eventually, after turning it every way I could, I understood the feelings I had for him were friendship—at least that was what I was allowing them to be. Maybe a little bit of an obsessive attachment, but what was I supposed to feel when my body and mind allowed me to get close to so few people. Being with Daniel felt like being with an old friend. The closest thing I had to compare it to was how I felt with Ian, but that didn’t make sense because even when I thought the way my heart beat for Ian was love, my body never heated for him the way it does for Daniel.
But that was fine. No big deal. As Alex had so eloquently pointed out, Daniel was hot—really hot. But it didn’t matter because lots of guys were hot, few had the ability to put me at ease. Even fewer who wanted to help me.
So, curling onto my side last night, I placed Daniel in the friend box. Maybe a clear friend box, so I could continue to appreciate how hot he was.
Even with him firmly placed in a friend box, which included trust,
